Breaking through the Fibrofog…

Dean called the police today to see what we need to do to get our truck back from my father who took it over 2 months ago to get it fixed. They said I would have to press unauthorized use charges. I love my dad no matter if he is a jerk (putting it mildly) and as a Christian I always try to be a good example so he sees that in me. And pressing charges would have ruined it all. So we talked about it and I decided for now I would just go shopping, my defense mechanism. After getting off the phone with Dean, as he began to call my dads employer to prepare them for the cops coming after dad, I answer a knock on the door. My father turns over the keys to the truck and walks away from me. He turned his back on me and yet I called out to him and asked how he was. Yet again I tried. He spared me a few words then strode off. Its hard when you have to teach a parent what it is to love.

Things I would say to my dad if I wasnt the person I am: For too many years I have trusted and loved you despite the continual pain you cause me. I dont even know if you realize how much damage you’ve done to me in the past and even now. I have tried to have faith that you have indeed changed, as you continue to say you have, yet time and time again you break my heart. This is the last time. There will be no more attempts on my part to let you know that despite your failure as a dad and as a man even, I will still love you. I will continue to love you yet I will no longer accept the pain you cause me. Never again will I fail prey to your hurt. This is it dad, its over. Your are my father, I am your daughter and thats all there is for us. No more Christmas cards, no more letters. No more pain. And for you, I hope this makes you see just what you’ve become. And I pray to God my son and my brother never become one part the man you are.

Take a look at my sweetie!

So many stores are having so many sales, which one do you decide to go to?? I really want a new slipcover, one to match up to the high quality new furniture we will have in the new house but the furniture was free, a new slip cover wont be. So I am hitting the ridiculous tons of sales going on today and tomorrow in seek of cheapness with quality. Is that possible?

Caleb is starting to hold his bottles on his own. I am guessing he is still pretty young to be doing so but last night and this morning he held his bottle almost for the whole feeding (until he gets distrated) by himself. I am loving it, I mean I know it is supposed to be bonding time and all but I am just ready for him to be eating regular food. Dean is being a stickler and said we wont start him on cereal until he is 4 months old, just another 2 weeks. Which is what the dr told us to do, but still. I guess it will be good to go to his 4 month check up then start it. He always watches us eat our food. Its like he knows we are getting the good stuff!

My job interview went well, so I think. I usually have a good read on these type of things. She said she has one more interview and that she would talk to me tomorrow. The schedule is strange, and so is the office. Its not a regular drs office. Its more like an urgent care, thats what we would call it in ohio. Ok, maybe more like a clinic. No appts - just walk ins, and they do minor emergencies, and they do physical therapy. And the schedule isnt the same every week. And once a month we have to work on Sat & Sunday but that week you only work on Thursday too then the following weekend you get 4 days off in a row. Which means we really wont be leaving Caleb all that much. Since Dean can babysit on weekends. I am not sure if I want it or not, kind of and kind of not, we’ll we see what the manager says tomorrow. Ah, it doesnt pay what I really wanted, but it pays more than I made in Ohio so that is at least okay. Not great, but okay.

Caleb slept for 7 hour straight last night! wohoo! Its a good thing he is finally starting to sleep through the night because I have a job interview today. If I get a job I will need my sleep and I guess Dean & I will have to alternate who gets up with him when - seeing as I do it all now. But the job I am going for today is 3-12 hour shifts, so we wouldnt have to leave him everyday, but we still have a problem of needing childcare. But it seems like this is a good job and the way things are going about getting an inteview so fast and all she must be interested in me. So I am excited and also upset with myself for wanting to leave my son with someone else. Question is just who will that be??