Breaking through the Fibrofog…

I faxed the last week of my blood sugar readings to my dr today and they called and said I need to start taking some medicine to control it. Today my sugars have been very high, I cant help but wonder if it has something to do with my feeling under the weather, but I sit here with a grumbling belly and unable to eat because if I do my already high sugar level will go through the roof doing God knows what kind of damage if any to Kiddo. So I will just be hungry I guess. Tomorrow is my first ob appt that I will go to without Dean. He is trying to save his time off for once Kiddo is here, not to mention at least a few of those many upcoming ultrasounds. So I dont mind too much, but I still am always worried about these appts especially now with the sugar and iron problems and it helps to have him along to comfort and well basically to talk to so I dont worry. But I am sure it will be fine, I know there are tons of women who go to almost all of their appts alone and I know I am blessed to have Dean go with me.

I spent the evening at Dean’s rehearsal. I wanted to go so that I wouldnt be so alone this evening, especially since I will be off of work all day tomorrow and I wont really have any time to spend with Dean until 3 weeks from now.(until his show is done with). It was nice to just be there with him, especially since I dont know the play and only know what he tells me about the cast and play. It was fun but I guess I will never get used to Dean’s other life, the theater. He has much stronger relationships with other people than I think he even has with me, but I am sure that is just because they spend so much time together so often and I rarely get to spend time with Dean during this time. But I always feel left out and rejected when he works on a show and it is a hard blow now that he is so tired when he comes home and I am getting so fat and ugly, or so I think. But he keeps saying how beautiful I look, and I know he means it, but he isnt gaining weight daily and feeling so huge. So I guess it is just harder to see his close friendships with the theater friends when I already feel so left out nowadays because of my pregnant state. Which reminds me how tired I am right now, so I think I will call it a night…….Dont want you to think things aren’t going well with Dean and I, sometimes I just hate the theater, and then other days I love it. I guess I just know that Dean is having a tough time with it lately and is always so worn out, and that makes me frustrated. I guess I just wish he could always enjoy it but it isnt always so easy to do when you work 40 hours, have a pregnant wife, and have 2 people waiting for you to fix their computers in your “spare” time, as if he really ever has any……just wish he had more time to do what he enjoys, that’s not too much to ask is it?

It is getting harder and harder to get myself up and about lately, mostly because if I go from laying down to sitting up or walking I feel like I will fall over. All of the sudden my belly feels heavy. It’s like I constantly feel like I have a full bladder or stomach, kind of like after you eat a huge meal, but it is all of the time. And it doesnt help that every now and then I get reminder kicks and movement shifts that make me realize that Kiddo is really in there. It is so odd, I can’t even explain how it feels really, no matter how hard I try. I just know that in the last few days the weight has shifted and feels much heavier, I guess that is what they call the bloated feeling or something. I wish I could explain it better but I just can’t.

I may really end up getting a day off every week, I asked over 1 and 1/2 months ago to go to a 32 hour schedule because I am so tired and now I am just getting fed up with my boss. I keep telling her when my drs appts are and I mean I have an appt this Thursday and I had to track her down today to make sure she knows that I will not be at work on Thursday. I told her that I will need Thursdays off at least half a day starting June 14 and I was scheduled to start having Thursdays off after June 25th but I need off every Thursday before then except for June 7 so I told her this and she said we will discuss it tomorrow. And after having this conversation with her I find out she just told my co-worker that she would be transferring to another office on Thursday which would make it impossible for me to have off every Thursday yet I asked off for these days well in advance. So none the less it ended up that she told me that tomorrow she will evaluate the office staff schedule and see if we can start to give me my 32 hour schedule starting this week, but this is the third time , at least she has said this. I am tempted to get a drs note this Thurs at my appt saying I cant work 40 hours just to kick her in motion, but I dont think that should be necessary, I mean I asked months ago to reduce my hours because I just get too tired and here it is almost June and they still wont make up their mind. I guess you could say I am mad about it, but mostly just frustrated that I have been exhausting myself over my job and no one cares. But this is my own fault.

I miss Dean a lot when he has rehearsals all of the time. But tonight I met him for dinner then went shopping for a few hours to occupy myself. I never go shopping alone, okay, not often, but I always feel so good after I do. I was so proud of myself for buying hardly anything. But I still end up missing time with Dean. yeah, we live together and all, but when he is working on a show he is never around, or so it seems. And I know this upcoming weekend will be even worse because he has to work on the play then too. I guess I should start to make plans for myself now so that it wont be so bad. I hear babies r us is having a huge sale Saturday!

Yesterday was another gloomy looking day for the most part. So we went to church then to a picnic at my in laws church, it was a good thing it was under a tent because it started to pour down rain while we were eating. Then we all came home and took a nap, I hadnt been feeling good so I needed to rest. I have been having odd belly cramps, no doubt just some sort of growing pains, but it hurts none the less. Then we went to babies r us and got the pack and play we wanted, my grandmom buys all the grandkids babies those so she had sent a gift slip for it so I thought my mom would like to be w/ us when we bought it. And we got the diaper stacker that matches our set. Not to mention a cute outfit that was on sale for Kiddo.

But mom left early this morning, it is always strange having them come visit, especially when they stay with us and not at a hotel. We never have anything planned to do and this weekend it was too nasty out to go do much. So we usually sit around or go shopping. Oh well. Not to mention this time I was too tired most of the time. But I am sure mom understands. I am glad they came, now she knows how nice we have the house for the baby and all the nice things we have for Kiddo.

Today Dean and I are going down to the Taste of Cincinnatti which is a festival held downtown with lots of food and concerts. We’re going to meet some friends for lunch and go watch Katie Reider. Hopefully I wont get too tired and grumpy but the way I’ve felt this weekend I doubt it will be too fun for me, not to mention I hate fumbling through big crowds. But Dean will enjoy it and we will have time to spend with friends. I am soo glad we had off today, I wouldnt want to go to work today if I had to. It is getting harder and harder to get myself out of bed in the morning, one because of my growing belly and secondly because I am always so tired. Well, heres to a great day! Now if we could only get that sunshine to stick around ………

We decided to go shopping this morning, to get me some maternity pants, with not much luck I might add, but I did get 2 shorts on sale and one pair of pants for work. I had a hard time finding ones in my size, but oh well. So then we went to eat lunch and came home and took a nap, everybody but Dean. He watched a movie. So once everyone was up we decided to call Dean’s parents and tell them we were coming over, because last night Dean’s mom said we should stop over this afternoon to visit. So after Deans movie was done we headed over to his moms. I opened the door and there sat family and friends and lots of gifts!!! I almost cried. They had suprised me for sure. It was a few theater friends and Dean’s parent, sister, and my parents. It was a small gathering but lots of gifts. My mom had sent out invites to everyone in Baltimore asking for them to send gifts w/ her since I couldnt make it home. So my mom had stopped at Dean’s parents yesterday to pick up a key to our house and dropped off all of the gifts from back home, thus why mom hadnt given us any thing she had said she bought last week. I had no clue!! So here I got gifts from friends here and my grandparents and few aunts/uncles had sent gifts w/ my mom. So we ended up with lots of good stuff. We even got our comforter crib set and the bath tub set we wanted not to mention lots of little essentials. So here I was complaining about not having stuff and Dean and his mom and my mom had been planning for a month to have a shower today! I had no clue. I cant believe I didnt even think about it. Not once, and it even took me a few minutes to understand what was happening when I walked in the door. So todays been full of suprises!! Caleb is so blessed, and well so are we. Thanks everyone! Especially to my wonderful husband for thinking about me and asking my friends to come!

Yipee!! My blood sugar readings were all good yesterday. This mornings was high but I had an extra snack last night, just a biscuit from Popeyes, but I am sure it was loaded with lots of carbs. So I think that is why this mornings was high. So, even though the dr said I am in the high risk category and would probably need medicine and a new diet I think he is wrong. I think if my readings keep being the way they have then he will be very suprised. My mom said it is because there are lots of people praying for me and the baby, and I have no doubts about that. But I still want weekly ultrasounds even if I can control my diabetes, I hope the dr will still do them. Well, at least one more to make sure if we are really having a Caleb or is it really going to be a Brynn?

My mom and step dad got in yesterday afternoon. We went to a concert at church last night, it was great. Lots of great music and worship! And it was strange because not only did my parents go but Dean’s went also. So it was a family outing. It was nice to have us all together. My parents and Dean’s get along very well, my step dad actually got up this morning and went to breakfast with my father in law. Since they are early risers and the rest of us wanted to sleep in, even if I did still get up at 8 but that is still sleeping in considering Caleb was awake at 6 and kept kicking and telling my belly I was hungry. But I was able to sleep on and off til 8. And by the time I got up and got ready for the day Dean was ready to wake up and mom was out of the shower and dressed. So now we just need to decide what to do on this gloomy blustery day.

Dean & I spent most of day at the hospital for my diabetic education appointments. The first lady we met with had very bad communication skills and it about drove me nuts. But we got the information we needed from her so that was all that mattered. I am on a 2100 calorie diet which is probably more than I eat now and I have to eat 3 meals a day, 3 snacks a day and check my sugar four times a day. Now for me eating 6 times a day is way too much food. Sure I used to overeat and all but not in 6 meals, maybe at one meal I would eat too big of a portion. So I asked her if I had to eat snacks in between meals and she said yes because it keeps my blood sugar more stable. So I think this diet will just make me gain more weight but we will see. Since I have been watching what I eat my sugar has been good. I have to fax the specialist my sugar readings in a week and if they are still high he will put me on medicine but for the last 2 days the levels have been fine. So who knows. They said it takes 3-5 days for your sugar to lower once you change your diet and well that’s about how long its been since I stopped the sugar so hopefully I wont have to take medicine to control it, that is my goal anyway, the dr seems to think I wont be able to since my readings were so high but today and yesterday they have been good, so we will see.

This new diet thing has Dean watching his carbs and sweets and I am sure it is good for him. We tested his sugar a little bit ago and it was great so I guess he is fine but I am sure eating healthier wouldnt be a bad idea.

I got another dreadful leg cramp last night. It’s been about a month or so since I had them really bad so I am not quite sure why I got one last night seeing as I took all my supplements and ate my banana. My leg is still sore from the cramp last night. So I dread waking up tonight with one. Hopefully I wont get another one, we’ll see.

My mom comes tomorrow! How exciting! Well kind of, I am sure it will be somewhat stressful, she will fuss about my sugar and what I eat and no doubt make numerous coments on my weight seeing as she hasnt seen me since January and then you couldnt even tell I was pregnant so she will probably be in shock for a while. But I look forward to seeing her. It ought to be a nice visit. I hope Dean survives it! He always gets mad at me for getting so crazy about having the house nice when she comes and I think this time is worse because I think she will analyze more because the baby is coming soon. But the house is in tip top shape so it should be okay. Now I need to rest, it’s been a long eventful day. I’ll try to write while mom is here but if I dont get to it I apologize ahead of time.

Today I got an invite in the mail for a baby shower for a friend of ours from the theater. I got mad at myself because I actually got upset over it. I guess it is just hard knowing not to expect a shower since all of my family and friends are still in Maryland. Not that I want gifts or anything I just want to enjoy the fun of having a party for Kiddo, and playing all of those goofy baby shower games. I think my mom is kind of bothered about it too, she had told me before that she feels bad for not being able to have a shower for me since I cant make it home before Kiddo arrives. Oh well, I dont know why I let it get to me, but whenever I think about all of the things Kiddo will miss out on since most of his family is so far away, I get upset. It was our choice to move here not his. And I know we still have Dean’s family here and our church family but it’s just not the same as my family. I probably shouldnt get all worked up over it as is there is no changing things now, but sometimes I cant help but wonder what Kiddo will miss out on being here and if we did the right thing moving here to begin with. But then when I think about where we are now and the friends we have it’s hard to imagine leaving this either. So it’s kind of a no win situation. Too bad we cant just put all the people we love in the place that we want to live all within the distance of a short drive, instead of a ten hour one!