Breaking through the Fibrofog…

Ugh….as if I wasnt already stressed about finances.   Today in the mail we got the notice saying that every 3 years properties are assessed and the value changes, thus changing what you pay in property taxes.  we already pay an ungodly amt as we live in the city, one freakin block over they get to pay much lower county taxes.    So, the appraisal said the value of our property went up about  $80,000.  Great if we want to sell I guess but not if we want to stick around.  theres no way we are going to be able to wing a higher mortgage payment to afford the new higher taxes based on the new property value.  Looks like we might consider going to Ohio sooner than later…..that or weeks after having baby #3 I will desperately start seeking work, yeah and how in the heck will I afford daycare for 3 kids so I can work.   Life just isnt looking up these days.

The sad part is that Dean makes a lot more money than anyone in our immediate families so it would seem we should not be struggling so, but I guess maybe it’s just living in the city that is screwing us, higher car insurance rates, higher property taxes, higher everything.   This really isnt helping my down mood today.   Dean’s still not home and doesnt have an ETA, and it’s already mid afternoon, he left at 8 am.  I put Bo down for nap around 11 and made the mistake of falling asleep on the sofa while Caleb watched tv for 2 hours.  When I woke I figured it had only been a brief time but I guess Bo was tired, he slept for 2 1/2 hours.  Caleb was fine but I feel like a horrible mom.    I needed the nap but now feel worse than I did before.   I want my hubby home and things to be easier but i know it’s actually going to get worse, esp at this rate if he’s going to have to keep a second job to make ends meet.    I dont know how people get by on minimum wage, like I said he makes decent money and we’ve cut everything non essential we can but it’s not helping.    stupid medical costs and car stuff.    next to go of course is our second vehicle…..what a freaking way to spend your new year, stressing over how in the world you’re going to afford the next week let alone year with another kid and new (to us) car expenses.    I just want to crawl back into bed and forget about it all…..

So yesterday we had some folks over for a game night.   Almost everyone who said they could showed up and it was so much fun!    Since Dean got home a little early, by about an hour,  I used the time to freshen up.   I’ve been threatening getting a haircut for weeks but I cant let myself, this is the longest my hair has been in 5 years.   In the back it falls below my shoulders even, so as I normally do I had to do something to change it or else I’d chop it all off again.  I love being able to pull it back and have long hair down when I want but it’s still hard to not get it cut when it’s driving me nuts.  So here’s the new do and a very large belly with me at 25 weeks.

14 weeks til my scheduled c-section but not sure the kiddo will make it that long, hoping in fact he doesnt.
So our friends stayed a little past midnight.  Around midnight I said we should have planned the get together for tonight but oh well.  Since we have no plans and no sitter we’ll be sitting around all night if anyone else wants to come over for more gaming til morning!   Dean’s out this morning hopefully fixing the van so it will pass inspection because we have to get real tags on the car which means it passing inspection before Jan 7th when the temp tags expire.  We so dont have money for any of this, and it’s really getting to me.   Doesnt help that this is the month the quarterly water bill is due and that for some reason our BGE bill doubled this month, stinkin christmas lights I guess.    So hoping the new do will give me a fresh outlook on things and at least lift my spirits some.

My back still hurts, I even spent a good deal of last night watching everyone play games while I sat in the recliner w/ the heating pad, great host I know!   Well the kids need me, again.   Happy New Year everyone!   hoping we get a financial miracle in the new year so we can afford to keep both cars and still eat!  we gave in and cancelled tivo and directv so at midnight tonight it goes off til we can afford it again.  it’s a sad thing, but it will give us more time for gaming I suppose.    or spending quality time together!  or something like that..so good bye Tivo hello real world…..geez, I’d much rather escape inside an episode of alias (tivo’d of course) then deal with my real life right now…wouldnt we all?   at least most of what we watch comes on regular channels, but it’s finding the time when it’s actually on as opposed to watching late at night via tivo….ah…it’s going to be a fun of year of changes but I”m sure we’ll cope!  so far everyone loves the new red hair, just hoping it lasts.  I dyed my hair red in college and my hair wouldnt keep the color, it faded so quickly.  I guess at least if I dont like it and it fades I can try something else!

Although it wasnt to really do anything fun, it’s been nice getting out without the kids this week.   Tuesday was an ob appt, yesterday was regular dr appt, and today I went to the grocery store alone since my mom stopped by for a bit before going to lunch w/ a friend.   seems like all of my friends/family have had their spouses home the majority of this week.   It has sucked since Dean has had to work so I’ve been all alone while they are all out having fun or at least getting a break.  then I realized I should at least be grateful I didnt have to drag the kids to the dr or the store today.   I just wish I could have Dean home more often.   It wouldnt be so bad(if my back wasnt killing me), and in reality this week has gone much better than I thought when I was wondering how I’d keep caleb busy all day but he’s doing so much better at finding things to do and all the new toys helps.    we just made cookies while Bo napped, and while the cookies baked he pretended to make cookies in another bowl w/ a little bit of sugar and m&m’s in it.  He got out the measuring cups that we hadnt used and pretended to be baking.  it was cute, messy in the end but cute!   I mean it’s not like he didnt help make the real cookies but I guess he wasnt ready to be done yet!

As we figured I called our health insurance company and every physical therapy visit will cost us a $25 copay, not a big suprise as I have to pay copays for ultrasounds and xrays now as well.    We cant afford to do that especially this upcoming month.    So I dont know what to do.  I might call my pcp back and see if they’ll order the dumb xray so we’d at least no what if anything is wrong.  My biggest fear of course is that that is related to the ms symptoms and just another new symptom of that.   that’s the worst case scenario I know.  well  gotta grab some cookies from the oven.  we’re having company tonight and unfortunately my back is already worse than it usually is this early in the day so I’m not hopeful of being a good or even social host. we’ll see i guess…………i’m so glad it’s friday!

Had my appt w/ my pcp, or rather a dr at my primary care’s office since my dr is out of town til next week.  I knew I should have waited to see my normal dr but oh well.  So this dr said I could have a pinched nerve or something but that she wont order a scan or xray since I am pregnant.  she said my only option is physical therapy, I knew I wouldnt go to that if that was the plan, mostly due to finances and then that would be more drs appt and it’s already going to be getting crazy w/ drs appt soon so for now I cant do much but be in pain.

My bp was up again, higher than on tuesday even.   She said just to follow up w/ the ob about that.   I was glad thats all she said about it since last time when I was preggo and went to the pcp and had high blood pressure they sent me right to my ob’s office.  but I was a lot farther along then.    So I decided I’ll just wait to tell my ob on tuesday about todays bp reading instead of calling them and them saying to come in before then, which would mean tomorrow.    so because I’m now more stressed and miserable I’m spending my afternoon cleaning house.   i’ve been so behind in housework and we’re having guests tomorrow so I really at least need to make sure the bathrooms are a little cleaner.  So now I’m feeling even worse, seeing spots, headache and my back is killing me.  I dont know if this kid is going to be able to stay put til April 7th, my scheduled c section date.   I’ve never had bp problems this early and I’m feeling pretty crappy lately.   I know the words bed rest or at least take it easy are going to be said on tuesday and thats just not possible w/ a 13 month old.  I barely was able to take a break during bo’s pregnancy.  just 14 weeks til my scheduled c-section which compared to the 25 I’ve already done doesnt seem like much, but this is always the tough part, when my bp goes up, get crazy symptoms and of course the gest. diabetes should be waiting for me right around the next bend so really although it’s been smooth sailing so far I’m not looking forward to what’s next.   I guess if I can keep a good attitude it would help but this pain is killer.    If it was low back pain I’d worry I was in labor but since it’s right smack dab in my mid back and left rib who knows what I can do to make it go away, aside from PT which really isnt an option right now.  Oh well…so once again a wasted appt and hearing the lovely words, we have to wait til the pregnancy is over to do tests.  I’m really not looking forward to my post partum weeks since all my drs are waiting for that time to figure out what’s wrong with me.   hopefully this is just a pregnancy thing and goes away before then but if the dr doesnt know how am I supposed to know??  well I cant see straight, i think cleaning was a bad idea today but I figure I’d be in pain cleaning or not so at least I can be miserable in a clean house now!

just to update in case anyone was worried about the pre-eclampsia, the nurse from the ob office called and said the tests showed it’s not pre-e.  she said to call the pcp about the back pain, I’d seriously go to the ER right now if I knew it wouldnt cost us an arm and a leg, that’s how bad the back pain has been.  so who knows what’s up. I go back to the ob in a week to make sure my bp isnt still going up.   nothing exciting, but at least no bedrest yet!  wohoo!

Dean was supposed to work most of the day on Christmas eve but was home by noon which was nice!  So dean took Caleb to drop off his letter to Santa, a little late we know!  then we had dinner with my mom before heading to church for Christmas eve services.  the boys found time to love on each other when we got home, they are so cute

After that, had a snack and exchanged gifts from my mom and we let the kids open the gifts their aunt had sent from Ohio.

On Christmas morning, Caleb woke up before 7 am and we had to keep convincing him that it wasnt time to get up yet because we are lazy. Finally around 7:30 am they made me get out of my warm bed so caleb could open his gifts. Bo was still sleeping so we let caleb open all of his presents and let Bo sleep. Caleb was excited but was not too excited to mention that santa had the same wrapping paper as we do. As I was wrapping earlier this week I wondered if he’d catch on but thought, he’s 4 he shouldnt be paying that much attention but no he knew. I didnt offer an explanation and he didnt seem to care since it was his drumset afterall, which not even an hour later broke!

Bo woke up finally and didnt care about opening his gifts, he was too busy playing with Caleb’s new toys! Caleb opened Bo’s gifts for him while Bo played with caleb’s new stuff. We finally got all of the gifts unwrapped and began the assembling process. it took a while but we got most of the stuff together. The most frustrating, other than the drum breaking already, was that we had brought up the train table yesterday so when we put together Caleb’s new geotrax train we’d put it on the table. well the train is too big for the table! So much for good ideas. I was thinking we’d put it up on the train table so Bo and Caleb could play with it without bo having to sit on it or try to take it apart if it were on the floor. so that plan failed and i still have yet to figure out what to do about that. guessing we’ll keep the train table up here and use it for all of our new little people toys since theres room underneath for storage and we definitely more storage!

after much gift opening and trying to clean up most of the mess we headed to my grandparents house(dads family)  for brunch there.  we stayed a couple of hours and had fun hanging out with family.    Bo especially enjoyed eating all day!  Here he is with his great grandmother, my grandmom, sporting a hat/scarf/glove set she got for him!  it is sooo cute!   All morning long i kept thinking I was in good spirits and for once wasnt dreading having to face dad, maybe it was all the prayers about it or just deep down I knew it didnt matter.  In the end it didnt because my father never showed up to visit with us or the family the whole time we were there, which was a good 4 hours.   nothing gained nothing lost I suppose.

We came home and continued to clean up the kids toys but in reality I still barely have found a  home for all of the new toys.   yesterday we headed out later than we wanted originally to head to my brothers 2 hours away.   i wanted to stop at Kohls on the way due to a good sale and a gift card burning a hole in my pocket! but the long lines changed our minds, but Dean managed to lock the van keys in the van.  it was stressful but i managed to crack open a window so Dean could reach in and retrieve his coat containing the keys.

we finally made it to my brothers after the key ordeal and massive traffic backups, literally minutes before we were told the time that dinner would be ready.   At least we werent late!  so it was a busy weekend yet we still found time to relax.

I had my ob appt today.   A good friend came to watch the kids for me, she’s such an angel!  to start off I was dreading the scale and I’d gained a good deal of weight in a short amt of time which wasnt good.   then my bp was up a good amt, enough to cause concern.  the dr came in mentioned it asked if i was having headaches, check( including visual problems), back or chest pain, check (intense almost all day without relief despite using a heating pad for hours on end a day), or swelling check(in my hands) so off to get stat bloodwork and wait for results.

Last night we took advantage of the somewhat warmer than normal temps and went to see the lights on 34th st.  We have pics in Calebs scrapbook from going when he was a few months older than Bo is now.    So it was neat to have both boys this time.  bo looked at it all in awe.  he loved it!   i think caleb just loved being with his friends more!

It wasnt until I saw these pics that I realized how pregnant I look, even when all you can see if a big bump under my coat!  I guess I shouldnt mind too much as the weekly email I get that tells me about whats going on this week in the pregnancy said this week, that during week 24 , your uterus is the size of a soccer ball.  So I guess it’s safe to say its ok for me to look pregnant, I just didnt know how big i looked til seeing these!

I like this pic , cropped from one taken w/ my best friend, to spare her from being posted online, because it doesnt make me look so pregnant. this was taken last night before we left to see the lights, at 24 weeks pregnant.