About 10 years ago Dean and I sat around discussing whether or not taking fertility drugs was messing with God’s plan for us. We ended up not choosing to use drugs and got preggo soon after our 3 years of trying! It wasn’t that long ago when I was questioning whether getting a hysterectomy was something that God would approve of, I mean He gave me a uterus for a reason right? Well I resolved w/ my decision in going through with it (Nov. 2008) because I believe He wouldn’t send me to hell for trying to get healthy or want me to live a life in pain.
Tomorrow I’m going to further mess w/ the body God gave me. You know he blessed me w/ 10 fingers and 10 toes. Surprisingly one of those toes doesnt like my body though and everyday I experience great pain from the arthritis there. Tomorrow I’ll be tossing aside my God given big toe and having a new replacement one in. I dont know if this is ok w/ the Big Man either. But I am really getting sick of having to choose between whether God gifted me w/ a pain riddled body or doing something about it! (sorry Big Guy…it had to be said!)
10 years ago seems so long ago….back to a much simpler time. A time when all we had in our newly married life was the desire to be together and to build a family. Each year since then we’ve had to make decision after decision that brought us to today: 3 kids, a dog and a beautiful home, one income. We’ve made it this far and I know all through the years the Big Man himself has shown himself to be merciful and provide for us despite our decisions.
Today I grieved as Katie went home, sad for the milestones we’ll miss out on, but grateful for the year we’ve had together. That little lady showed me I had some strength left and even some purpose left in this old aging body. I believe God opened the door that brought our two families together.
I believe that tomorrow will be just another milestone for me: choosing to sacrifice today for a better tomorrow. I don’t know what the next week even month or years holds for me or my family, and I never would have thought I’d have lived as much as I have in these last 10 years, the good and the bad. But I know this…..some doors close as others open. I pray that as our family walks ahead through the darkened doorway we’ll have the strength, peace and courage to keep on walking…..in hopes of a better tomorrow.
