Breaking through the Fibrofog…

We woke up to a beautiful spring day! We all got started doing our own things, me working on finishing cleaning the basement up while Stace and Dean started cleaning up the yard. (Caleb was playing outside in his saucer) Dean asked me what I wanted to see done today and every day he’s asked that I’ve told him I want to paint the kitchen. Today I was super motivated though. So around 1 we started, around 2 disaster struck. While attempting to paint the trim above the cabinets, Dean mistakenly kneeled down right onto our stove. Now if we had a cheap stove that would be fine, but we have one of those flat stove tops, that you can just see the burners when its on, not sure how to describe it, but it made the loudest noise and when I turned around I didnt even think to ask how he was, I just started yelling. We decided to finish painting then worry what to do about our now broken stove. Dean found out by looking online that to replace the stove top it would be $301 and thats w/out shipping or anything. We figured we may as well just get a new stove, so in a bit we are going stove shopping since we no longer have one. So not only do we have a freshly painted kitchen, we will soon have a new stove. If we could afford it I’d be more excited, but we dont think we’ll survive too long w/out a stove.

I said we could probalby, since the oven will still work, we think. And we have a crock pot, a microwave and a George Forman grill so it’s not like we dont have any way to cook, it’s just easier to have a stove! Dean’s big thing was not being able to ground beef, I said we dont need to but I guess he would prefer that than homemade meatballs, but me I’d rather have meatballs. None the less, we are praying there’s a good sale on stoves this weekend cause we werent budgetting for a new stove by any means. So it was a nice day…….but I am sure I will be happy, I’d love to pick out a stove, oh yeah, I am going to get to!!! Like I said, it would be much nicer if I knew we had money to buy one!

My mom and I revived an old tradition, we made Easter candy together. Okay, I don’t know if it was a tradition for real or not, but I remember, one of my only positive childtime memories, making candy w/ my mom. When I got older I found out she used to do it for a living, be a baker I guess is what you’d call it. She’d make & decorate cakes, make candy, and the like and sell them to people that ordered it. She was a great baker, and still is but doesnt do it often. I have always had a nack with cooking and baking and even an interest in it, so when my mom asked if I wanted to get together with her today since she had the afternoon off I jokingly said we can make candy together. She was very excited about the idea, as was I. I had talked with friends how mom and I used to make candy and they all asked if I’d be making any this year and I said probably but I’d never made it by myself so I didnt think I’d get around to it, especially alone all day w/ Caleb. So now we have tons of chocolate covered peanut butter balls(or eggs as we call them seasonally) and chocolate covered cocunut balls(or eggs). There are delicious!! I cant wait to share them with our church friends, they thought they liked my cookies, now they are going to be knocking down my door for candy! It felt great to be in the kitchen with my mom, we had some tough times as a family and the ability to have a peacefull fun afternoon making candy and playing with my son was just what I needed.

I was just thinking a little bit ago as Caleb laid on my chest sleeping, how yesterday while he napped he laughed. Not just crack a grin and a little laugh, it was a long jovial chuckle. It was so sweet. he must have been remembering how fun it was to play with his daddy. He and Dean sure have fun together, he’s got to be the best daddy in the world, I mean, he even changes poopy diapers! (and for the record, he changed more diapers in the first week of Caleb’s life with us than I did).

Well, at my two week post op appt the dr and I discussed if I was going to continue taking birth control. I told him I’d rather not take it, just because I never did before and because of the side effects but that we werent sure if we were really ready to try for another baby(although it took 2 years and some help to get pregnant w/ Caleb). So the dr said to stay on it for 3 more months then when I visit him then we’ll discuss it more. The only reason I didnt argue is because he said the birth control should start working now to control the cysts from coming back. Meanwhile I am having the same type symptoms again this month and it’s horrible. It’s even worse I think this time, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I am sore and exhausted and I keep getting migraines. So either I have another cyst or maybe we’re pregnant, but I doubt the latter since we are still using the b.c. I’ll give it a few more days before I call the dr to complain. I mean I dont know what we are going to do if the b.c. isnt controlling the cyst, he really seemed to think it would, but….

I am really in the mood for some good old fashioned spring cleaning. Today I got a little done, okay, a lot considering I have to take care of Caleb. I put up this great border in our computer room. I originally bought it to go in our bathroom but after looking at it we decided it’s not quite bathroom border and it finishes off the computer room nicely. Frustrating thing is, I am about 1/3 if that, short on it, so I need to go pick up another roll. I never can measure right when it comes to border.

I really need to work on getting our bathroom painted but I cant do much w/out help and especially not w/ Caleb around. We need to sand down the walls first so I think we are going to rent something for Home Depot to make the job a little easier. It’s not that big a bathroom, and actually it’s the smallest of the 3 bathrooms we have, but the job will still be a pain. That’s really the only major project left to get the upstairs of the house really done, that and the kitchen and dining room need painted. But half of the wall there is wallpaper, so we just need to paint white from the chair rail up and above the kitchen cabinets. I bought some flowers to accent the top of the cabinets, and it looks good. We are eventually going to put in lights above the cabinets and below, or so Dean says. I just think it would like nice above. Once we get the painting done the house will be about as done as we need it for now. The basement needs some work especially the bathroom, but we’re in no rush. But Stace probably is, since that’s her bathroom, for right now she’s using one of the bathrooms up here.

Dean found out today that we can wrap his school loan into the mortgage loan! I am excited about that. It’s the only school loan we have left to pay off, and we’re not keeping up with it. I was so happy when I paid off my school loans, and getting this one out of the way would be great too. Dean’s going to see if we can wrap some of our credit card debt into the mortgage too which would alleviate some monthly payments, which would make bill paying much easier, since we’d just have to pay the mortgage which we’ll pay either way. But then we’d have to make sure we didnt use or credit cards after that. But we’ve hardly used them at all lately anyway, the only thing we really rely on is our home depot charge since we had/have so much to do here that we could possibly afford to lay down so much money but it had to be done before we moved in.

Well Caleb’s down for another nap, finally so I am going to try to get a little more done. At least now I am out of my pjs!

Caleb is growing quite a temper, that or he is just learning to vocalize. If you take him away from what he wants to do he lets out a shrill squeal. It’s so annoying. He never was like this before, so maybe he’s just learning to voice his complaints, poor kid, he doenst know we only ever take him away from things he shouldn’t have. He is fighting sleep and naps as well. I keep trying to wear him out, and I knew he was wearing down a little bit ago so I thought I’d try to give him a bottle to get him to sleep and sure enough he took the bottle, laid down w/ it then rolled to his side and kind of cuddled the bottle and out he went. I dont even think he drank an ounce of it, maybe a few sucks. Now I have to get stuff done around here, we were going to have company for Easter and I feel like the house is a mess, but it’s not really. Stace came home this morning for a bit and said now she knows I stay in my pjs all day. I dont really, just until Caleb lets me shower, and that varies each day. Today I thought it’d be silly to shower and get myself all cleaned up when I’d be cleaning house all day. I have gotten a lot done today but my mother in law just called and said plans may have changed so we might not have that much company afterall, which would make it a

Attachment parenting: How would you define it? Well, after reading in our baby books about it, it seems it’s a form of parenting in which the baby is breastfed, co-sleeps with parents, in worn or carried a lot and is geniunely in control of having his/her needs met. Last night after our church group Dean and I were talking about how different we are about caring for Caleb than some other new couples in our group. One couple has a 3 month old and the other an 8 week old I believe. Everytime we meet the one couple barely takes their baby, the 3 month old, out of his car seat. They just let him stay put until he makes a big enough fuss. That blows me away! Especially since they both work so its their time with him, or it should be. The other couple holds their baby but still tends to put her in the play pen and neither couple bothers to check on their child that often. Meanwhile Dean and I are about joined at the hip to our son. The only thing we could think of is that both of those couples are older than us, they are in their 30s while we are still young 20s. The one couple has a son and the other this child is their first.

We don’t meet the definition in all of the baby books for parents that use the attachment style of parenting but I’d say we are very attached to our son. He knows us and we know his needs. He can tell when we are sad or upset. We can tell when he is not feeling well or if he’s ready to get up to sail across the house. I don’t like judging other parents, and do my best not to. But it bothers me so much to see these parents not use that time to bond with their child. I am with Caleb all day long yet I still have problems sharing him with Dean in the evening. When I worked sure I came home and was tired but I still longed to be with my son. I wish I knew what makes parenting so diverse, I mean how different can love be. I can only hope that we are raising our son up in a loving home where he knows he can trust us and that we’ll always be there for each other.

We don’t always carry Caleb in a sling but more often than not we try to if we are going to be doing other things so that he can be with us. That or we just be with him and not do those things. he loves it and we dont have to worry about him crawling around and getting into trouble. I hate to think that some people might think we spoil our son, but in reality we are just doing what feels right. It feels right to pick up our crying son and bring him to our bed if he cant fall asleep in his crib. It feels right to hold him and cuddle him when he could be down playing , because if he wanted to be playing he sure would not let us hold him! I always find it funny to read the baby books because if I am going seeking for advice or things to do with Caleb it usually ends up being pointless because the only suggestions I find are things I already do with him. Things I must just know to do as part of my maternal instinct. Maybe I’m just too in tune with my son, but I’d rather that then have him be lonely and unloved. Funny thing is, all of the loving and holding we do with Caleb, he still spends most of his time exploring and playing. He’s more independent than most babies I know, but then again we don’t let him sit in his car seat for hours on end just because………..