Breaking through the Fibrofog…

2Ch 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I [God] hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

A while back, ok maybe not that long ago, our church did an extensive series on this verse alone. Tonight in my prayer time it came back to me. Our land needs healed. Looting and chaos is running rampant, the people are scared and have no hope. Please pray that in this time of desperation that God’s light and hope will shine through, so that He can heal our land.

Day #3 and so far I’ve been able to have pretty good communication with Dean. Until today that is. Now when I call his cell I get this lovely greeting: “Due to the hurricane in the area where you are calling we are unable to complete your call, please try again later.” It’s sad and I cant imagine how it would feel to be calling loved ones who lived in that area and not being to find out if they are ok. Tonight Caleb didnt cry for Dean before bed for once, but it may have been because he was too tired. Bo doesnt seem to notice the change much, he’s so carefree he barely cares when I leave him in a room alone. I doubt he’ll be much of a momma’s or daddy’s boy til he’s older and able to care about us more. he’s way too independent and into learning new things about his environment to care about who is around. Although I’m sure he’ll be all grins when he sees Dean again.

My mom called to tell me to watch the news, Dateline was having a special about Katrina. I’ve been hesistant to watch but I knew I need to. I’m in tears again, a family with three kids and one on the way hadnt eaten in a day and were stranded with no gas and a flat tire. I dont know how strong I’d be in that position and I ‘m sure I’d be much more upset than they were. My heart longs to be there, along side Dean doing something. I feel useless here. I hate that life here is going on like nothing is wrong. People are going to work, kids are going to school, all while hours away fellow Americans are in pain and suffering like we could never imagine. I want to do so much more but I know right now I cant. I’ll continue to pray because I know that will help but I really wish there was more I could do. I finally got to see, thanks to the news, where Dean is going and what some of the damage is there. It’s been hit pretty hard too, it’s just not underwater like New Orleans. I’m happy to know that he will helping those who are going through this hard time, but I still know there’s so much more to be done. I am hurting for those hurting and mourning for those who deserve to be mourned, and it’s hard because life is going on here. Tomorrow Caleb has school and I’ll have to meet Bo’s needs then we’ll have life group tomorrow night. It all seems so shallow; there has to be more than this. God help us do what we can to help even when we think there’s nothing we can do.

Caleb is truly a daddy’s boy. If he gets hurt, he doesnt want mommy he wants daddy. Sometimes I feel like I dont exist to him when Daddy is home. This week is hard on him. He’s already cried several times today for Dean. Once for a good long time, right before nap. He also says he doesnt want to go to school tomorrow. I think it’s just too much going on at one time. I mean he’s used to always being around at least one of us and now Dean is gone and he’s away from me for half the day. Next week at least when he goes to the full day schedule Dean will be home after dinner. it’s a lot for the poor kid to deal with and for the most part he’s doing great, but it’s hard to hear him be genuinely sad and I know he really misses Dean because I do too. It was harder today because I had a ton of running to do, thank God it’s pay day! So the kids had to endure several stores although we did go to visit a friend; but leaving there made Caleb sad too.

A few days late in psotitng these but here’s some pics of Caleb’s first day at school, Monday August 29, 2005.

Caleb’s first locker!

Caleb on his first day of school

I know I’m a loser, but I miss Dean already. We’ve talked a zillion times since he’s left but it’s just not the same. Before bed last night Caleb cried and wanted him home, today he did the same before nap. I cry when I watch the news or read about Katrina’s effects online somewhere. Pregnancy hormones arent helping my mental state any so it hasnt taken much to bring me to tears, but take away one of my biggest strength, Dean, and I’m no good. I admit I’m needy, I need my hubby; for a lot of reasons, but right now I’m glad he’s safe and it sounds like they’re enjoying the downtime before the real work begins, I’m guessing tomorrow. I love you honey, and I’m proud of you, forgive me for being selfish and wanting you here to be with us.

A friend always says it’s odd how much time Dean and I (and the kids) spend together. We dont do much apart, well Dean does a lot of social things and lately a second job too, but for the most part we try to do things together. I think it’s odd how couples do it when one is constantly working or out of town on business. I love my husband and I miss him when he’s gone, heck it’s just over 24 hours and I’m all mushy about it. We’ve been together for a long time, married almost 7 years ago now, and I love being with him as much as I did those first few months of young love when he’d be working or away in Ohio. Maybe I’m too dependent on our relationship, but it works for us and our marriage is great so I guess we must be doing something right. It just makes times like this hard, I admire single parents and I know I’ll get by but it still isnt fun.

I’m probably heading to bed soon, if anything I”m sleeping well this week so far. The boys and I napped for about an hour and a half this afternoon and last night I was in bed at 9 pm. I never sleep like this normally, but I know if I’m going to make it all week w/ the kids alone then I need to take what rest I can in case there’s a night when Bo is up or a day when I cant get the boys to nap at the same time. I know I”m blessed to be able to get Caleb and Bo to nap for the same stretch of time in the afternoons, or even for Caleb to nap at all at the age of 4 but he knows he needs it and tonight he’s the one who said he wanted to go to bed and he keeps begging me to come lay in bed with him, he’s sleeping in dean’s spot in our bed while he’s away. So I’ll probably give in and go to bed early again. I slept good last night but was still exhausted today, I guess those two walks today helped wear me out too. so I’m done whining about missing Dean, really I know we’ll be fine, but it’s a hard when a part of your family is missing. I am sad for those who lost family members this week during the storm, I cant imagine how painful that would be. I’ll be glad when Dean gets home safely, until then I’ll keep praying for all of us to be safe and healthy.

Things aren’t looking good, that’s for sure. Yesterday Dean said they were planning on going to Slidell LA but I just read that that city is underwater. He said they were just talking about where they are heading . My guess is they are going to drive as far as they can and do what they can where they end up. The trip is taking a long time and they dont know what is going to happen when they get closer to the damage. I am grateful to be at home safely with my two boys and am praying for the families who have lost everything due to this hurricane. I am glad Dean is going to help but at the same time, I hate for him to see such destruction. He was at the pentagon doing relife and in DC on September 11th, he knows what that kind of tragedy looks like. Dean has a big heart and I know he will face it well, but I know it brings me to tears just reading the bylines, I cant imagine what it will be like to physically see the devastation.

On our homefront, day two is going well. Caleb made it to school on time and didnt cry when I finally left him. He will be there til 12 today, luckily he’ll have lunch there so I wont have to worry what to fix him for lunch. Bo napped this morning and let me shower, of course as soon as I was done getting dressed and doing my hair he was awake, putting the laundry away can wait I suppose! Tomorrow Caleb doesnt have school, today he was amongst the first half in his class and tomorrow the other half of kids in his class go til 12. then the rest of this week is til noon with the whole day schedule beginning next tuesday.

Well I need to keep Bo out of trouble and maybe work on that laundry. Continue praying for the victims of Katrina and all rescue/relief work going on currently.

A few hours ago I dropped Dean off in Va to meet those he’ll be going to New Orleans with for Hurricane disaster Relief. the boys and I did fine on the drive there and back, but I was so uncomfy. I keep having pain in my side, it’s really bothering me after being in the car all day. Last I heard from him he hadnt yet left for the trip yet. He also still hasnt talked to his boss so we are really concerned if he’ll have a job when he gets home, whenever that may be. I’m scared he’ll lose his job but he seemed confident, well at least a little, that they’d not be able to fire him for taking off like this at the last minute, please pray he is right!! He paged his bosses several times yesterday and didnt get a return call, today he talked to his team lead but he cant ok the time off. His boss is out sick today. I’m trying not to stress and it’s not like Dean can come back quickly so they are going to have to deal for now.

I’m exhausted but the boys napped on the drive home which sucks for me. I’m planning on having them in bed early since we’ll be up early tomorrow to take Caleb to school. Speaking of school, Caleb started today, sort of. they only went for a few hours. the amt of hours increase as the week goes on and after Labor day he’ll go all day, from 7:40-2:30! So today was a milestone day for Caleb and just a little bit ago Bo had a milestone too. he stood up without holding on to anything. He got into a crawling position then just stands up. It’s amazing how quickly he’s improving at it. i wish Dean had seen him do this before he left. I’m confident Bo will be walking when Dean gets home from his trip.

Just wanted to check in, I need to go take care of the kids so I’ll try to post more when I find out what’s going on with Dean’s trip.

Please say a prayer for those awaiting the arrival of hurricane Katrina. Dean is going tomorrow to meet with some folks who will be doing disaster relief in New Orleans for a week or two. (this is the same group Dean went with to do relief at the Pentagon after Sept 11th)Dean will stay for hopefully just a week but it depends how/when they can get him home again. So pray for him and the group going as well as for me and the kids during the next week or so. I’m excited he gets to go and wish I could go too but it’s not possible to begin with with two kids and especially not in my pregnant state. So pray for all going on the trip and for the people they will be helping.