Breaking through the Fibrofog…

Thank God for kids that are finally sleeping through the night! Zeke is on the mend, seems tons better today, thankfully! I am worn out though for some reason. I’ve been keeping track what I eat so I can count calories, carbs and the like and lately I’ve not had time to do so til the end of the day. Seems I’m still NOT eating enough calories. I dont know what to do. I feel like I’m eating tons. I think I may need to see a dr and nutrionist. I am truly concerned this may be a deeper problem than I can fix on my own. I’ve seen a nutrionist in the past when I had diabetes(while pregg0) so I know a lot already but I just am having a hard time getting to my needed amt of calories a day. I’m lucky to get 1200 calories a day, which is bad, esp. when I’m excerising everyday. If I dont increase my food intake I wont lose weight and that wont be helpful at all. Blah…who would have thought losing weight would be so hard and that I’d not eat enough!

For example, breakfast today included: Special K Fruit & yogurt cereal, an orange, and a lite vanilla yogurt w/ water to drink, all of that is only 235 calories and I’m stuffed!  I should eat at least 500 calories a meal.  Blah!

taking Zeke to the dr today.   He’s had a fever of anywhere from 102-103 since Sunday night.   last night he had trouble breathing even after his albuterol, nose drops and vapor rub on him.   He slept best propped up.   I spent the first half of my night listening to him struggling to breath from our room and finally decided I couldnt take it so got him up, he was barely asleep, and after medicating him more, his fever was 103 then, I took him to bed w/ us so I could monitor him easier.  he wouldnt drink so I let him have a juice box and that he took every now and then.   he hasnt wanted to eat in days either.  but other than sounding congested, having a fever and being lethargic sometimes no other symptoms.    his nose isnt running, he’s not coughing.  sounds like all of the congestion is in his chest.   Poor little guy  has been miserable!   and it’s been keeping us up so we’re pretty tired ourselves!

Zeke has been very interested in the bathroom.  He will go in there and say pee and pull on his diaper.  I thought it was just a fluke thing, and maybe just him imitating Bo.  But…today I knew he probably needed a clean diaper anyway so I took his off and sat his scrawny behind on the toilet.   He sat for a minute acting like he was pooping, then said all done.  Sure enough he had pooped on the potty!!   I took him off and he went to the living room while I went to get a diaper.   Then he was back in the bathroom standing next to the toilet peeing on the floor, he couldnt get himself high enough to reach, so I sat him back down on it and he pooped some more.  Sorry for TMI but I’m so amazed.   He will pull at his diaper when he is dirty and tell me to change him  so there may be a chance he will potty train early , but before he’s 2 is beyond imaginable in my head.  yes yes yes…I know it’s possible but not amongst my kids, and while I’d love to have no diaper expenses, I am a little skeptical of making him train so young, the chance of regression is much higher, esp. before age 2.  Oh well…we’ll entertain him if he asks to go and see how it goes.   But maybe this is a blessing in disguise!   wohoo for the thought of less than a year ahead with diapers to change!

Someone once told me the sound eggs make when you first put them in a pot to hard boil them sounds like the lil’ chicks crying out as they die.  Tonight I’m tired and overly emotional and well…freaking eggs are making me sad!   I just want some egg salad tomorrow for lunch (on a low carb wrap…perfect healthy lunch on a diet - high protein, low carb and oh so yummy!)…why make me feel so guilty about it, dont I have enough guilt going around these days?!?BAH!!

plus side of today, Dean’ off for most of tomorrow, he’s going in at 6 a.m.(poor guy) and coming home so I can get the crown on my tooth that had the root canal at 10, hopefully feeling fine enough after to go to curves then he has an afternoon dentist appt.   Hoping for a relaxing day, but knowing it probably wont be since I slacked around on chores, esp. laundry all weekend.  and zeke is sick….so he might need to see the dr tomorrow, esp. if his breathing doesnt improve.  just not looking forward to all the week has to offer when I know I should be.   Was in a really good mood yesterday not sure what happened today…I think I’m just a little too tired and emotional for some reason (no not hormonal!)

Today I decided I’d make a new recipe, nothing all too odd for me. but the ingredients kind of concerned me, whole wheat flour, curves cereal and no SUGAR (other than brown sugar) I made a chocolate chip cookie recipe off of the curves website. they are actually really good. The only thing I majorly went against was it only called for 1/4 cup mini chocolate chips - for a batch of dough that makes 4 dozen cookies…..sorry, it had a lot more chips than that. Dean said I broke the rules but I dont mind eating cookies made w/ splenda and I think we may stick w/ whole wheat flour now too since it’s healthier, but I WILL not skimp on chocolate, esp. if it’s the only diet thing I wont do. A woman needs her chocolate! and theres just no substition. I got chocolate ice cream made w/ splenda and it wasnt even worth the money. It was just plain gross! So…I’m all for eating better but I dont think a few extra chocolate chips is going to make or break me!

Last Friday I had my weigh in and measure at curves.  I had lost no weight or inches, except in my thighs.  (not a bad place to lose from!)  So I was about to thrown in the towel and give up, and not even bother getting weighed in today for the kmart challenge, since you have to lose 2 lbs in 2 weeks to stay in the competition.  My trainer at curves said I wasnt eating enough and was exercising too much(esp. since I wasnt eating enough) So I did throw in the towel on the strict diet I had myself on, and it apparently helped!  I’ve been to curves 5 out of 6 days this week(didnt go on Tuesday)  and yesterday I weighed in there just to see if I should bother doing the Kmart weigh in today, and I had lost weight!   I worked out again today w/ my friend then we went to weigh in, on their scale I’ve lost 3 lbs since two weeks ago. I was just hoping for at least 2 lbs and knowing I lost 3 since last Friday is awesome!   So I am a little more confident that I can lose the 50 lbs, maybe not by the end of the Kmart challenge, but surely by my own goal of by my 30th Birthday which is January 2009.  3 down…..47 to go!  hopefully more than that even!

It started out as a busy day, awards assembly at 8:30 for Caleb’s school then Zeke’s E.I. specialist was coming at 9:45 a.m.   So my friend was going to take Boaz w / her after the assembly so there wouldnt be as many distractions for Zeke’s appointment.   After that she kept both boys so I could go to curves and then we came home for lunch.   We went to get Caleb and then he and Bo went back to her house to play w/ her kids while I got Zeke down for nap.  I fell asleep shortly after reading my devotion and woke up later to wonder why it was so quiet!!  It’s been almost an hour an a half of quiet!   I cant believe it, I seriously owe her and her hubby big time (he’s a teacher so he’s home now too)  Dean’s working late, til who knows when tonight and again tomorrow and maybe Sunday too on this big project they’ve got going on , so I know this peace is only temporary, bu it’ so appreciated!!   Thanks so much Minda(as Zeke likes to call her!)

off to make dinner before they get back to bother me…I mean to spend time w/ me for the night!