Breaking through the Fibrofog…

Yesterday afternoon we had a power outage for an hour or so, then started the snow. A few inches of snow later we had another power outage, which made me miss the end of the lifetime movie I was watching and Dean missed the end of W/out a Trace. Woke up to power and about 6 inches of snow. Apparently we got more snow than some places, cause my mom is 15 minutes away and only got about 3 inches.

Spent the morning relaxing, Dean worked from home a bit and then he made us tuna melts for lunch and let me shower in peace before heading off to the office. It was SO nice. I hated to see him go. Monday’s his birthday, he’s going to be 25! Last night he bought himself some computer gadget that allows him to watch tv on his puter so now not only can he avoid me to be online he can watch tv here too. It’s pretty neat though. We need another tv and joked that it would be cheaper to just buy another one of those things(yeah he’s the techie not me) and put a puter in our room so we can watch tv on it instead of the tiny tv we have in there now, since unlike most people, we have way too many computers that sit around and get unused.

We have a social weekend planned, looking forward to it a WHOLE lot. Tonight we are having friends over for dinner and to play cards. Tomorrow nigh my wonderful mommy is babysitting so Dean and I can go out, not sure what our plans our yet, something inexpensive because on Sunday we are going out to eat w/ our small group from church to celebrate March birthdays. A friend,whose birthday is Sunday, is pregnant and her baby is due on the 10th of March. We are all hoping she goes early, and she’s already dilated a bit but we all know it could still be a while. Another friend from church’s baby is due this weekend and her husbands birthday is Monday too. Lots of March birthdays to celebrate!!

Say a prayer for Dana today and in the coming weeks as she recovers from her surgery.

Also keep in mind, those whose lives have been touched by Mr. Rogers. I was telling Dean this morning that off all on air personalities the only person I could say I never heard negative press on was Mr. Rogers. What a role model for both celebrities and ministers as well as he was one himself.

Awoke this morning feeling yucky and in no mood to ready Caleb and drive Dean to work, so I made him fend for himself. I know it must be hard to get motivated when Caleb and I are cozy in bed, but it has been so hard for me to get up this week. It probably has to do with being so lazy last week from being stuck with no place to go. Before Dean left he came and told me it was probably a good thing I stayed in bed because there was a nice blanket of snow outside and more snow coming down. I knew they were calling for snow but it wasnt supposed to show up until this afternoon. I do not drive in snow sleet or rain if I can avoid it. I am not a confident driver and if it means risking Calebs safety I often choose not to drive. So it would have made me very mad to have gotten showered and ready for the day to have to battle this mess. Its supposed to snow all day today and tomorrow. The snow from the blizzard is still around so this means it will just take longer for all of it to go away. Yippee! I cant wait for spring!

Forgiveness
Bobby Tomberlin/Jim Witter

Little Mickey Johnson was my very best friend
In first grade we swore we’d stay that way to the end
But in seventh grade somebody stole my bike
I asked Mickey if he knew who did it, and he lied
Cause it was him…

And when I found out it hit me like a ton of bricks
And I can still see that look on his face when I said
“I never want to talk to you again”

Sometimes we lose our way
We don’t say things we should say
We hold on to stubborn pride
When we should put it all aside
To waste the time we’re given seems so senseless
And one little word shouldn’t be so hard…
Forgiveness…

A little card arrived on my wedding day
“Best wishes from an old friend” was all it had to say
No return address, no, not even a name
But the messy way that it was written gave it away
It was him…
And I just had to laugh as the past came flooding through my mind
I should have picked up that phone right then and there
But I just didn’t make the time…

Sometimes we lose our way
We don’t say things we should say
We hold on to stubborn pride
When we should put it all aside
To waste the time we’re given seems so senseless
And one little word shouldn’t be so hard…
Forgiveness…

Sunday morning paper arrived on my step
The first thing I read filled my heart with regret
I saw a name I hadn’t seen in a while
It said he was survived by a wife and a child
And it was him…
When I found out, the tears just fell like rain
Cause I realized that I’d missed my chance
To ever talk to him again…

Sometimes we lose our way
We don’t say things we should say
We hold on to stubborn pride
When we should put it all aside
To waste the time we’re given seems so senseless
And one little word shouldn’t be so hard…
Forgiveness…

One little word shouldn’t be so hard…
Little Mickey Johnson was my very best friend…

Sometimes you just know when your heart is being pulled in too many directions. While standing in line to get my new cd autographed today I was trying to keep Caleb quiet and carry on a conversation with a lady in front of me. She started talking to me at first about Caleb and I slowly learned that she would have talked to anyone who looked willing to listen. We talked a little, in between trying to get Caleb to get still long enough to be in line. Ends up she has had 9 pregnancies, 6 of her babies are “in glory” as she stated. I believe most were miscarraiges and the one she talked about most was her son who was still born. She said she has 3 wonderful daughters that are all in school now. I felt such a pain and guilt that I didnt know what to say to her. She told me lots more about herself, and this was a complete stranger. I knew there was a reason I was there and was talking to her but now I feel like I let her and God down. I was my usual introverted self and did my best to talk to her but I just couldnt handle all the stuff she dropped on me and wrestle w/ Caleb. I wish I could go back and ask for her forgiveness and take her out to lunch and talk more. Funny how my day keeps being about forgiveness. I’ve been struggling a lot lately emotionally for several reasons and often when I get in these moods it takes me back to my past and brings up lots of feelings I hate to have. Feelings that I wasnt a good enough friend to people and that I let a lot of people down. Not sure why I’m struggling with this, but seems to always happen as I start new relationships and try to build lasting friendships. It sucks. Why cant my baggage get lost , maybe if I check it at the baggage claim area it will conveniently get misplaced…..if it was only that easy…….

I am so excited to have something fun to do today. Caleb and I are going to a free concert of Jim Witter being held by a local Christian radio station at lunch time. I love this guys music and the first time I heard his song Forgiveness I sarcastically asked Dean if he made them play that song for me. It’s about a guy who loses a best friend over a lie and how he never talks to him again. Throughout the song the friend sends him annonymous wedding wishes and later the man reads his old friends obituary and never gets the chance to make peace with him. I have a friend who I lost as a teenager over silly girl battles and in the end for not standing up for her or so she thought, I really was just not giving in to choosing sides and was keeping to myself, but I dont think anyone realized that and thought I was purposefully hurting my friend, but in an attempt to keep peace I kept quiet and w/drew, as is usually my way. Over the years I have sent her several letters, left her voicemail messages and more recently a baby gift for her second child(thanks to babiesrus you dont have to know the persons address it does it for you!) I dont expect her to be my friend but I want to do my best to show my apologies and to let her know that she is always in my thoughts and prayers, and there arent many days that go by that I dont think about her and wonder how she is and what her babies look like. Ironically I just emailed what I think is her email address to say hi, and I had no intentions of writing this but the song always reminds me of her. Needless to say, today Caleb and I will be going there to meet the singer and have lunch.

How is is that Caleb knows just when to come mess w/ the puter while I am in the middle of a entry? I was almost done a lengthy entry and then over comes Caleb and does something, he’s so quick I dont even know what he did, but gone was my entry. It went something like this: flooded basement, dry basement, flooded basement, sick baby, great friends, great hubby, and blah blah blah. And of course right when my wonderful toddler comes over to chat w/ me is when I writing all about him and how big he is getting and to prove it, he is becoming quite a computer guru. So sorry folks, this is the abbreviated version. Todays been bad, yesterday was OK but not great, Saturday was hell, and yes I mean it. But there’s always tomorrow…..