We are so blessed to be in the community we are right now for so many reasons. This weekend one of our pastors, Joe, amazed me as he poured out blessings for his friends and family in a way that truly inspired and awed me. This evening, after enjoying time with our small group, I was reading our pastor’s blog and was led to Helen’s blog and this is my response to her post. It was too long to put as a comment on her post not to mention it was worth sharing here!
I can relate to your story in that I don’t have the “amazing grace” salvation story either. I can completely understand your explanation of rules and how it still affects your thoughts and actions now based on the church I grew up in myself. I didn’t know there was any other way until I was too old to realize it was too late and I’ve spent much of the last 10 years re-teaching my brain how to react others, situations, and pretty much all of life in general; and praying I can somehow be finally free of the bondage that growing up in what I now know was a toxic environment.
I think what’s true for all of us,is that no matter where we are or what we’ve been through we all can have the same hope in the same God, who has the power to save us from ourselves and our past(whether it’s our own sin filled actions or that of sins done upon us) if we are willing to just let him. I used to think that my salvation story wasn’t really as big a deal as someone with a “Conversion” testimony, but I think I’ve come to realize that I’ve had an equally as compelling transformation in my life.
I now am free to love others unconditionally. I am free to say no. I am free from the bonds that kept me in fear of being rejected by others. I am free to make my own choices, without worrying about what others will think. I am free to raise my hands in church because I want to not because it’s expected of me. I am free to dress how I want to when I attend church. I am free to invite others to church because I know it’s a safe place to bring others. I am free to share my struggles and doubts, because being authentic is valued. I am free to question my faith, because it’s safe to do so.
I may not have been addicted to drugs or alcohol or even been a rebellious teenager(okay,maybe I was a little bit) but I was still a sinner. I was still a slave to the devil. I was not a child of the King. I was not a soldier in the Lord’s army; not yet anyway. As soon as I made that choice to leave behind my past and follow Jesus, I was able to be free from the rules that had been ingrained in my heart and mind that left me joyless. I was then able to see that I could instead live a life of freedom in Christ which brought me joy and peace.
sometimes it’s all about the perspective we have about things. We can look at our past and use it as an excuse for everything in our lives; or we can decide to look at our past and say I’m so glad I had that happen so that I can now be able to use it to help me through this…or to do this….
I think for me being able to see my transformation story as something amazing helped me realize that I was just as needy and worthy as the next guy who had that radical life shattering conversion.
This is my squirrel moment, sorry!
This weekend we were on tech team, and it was baptism weekend. I love baptism weekend. Tech team weekend for us means we have to be at all 4 services. This means we get to see all of the baptisms which is really cool! Today as I watched I kept being reminded of my own baptism. I got baptized here, at VCC. In that same baptismal pool. In the church I grew up in they tried very hard to convince me to get baptized, but I was stubborn and had decided that I was not going to do it just because my friends were. To me it was not one of those things you do just because everyone else does, it should be a personal decision, not one you get pushed into doing. I stood my ground and didn’t get baptized then or ever as part of that church. In fact I didn’t get baptized until I was married, and I was blessed to have my husband be the one baptizing me, as is the VCC way if you so choose. Today I am grateful that I am free to be here, free to make the choices that led me here and free that even all those years ago I made the right choices so that today I could remember that day when I had my special baptism weekend when someone up in the tech team booth who didn’t even know who were were yet watched us and had no clue that one day we’d be in their seats. I watched those folks getting baptized and wondered what their story would like and what brought them to this day.
The point of my rambling? Your past is important. All of it. You might feel like you had a crappy childhood. You might regret the life you led for x amt of years. You might wish you choose a different path in life: career or family. All of the choices you make affect your future. All of them. I am so glad that choices I made even out of rebellion as a teenager to not get baptized, were used by God to be a blessing to my marriage and spiritual journey. I know that choices I made today to seek you out will one day come back to have meant something more. I may not know why, but there will have been a reason.
Because my God is a big God who cares about the details.
