Breaking through the Fibrofog…

How is it that people always know the wrong time to call? I woke up bright and early this morning to take Dean to work since we had left his truck at his work last night when I picked him up to go to the hospital. So I came home completely exhausted again, and climbed back into bed. So a few minutes ago, as I was so soundly and comfortably sleeping, which rarely happens anymore, the phone rings. First it was my mom, her daily check on me, and she fussed that I need to call my ob to see if I need to go in before Thursday, I fussed back then got off the phone in hopes of going back to sleep. Well as I was dozing back to sleep my mother in law called, by this point I was pretty awake so I agreed to go shopping with her.

I started writing this earlier, but just got back from shopping so…I went shopping with my mother in law and she got us some outfits for Caleb and the stroller we picked out! Wohoo! Now the only thing I really want/need is a diaper genie. Okay we probably dont need it, as Dean says use a trash can, but I really want one, so maybe we will just go get it anyway. While shopping I got the cutest hat, for me of course, it was on sale and I just had to have it! I used to wear hats often but I guess my head grew as I got older and I gave my old ones to my neices, so when I saw ones on sale today I just had to get one. We also went to the chinese buffet for lunch, and we picked up Dean so he got to go with us. It was quite a fun morning/early afternoon. Now I am ready for another nap! And hopefully no one will call to wake me up. I have noticed since I have been on bedrest that we get at least 5 sales calls a day, but I’ve learned not to answer the phone if it says unknown name/number on the caller id, but you better believe me if another one of those calls wakes me from a nap……well I just wont answer it!

I am so glad to have gotten out today though, I know I am supposed to be in bed, and we even rented some movies for me to lounge and watch today, but I hate being stuck inside, especially when the sun is out and it looks to be such a nice day. And with any luck the walking around the stores may help my cervix start to do something! I am hoping at my appt on Thursday to find out that it is doing something, it would be nice if Caleb came on his own, but he only has a few more days before they decide when they are going to evict him. Come on kiddo, I keep telling him we have lots of cool toys out here for him but I dont think he cares. I think he knows that he has it pretty good where he is now, I mean come on, he doesnt have to do anything but eat and sleep now, once he is out he will have to smile and play and cuddle with mom and dad and dont forget he’ll have to have baths and get his diaper changed. He’s got it pretty good, but mommy on the other hand is ready to have her body back and I was eyeing up some great deals on clothes today but knew better than to get anything because I am sure my size is going to change here in a few weeks, and the thought of being able to buy clothes again! I am so excited! Even more excited about that then I was when I was looking at baby clothes today. Okay, I know it is selfish, but I really am ready to get back to some normalcy here, so come on kid, I’ve been holding on for long enough……I hear my feelings are quite normal for this stage of my pregnancy but I cant help but feel selfish for wanting my body back, but more than anything I think it is knowing it’s just a matter of time and I cant do anything to control how much or how little time left there is. I have enjoyed my pregnancy despite the tough times there have been, even yesterday when I got to hear his little heart beat and feel his kicks it made the miserable parts of the day seem to melt away. But then realizing we wouldnt get to hold Caleb yet made it hard too! So who knows, I wish there was a book to tell you how you are supposed to feel or that even told you that what you are feeling is normal, but no that’s what friends and family are for, to help us cope and encourage us, and thanks for everyone out there who has been there for us during these rough couple of months!

Well folks, bedrest bekons me to return, so have a good day!

I must admit I have had the worst day today, and I am not even in labor. I went to the drs office around 11:30, my blood pressure was very high so they had me rest on my left side, checked it again and it was still high. Rest some more. And yet again, another high reading. So what do they do? They send me home to rest! Apparently there were no drs in the office, a fact they failed to tell me when I called to tell them I was coming in for my blood pressure check. They said they would check with the dr due in at 2, so here it was shortly after 12 and I had 2 hours to wait! So I headed home, completely exhausted, it was a 45 min drive to the drs office! So arond 1:30 I get a call, they want me back at the drs office! They wanted to do a non stress test on Caleb. I opted to have it done at the hospital which is the same distance away just in case they decided to keep me, figured it be silly to go 45 mins. to the drs office then another 30 minutes to the hospital if the need arose.

So I picked Dean up from work and we had our first non stress test. Caleb did well and my blood pressure wasnt nearly as high as it had been that morning so about the time we finished up there it was 4:30. the nurse their tried to call my ob to give them the test results but they turn their phones off at 4:30! So she checked with the specialist who saw no reason to detain me so they sent us home. After a whole day of being dragged back and forth I did not talk to or see an actual dr once. I am quite upset and feel awful.

So we are assuming there is no immediate need for delivery despite my nagging headaches and blurred vision, which is no doubt from the high blood pressure. We don’t know anything really except that there will be no Caleb today. I am just concerned about my own health I guess, it cant be good to have my bp this high, especially when I am having symptoms and not just a high reading. So I am sorry I didnt write earlier. It seems like the whole world, okay my family and some friends, called to check on me today since we all thought we’d be having a baby soon, and despite what I was told, that if my pressure was up there would be a baby soon, there isn’t going to be. I guess that is the frustrating part. On Thursday my dr said to come in today for a bp check and if it was high they’d do something for my health concerns and if my bp was fine they’d wait to see how Caleb did on his u/s on Wednesday and then if nothing we’d see how I was doing on Thursday. But my bp was high today, and much higher than it’s been yet they did nothing. And the really frustrating thing is my dr was not in the office today, yet he told me to come today, and the dr who was in made the decision to not do anything, and I’ve only seen him once so I dont know if he even understands how high risk our pregnancy has been. My mom said I should call and ask to have my ob call me but it’s probably no use seeing as they’d probably just have me come in tomorrow and I am so upset I dont really want to have to go back yet. So that is how my day has been.

And on top of all that I am extremely moody, my poor hubby is getting verbally abused all of the time and I dont know how he is putting up with me. He is constantly going out of his way to try to comfort me but I am so moody and feel so miserable most of the time that I just want to be left alone. I havent been mean just crabby I guess. I know it must be driving him nuts. I keep crying all of the time too. That and I keep getting headaches and the shakes, so yesterday I dropped 3 trays of ice cubes and burst into tears and stormed out of the room leaving him behind to clean up. Today I dropped quite a few things but didnt make nearly as big a mess, and he wasnt home. I cant help but wonder if I should talk to my ob about how I am feeling but after today I doubt they would care. I will just be so happy when this is all over. Two more weeks, if that.

The good thing about having the non stress test today was the nurse said I was having contractions, I couldnt tell the difference between them and Caleb’s usual movements so I had no clue, but the test measures uterine contractions to see how the baby responds to them and apparently I had a few while we were there, which gives me hope that maybe Caleb will decide to come on his own shortly. If we would only be so lucky.

Sorry for not updating sooner, I am just not in the mood to say much because every time I start to talk about today and this pregnancy I get all upset, dumb pregnancy hormones!

I must admit I have had the worst day today, and I am not even in labor. I went to the drs office around 11:30, my blood pressure was very high so they had me rest on my left side, checked it again and it was still high. Rest some more. And yet again, another high reading. So what do they do? They send me home to rest! Apparently there were no drs in the office, a fact they failed to tell me when I called to tell them I was coming in for my blood pressure check. They said they would check with the dr due in at 2, so here it was shortly after 12 and I had 2 hours to wait! So I headed home, completely exhausted, it was a 45 min drive to the drs office! So arond 1:30 I get a call, they want me back at the drs office! They wanted to do a non stress test on Caleb. I opted to have it done at the hospital which is the same distance away just in case they decided to keep me, figured it be silly to go 45 mins. to the drs office then another 30 minutes to the hospital if the need arose.

So I picked Dean up from work and we had our first non stress test. Caleb did well and my blood pressure wasnt nearly as high as it had been that morning so about the time we finished up there it was 4:30. the nurse their tried to call my ob to give them the test results but they turn their phones off at 4:30! So she checked with the specialist who saw no reason to detain me so they sent us home. After a whole day of being dragged back and forth I did not talk to or see an actual dr once. I am quite upset and feel awful.

So we are assuming there is no immediate need for delivery despite my nagging headaches and blurred vision, which is no doubt from the high blood pressure. We don’t know anything really except that there will be no Caleb today. I am just concerned about my own health I guess, it cant be good to have my bp this high, especially when I am having symptoms and not just a high reading. So I am sorry I didnt write earlier. It seems like the whole world, okay my family and some friends, called to check on me today since we all thought we’d be having a baby soon, and despite what I was told, that if my pressure was up there would be a baby soon, there isn’t going to be. I guess that is the frustrating part. On Thursday my dr said to come in today for a bp check and if it was high they’d do something for my health concerns and if my bp was fine they’d wait to see how Caleb did on his u/s on Wednesday and then if nothing we’d see how I was doing on Thursday. But my bp was high today, and much higher than it’s been yet they did nothing. And the really frustrating thing is my dr was not in the office today, yet he told me to come today, and the dr who was in made the decision to not do anything, and I’ve only seen him once so I dont know if he even understands how high risk our pregnancy has been. My mom said I should call and ask to have my ob call me but it’s probably no use seeing as they’d probably just have me come in tomorrow and I am so upset I dont really want to have to go back yet. So that is how my day has been.

And on top of all that I am extremely moody, my poor hubby is getting verbally abused all of the time and I dont know how he is putting up with me. He is constantly going out of his way to try to comfort me but I am so moody and feel so miserable most of the time that I just want to be left alone. I havent been mean just crabby I guess. I know it must be driving him nuts. I keep crying all of the time too. That and I keep getting headaches and the shakes, so yesterday I dropped 3 trays of ice cubes and burst into tears and stormed out of the room leaving him behind to clean up. Today I dropped quite a few things but didnt make nearly as big a mess, and he wasnt home. I cant help but wonder if I should talk to my ob about how I am feeling but after today I doubt they would care. I will just be so happy when this is all over. Two more weeks, if that.

The good thing about having the non stress test today was the nurse said I was having contractions, I couldnt tell the difference between them and Caleb’s usual movements so I had no clue, but the test measures uterine contractions to see how the baby responds to them and apparently I had a few while we were there, which gives me hope that maybe Caleb will decide to come on his own shortly. If we would only be so lucky.

Sorry for not updating sooner, I am just not in the mood to say much because every time I start to talk about today and this pregnancy I get all upset, dumb pregnancy hormones!

As I was getting up this morning I came to realize an awful thought about having the baby this week, ok, yes I am ready to have this baby. But I was not even thinking about everything else that will be going on. Yes, I knew that my mom and step dad would be here and that they’d be sleeping at our house but I don’t think it hit me until this morning that if I am induced this week that they will be here this week, as early as Tuesday!!!

Dean went to church without me this morning because since he works the camera during two services I’d have to sit around for about 3 hours waiting for him, and not that I would mind, but two weeks ago I stopped doing my job with cameras so I could be able to rest and so they could replace me before Caleb got here. So shortly after Dean left I had come across the realization that we might not only have an addition to our immediate family this week but that we’d be having house guests for at least a week or so. So I had planned on getting up and doing some housework while Dean was gone this morning but since I realized we’d be having company I have been running around mopping, cleaning, and everything else that needs done. Which is the last thing I should be doing right now, as these persistent cramps keep reminding me. But I cant manage to stop myself. Yesterday I went through and opened up Caleb’s last few unopened toys and washed his crib sheets again. Rachel, my sister in law, says I am nesting, me I am just thinking that I know these things need done and I may not have time after tomorrow to do anything.

We never did go to Yellow Springs yesterday like I had wanted. I was up almost all of Friday night being very uncomfortable and I kept having bad cramps, Dean says it’s contractions, all I know is that it hurts and it feels like menstrual cramps. They arent consistent enough for me to call them contractions so I won’t. I figure if I start leaking any fluids I will get concerned. Until then I am going to get this house ready for guests and a new baby! But in the back of my head the rational part of me says this burst of energy and desire to clean means I am nesting and that I really should take this time to rest not clean, like I’ve read in a zillion books and magazines, but how can you be rational when you know your mom will come and if the house isnt clean she will spend her visit cleaning for you and that is the last thing I want to know she is doing while I am in the hospital. I think the worst thought about them being here while I am in the hospital, is knowing they may be here alone, or with Dean to entertain them. And not that Dean can’t it’s just that I know how he feels about their visits in general and I can’t imagine how bad it will be for him if he has to deal with them alone while I am in the hospital! He likes my parents, but there is a lot that they dont get agree on, and I only hope this visit goes better than the last one! But I think they’ll be too worried about me and Caleb to fret over other things, or so I hope. The other thought about having the baby this week is knowing I havent decided how or when to notify my real dad about when Caleb is coming, I am hoping to know when I will be induced and then call eveyrone and tell them, but I dont know if I actually expect him to come or even care. And I know the last thing I need to worry about is having him and mom hanging around in the waiting room together. Argh! I dont think it will happen, and if Dad keeps up his usual behavior he wont show, but sometimes you never know with him. So I think I better stop stressing over everything or it will be my own fault that my blood pressure is up tomorrow and not for any real health reason at all. Well back to the housework and then maybe a nap, I sure am getting tired again, it doesnt take much anymore.

Dean took my car today, since his is acting up. So I am really stuck at home, since I don’t ever drive the truck I don’t feel comfortable driving a stick shift, especially if Dean isn’t with me. So today has been quite boring. I spent the morning finishing up most of my much belated thank you cards from our baby showers. I only have a few left, I had to stop because my hand was cramping up. I just finished doing my yoga stretches, which made me feel really good. I got this prenatal yoga video when I was three months pregnant or so and I did it there for a while, but then I just didnt have the time or energy. So I figured if I am stuck at home I won’t be getting much exercise and the yoga stuff is basically stretches, so it’s not too strenuous. I was so proud of myself for still being able to stretch with this huge belly! I feel great now that I did it too. I don’t feel quite so lazy!

Dean and I are planning on going back to the park at Yellow Springs tomorrow to walk some trails and have a picnic. I thought that’d be a nice way to spend our possible last Saturday alone. Tonight there is a seminar at church for couples under 35, Dean doesn’t really want to go, I am not sure why, but I told him if he can’t come up with better plans than that is where we are going tonight. Dean’s been really tired lately, I am wondering if he is stressing about the baby and just not talking about it. I mean he seems to be sleeping okay, but he always seems so tired. Maybe he is just getting old! Yeah right! Then again, I know work is stressful for him too, so maybe the combo of work and baby problems is overwhelming him. My poor hubby! I know he will feel so much better once he gets to hold our little Caleb, and boy I will feel much better than too!

Last night I asked him what I am supposed to wear after my huge belly is gone! I lost a lot of weight., about 20 lbs at the beginning of the pregnancy, and well I’ve only gained 24 lbs so far and I think it will all go away soon after Caleb is here because I’ve only gained 4 more lbs than what I weighed 9 months ago! So I am hoping that with my new and improved eating habits I will get to shop in regular stores in a few months! But I know I shouldnt get my hopes up. I was hit with fear of gaining a lot of weight in the next two weeks since I am not being very active and I think that is why I pulled out the exercise tape today. But I know the stretching and exercises will help me with labor if nothing else. It is so strange, I have been filled with this great hope today that in no more than 2 weeks I will have my body back! Not that I mind it, but I can’t help but think that I will feel so much better not lugging around this huge belly. But then again I am kind of sad that I wont get to fill Caleb’s little kicks, pushes, and hiccups the same way anymore. All the more reason to have another baby, but not too soon. But it is the most amazing thing to feel and watch Caleb move that I don’t doubt I will miss the small nudges he gives me all day long. But I am sure there will be a lot more things to enjoy about him once he is actually here with us!

Just got back from my appointment with my ob. Once again my blood pressure was up, he wants me back on Monday to get my blood pressure checked. If it is still high they will induce me then. If not we will see how my ultrasound goes on Wednesday, if Caleb is doing well then I will see the ob again on Thursday and see how my blood pressure is then. So it could be Monday, or it could be late next week, or at the latest they will induce me no later than August 13th. So I guess that is good to know, but it is frustrating to have to wait. The dr said it is all just a waiting game now. That didnt make me feel much better, I am already getting bored with being home - but I am exhausted so at least I can rest up now so that in case I am in labor on Monday I will be ready.

Aside from baby stuff nothing really new going on with us. The new computer is great! It is really fast! I just wish I could sit here long enough to enjoy playing on it, anymore it’s just too uncomfy to sit for a long time. Well, we’ll keep everyone updated on the baby news and if anything exciting happens, which I doubt since I am stuck at home, then I’ll update then.

Way to go Hillary! And I can’t believe that labor story; must have been all those prayers everyone was sending your way! Hope Caleb decides to come on his own too!

I was talking to my mother in law today and she was so supportive! Ha! I was telling her it is getting scary that labor is so close and she started laughing and says, yeah for a couple of hours it is scary then you are holding this baby and asking everyone what to do with it now that it’s here! I told her gee thanks for the words of encouragement! See if I let her be there doing delivery! just joking! It was funny though, at least she thought so, she kept laughing for about five minutes!

I keep reminding her how this baby is already a lot bigger than both the kids she had, which is ironic because apparently this baby is bigger than both my brother and I were when we were born too. I guess the next generation is just bigger babies. I told my mom it is because women today eat a lot differently than they did 20 years ago, that and women today don’t smoke during pregnancy- which was why my mother in laws kids were premies and so super tiny. But the funny thing is now my husband is huge, he is over 6 feet tall and his brother is not too tall but both are pretty big guys - you would have never guessed it had you seen them when they were babies. Speaking of that, unfortunately no one seems to have any baby pics of me when I was little so I can only guess what the baby will look like from what Dean looked like when he was a baby. I just know he will be soo cute! - if he looks at all like his daddy!