Breaking through the Fibrofog…

Things I love about not being pregnant anymore:

1. holding my precious baby boy
2. watching Dean hold our precious baby boy
3. wearing my regular clothes, that’s right, right back into my non maternity pants!! wohoo! but thats not too surprising since up until about 2 weeks ago I could still fit in them! the fun part will hopefully needing new smaller size pants in a month or so.
4. not having morning sickness
5. being able to sleep laying flat and still be able to breathe
6. being able to sleep in our bed again and not in the recliner
7. walking up/down the stairs without getting out of breath

a week ago today I was completely stressing out, today I’ve been lying in bed all morning. For a while I sat w/ laptop close by balancing the check book w/ one hand and w/ the other nursing the baby. When Dean got home from taking the big brother to preschool he came home and we sat together catching up on our Tivo playlist until he finally decided to get up and put away the laundry. Mind you I am completely able at this point to put clothes away, I’m just taking it all in today. It’s such a contrast to how my last Tuesday was spent. Right now I am here with the baby sleeping by my side while Dean goes to get the big brother from school. It’s an amazing thing, this family of 4.

Last time I managed to get in a good deal of sleep, the baby ate around 2 am and then again at 6 am. I’ve been awake ever since, but getting more than an hour of sleep at one time is a great accomplishment and it felt really good. I’ve been managing in a really good afternoon nap while both boys sleep and I can barely stay awake by that time and my body feels so much better after I take that long nap.

It’s hard adjusting to being a nursing mommy since I never was able to do this with Caleb, it’s an amazing feeling to be able to provide for the baby but I”m so tempted to give in to just one bottle feeding or a at least using a pacifier, but so far this baby has not had either, no bottle, no pacifier. I am in shock at that one. It’s been rough a few times, but as long as I can nurse when he gets fussy we are all set. it’s the whole nursing in public that is scaring the heck out of me. I dont know how we’ll do it and I’m really not looking forward to it, I guess for now we’re just doing our best to make sure he’s fed right before we go anywhere and praying he stays calm while we are out. I want to do this for my baby and for me but it’s a hard thing, dont believe anyone who says breastfeeding is easier than formula feeding. Sure there’s no bottles to clean, no heating up of said bottles, and no buying formula, but at this point I feel like the human pacifier and that can get a to be a little annoying. But overall this has been a ton better than my breastfeeding attempts with caleb, so thats an answer to prayer. If anything we’re saving money on formula this way even if it only last for a little while. I dont look forward to the day when Dean goes back to work, but I’ve got 3 weeks to worry for that day to come, so for now I’ll take what I have. I love having all my boys at home, we spend a lot of time cuddling in bed together, all 4 of us and it’s wonderful. Caleb loves holding his baby, and he’ll tell you it’s his baby, his baby boy. It’s adorable! For weeks I’ve worried how hard this would be, adding another child to our family but now it feels so natural, so complete.

we had our first outings yesterday, as a family of four. we took Boaz to the pediatrician to get his bilirubin checked again, then headed to visit Boaz’s great grandparents. After that we went to visit a friend who hadn’t seen the baby yet and I nursed for the first time outside of my home and the hospital, and it wasnt too bad, luckily we had no problems w/ latching on so it went well. Then we all came home and napped really well, even Dean! Last night we managed our first trip to Target, and it went smoothly. We’re trying to find some clothes that will better fit the baby. All of the 0-3 months outfits are huge on the baby as he only weighs 6 lbs 5 oz now. Dean’s brother gave us 2 outfits that are for Newborn, and say up to 7 lbs, so today we hope to find more of that size. Target only had newborn but it said up to 11 lbs and we have tons of those size clothes and the poor baby looks lost in them! So that’s the goal for today, another outing with all of us, ought to prove interesting!

well I just wanted to check in since I hadnt in a while but now the Baby is awake and it’s almost time for him to eat. so gotta get. hope everyone is having a great week!

be prepared, this contains graphic info about babies, breasts and c-sections!!!

Well, we managed to figure out how to finally get online at the hospital, so I wanted to do my best to let you know what was going on. After our surgery time was bumped back on Wednesday due to another mommies ER c-section, we anxiously entered the OR, or at least I did. I immediately started shaking because it was so cold. I waited while the anastheiologist (sorry about spelling) prepared to do my spinal/epidural. I told her several times that I didnt want to get shaky, vomit or be numb for a long time since with my first pregancy I was dumb for about 24 hours after I got it. I told her I was extremely sensitive to meds and told her give me a lower dose if she could to avoid problems. (There is more where this came from … )

Boaz Iain McKenzie was born at 10:48 a.m. on November 24th weighing in at 6 lbs 14.6 oz. He is 19 inches long. He is doing great and so is mommy! We will be staying til Sunday at latest but are hoping to go home Saturday morning.

See Dean’s entry for some pictures.

This will be my last update for a few days, but I’ll have Dean do his best to update here sometime soon. It’s hours away from the big c-section and doesnt look labor is going to happen anytime soon. I’ve had cramps and what I think are contrax all day long and tons of pressure but unless my water breaks I dont think anything is going to go anywhere. The in-laws just arrived and Caleb is super excited, now getting him to bed will be a chore. I hoped to be in bed early since I have to be around 5:30, but thats not likely to happen. I’m packing last minute stuff now in my bag, I decided I should pack a few outfits so I”m not entertaining visitors in jammies for four days, that would drive me nuts! Well thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts lately! I’m still not dealing well with things, emotionally and all, and at this point I guess it doesnt matter, it will all be over soon and then I’m sure my emotions will get even crazier. I dont want to talk to anyone, I just want to lay in bed and cry and not have a c/s in the morning, but thats not gonna happen. I will be very thankful to hold my new baby boy tomorrow and am praying he’s ready to come into this world.

Is it too late to call and cancel my repeat c-section??? God I dont want this tomorrow. Why cant I just go into labor, if one more person tells me I should be glad I wont have to labor I”m going to hit them, and hard. You have your freaking kid ripped from your stomach and have weeks of recovering from sugery, and tell me thats got to be better than doing things a little more naturally. It’s not like I had a bad c/s the first time, I just am scared to death of surgery. My last few hospital stays were hell, and I”m not up for that again. Sure it will be different this time and things could be great, but it’s still major surgery which means major health stuff and for me that stuff is never easy. I want my baby boy in my arms now, I am just not ready for force things and have him taken out in such a vicious way. I guess if God thought we were interferring in His plan he’d do something about it huh? I’m running out of faith that I could go into labor between now and tomorrow morning and it’s depressing. Everyone keeps saying now it’s best for everyones schedules to stick to the plan but screw their schedules what about my feelings and the babys health. blah! this day is going to be a long one.

oh my, 24 hours to go!!! I think I’m going to go crazy!!!