Breaking through the Fibrofog…

I am starting to dread bedtime. Pregnancy induced insomnia is what I’d call it. I awake a zillion times at night after it taking me at least an hour to comfortably fall asleep and then when I do sleep I have crazy vivid dreams that awaken me, that or a puppy nudging and licking me for attention waking me, and lets not forget the need to pee a zillion times! So it’s a vicious cycle. I wake up then have more trouble falling asleep I swear I spend at least half of my night lying in bed awake, thus my extreme fatigue all day! I am hoping my afternoon napping isnt effecting my night time sleep but I cant imagine that happening because at bedtime I am truly exhausted and if I dont take an afternoon nap, well I have to. Yesterday I almost fell asleep driving home from lunch w/ a friends, thats how tired I get, and it was only 1:30 pm!

I feel like I didnt sleep a wink last night! the dreary cloudy day outside doesnt motivate me to get up much either! well theres no better motivation then loads and loads of laundry to be done and knowing the house needs cleaned because we’re having company tonight!!! Geez, and I’m already tired! I cant wait til Saturday! Come on vacation!!!!

Attack of the non stop morning sickness! ironically for me evening and night time are extremely worse for me as far as morning sickness, but the morning is starting to compete with that statement. Blah! Yes I am grateful , very grateful to be pregnant but I would love to enjoy a meal w/out feeling like throwing up before through and after it. when I left the ER last week they told me they were sending me home w/ phenegran , I thought great! they gave me 2 pills and a zillion suppositories of it. yes I am spoiled but I want the pills! So I”ve conserved them for as long as possible, but I think I might give in to taking one now. I just called the ob to find out if she’ll get me a script for more seeing as we are hoping to go to the beach for a few days this holiday weekend and if I cant not be sick laying down and resting I cant imagine how the car trip will be!!!

All in all, I am sooo looking forward to getting away! we’ve never been to the beach as a family for more than an afternoon so it should be a lot of fun and Caleb deserves a true summer vacation before he has to share it w/ a sibling. Not to mention I need a break, again yes I know. being sick is tough when you dont get time off. I remember working when I was pregnant w/ caleb and throwing up on the way to work and at work but still working. but somehow office work is a lot easier to do that way then occupying a toddler and supervising he and the puppy is. Oh well. I will stop complaining, like I said, I want to be pregnant and for me being pregnant is a huge sacrifice of my health and I knew that, but still….I cant help but be a little discouraged. Everyone kept telling me that all pregnancies are different and this one could be different, heck it’s different all right, the headaches I have now I never had w/ Caleb!!!

but thus is life. I am hoping to get a pic up soon of me pregnant, since this is my 12th week! I am praying everyone is right when they say things will get better in the second trimester, but if this is anything like my first pregnancy I”ll be sick for the whole pregnancy!

speaking of pregnancy, my sister in law’s due date is coming up this weekend! we are waiting, some of us not so patiently, for little Jack’s arrival!!! Dean’s brother’s girlfriend is due soon too!! babies babies babies!!! Then in 6 months it’s our turn!! wohooo!!!

Can the makers of Ben & Jerrys be serious about there being 4 servings in their ice cream! If so I definitely have a problem w/ gluttony!!! I made Dean a deal, he could go out w/ the guys if he got me some ice cream. He asked what kind and of course I said Ben & Jerrys choc chip cookie dough or the fudge brownie one, so being the sweetie he is he got the new half baked kind that is a mixture of both of my favorites!!! shew I think I just gained 10 lbs!!! But it was so worth it!

Waiting to see it in the headlines so I can post a link, but Dean went for a walk with Caleb this evening to the park so he could go to the playground. They came back much sooner than normal and Caleb told me the police officer and ambulance ( he thinks the person is called an ambulance too, at the mall today he called a security guard an ambulance) told him he couldnt play at the playground today. he was very sad. Once I found out the reason I was more than sad, truly disturbed. Apparently the playground and area in the park nearby was a crime scene of sorts, from what Dean overheard a death occured there but I will wait for the news to come out and give us more details. I’ve yet to find it on any of the news websites so I’m hoping we can find something out about what happened. I’m going to make a point of watching the 11:00 news, but it’s quite sad and disheartening that this is only a few blocks from our home. I keep praying for the family members that are involved even though I dont know what exactly has happened yet, but from what Dean overheard it’s very upsetting. It’s a sad day for our community and the world for this life lost - no matter who they were or what the reasons, but for the mere fact that all life is precious and we were all put on earth for a reason. I wish that this victim had found the joy in life not only the sadness. Another great sign that our communities and our world needs to see the love and joy that is out there for them, no matter who they are, what they do, and why they do the things they do.

maybe it’s all the chocolate going to my head, but I’m waxing philosophical so I’ll stop while I am ahead. this is no week for me to start thinking about the grand scheme of life, as I’ve been mad at my maker more than I should this week. It’s sad when an episode of Joan of Arcadia makes you cry because you see the doubt that the world holds and uses as an excuse to shun God evident in your own current thought patterns. It’s hard to be trusting when you are living your life in pain and see no end or help for you. I cant imagine how people who have no faith in anything other than themselves survive illnesses or broken heart when I struggle so much and I know deep down there is someone out there watching out and taking care of me despite how I feel or what I see. It’s a tough line to walk, doubting and trusting, and I’m trying to walk closer to the trusting side but life happens and knocks you off the tight rope and it’s hard to get back up when the line is so fine.

blah, all the chocolate is making me incoherent again, but alas it all makes sense, at least in my warped little head!!! thanks for listening and let me know if you think I’m crazy, no wait, you dont need to tell me, I’m pretty sure I already know!

my honey is so cute!!!

Now, look at my adorable son!! and if you look closely behind him in the bush you can see tons of cicadas!!!

see the extended entry if you dare see more cicadas!! Dean took these up close and personal picks of the cicadas that now keep us indoors all day and make us have to take the puppy outside on a leash to prevent her from eating them and getting sick. My poor little boy sooo wants to go out but there is no place free from cicadas in our yard or neighborhood. yes they will not hurt you but they are everywhere and freak me out!!! not to mention their mating call is getting quite loud!!

be afraid, be very afraid!!!

I awoke this morning w/ a non achy clear head, for the first time in months. No doubt a result of having a somewhat normal pressure now that I’ve recovered from my spinal tap. My head hasnt hurt all day up until the last half hour when it’s began slightly aching, like it wants to get a headache but it’s fighting it. So for now, I’ll stick w/ the update that I feel good. Overall I am achy all over but that is quite the norm for what I’ve gone through this week. But I feel good. My head feels clear and thats a great feeling. It may only last a week or so but it’s better than how I was feeling no matter how briefly it lasts.

I cant believe I”m almost at the 2nd trimester mark. Hopefully at my next ob appt, June 3rd, I’ll get to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I cant wait!!! I’ve seen it on the u/s but thats all, hearing it is altogether different. Today we all went to Shrek 2, not nearly as funny as the first but funny nonetheless, and a great way to spend the morning w/ family after a busy chaotic week. Caleb thought it was too loud and movies on the big screen always make me dizzy but all in all it was a good experience. Tomorrow I think I’ll be fine to be able to take care of kid and puppy alone for the first full day all week! and it’ll be friday so if I feel bad after I’ll have all weekend to rest again. So things are looking much better today and thats all that matters for now.

well I know you dont want to hear more whining, so I’ll understand if you dont keep reading, but this is how my day yesterday went: (this is what I wrote earlier in an email to a PTC -pseudo tumor cerebri-message board so sorry for all the abbreviations, I’m not up to writing it all over again here)

I
ended up in the ER for most of today to get a blood patch. I spent all
morning throwing up if I tried to get out of bed and feeling like I was
dying. So I went in, told them my neuro sent me for a blood patch and that
I’d been throwing up. They are told by the dr doing the patch to give me an
iv, they didn’t do it, so I ended up in the OR for the blood patch w/ no
blood for them to take because I was too dehydrated. They put in the
epidural first then tried at least 5 times to get blood, it hurt like heck.
After the 4th stick I told them my back hurt, she said the needle moved and
had to redo it, yet still didn’t have my blood ready, so once the epi was
fixed she went to retry drawing blood. After another failed attempt or two
I was in tears and in pain and told them to stop. The dr complained that if
I had gotten an iv first they could have drawn blood but my veins kept
collapsing. Needless to say I am now home after being filled w/ tons of iv
fluids and ended up w/ no blood patch. My head feels somewhat better and
they gave me some phenegran for the nausea and vomiting, that also puts me
to sleep. So more bedrest for me and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I have had the worst PTC week and my hospital experiences were the worst ever, not that the care was bad really just things didn’t go as they should
have. I hate to tell my horror story but I am so upset. I kept crying in
the ER after the failed attempt at a blood patch and the nurses kept asking
what was wrong, mostly I was mad it didn’t happen but I think it was more
pregnancy hormones making me upset. I was so worried while in the OR the
stress was going to harm my baby, and they never checked for the baby’s
heartbeat or anything. I think I”ll call the ob tomorrow so she knows what
is going on.

so thats the story. today I am feeling so much better, I must have really been dehydrated and needed all of that iv fluids, cause I feel like a new person this morning. achy and full of bruises to prove all the pokes and prods but other than that doing ok. Poor Dean is on day 3 out of work for me, I hate it, but last night we thought I”d be a mess today. I’m glad to have his help and after today I should be up and about, the last ER dr said the sooner I can get up out of bed and moving the better for me and the baby. So I”m all for that. I’ve been told by several people that 26 is indeed not a normal pressure reading and that I should talk to my dr or get a new one, and I honestly know for me, that I only feel so good right now because they did a spinal and took some pressure off. So I dont know if I”m up to fighting w/ the dr over it becuase I dont want to take PTC drugs right now, if it gets bad again I might try to get another spinal, maybe, but no drugs. I honestly know for myself that I had classic PTC headaches and now after recovering from the spinal I feel fine should be proof of that. I am praying the rest of my week goes smoothly as I dont think I could take much more right now. I hope everyone else is having a good week!!!

well the LP was an experience. The dr poked one too many times, the first time he got the wrong spot and it hurt like heck to put it nicely, someone probably thought someone was in labor I yelled so loudly so many times! he finally got the needle in and the pressure was only 26 which isnt too bad, a little higher than norm but for my normal readings pretty good. So he thinks it’s just migraine headaches, but immediately after the spinal I felt more clearheaded, and despite some nagging headaches the longer I sit upright I’m doing ok. so I am to call him in a few days and see what the plan is. He thinks w/ the 2nd trimester things will get better and I’m not far from that as this is week 11 of pregnancy for me!! So lets hope he’s right. It was a rough experience for me today and I almost wish I hadnt done it except for the peace of mind about what my pressure is. So I really am supposed to be in bed, but felt obliged to my readers to let you know what was going on, that I hate bedrest!!! Dean is not here so he’s not forcing me in bed, but I’m sure tomorrow he wont let me out of bed so I thought I’d get in my puter time while I can!! but back to bed rest for now!!!