Sometimes I think there’s a sign on me that only others can see that says, hey talk to me about your problems…good listening ears available here.  I dont mind, in fact I like knowing people trust me enough to share their life’s joys and struggles and feel safe to do so.   But I feel so inadequate at offering an encouraging word or advice. It’s sad that I have been through some struggles that I can relate to some issues others are going through, but then there’s time when I just dont know what to say.  In those times my heart breaks.  All around me lately friends and families lives are being torn apart, hearts are  breaking, and my heart is too.

Today when I took Caleb to school, I saw our older next door neighbor, she was on the way back from walking her granddaughter to school.  I asked her if she’d mind sitting w/ the little ones in the van while I walked Caleb into school so I wouldnt have to unload them, and she said yes.  So on the drive home she shared with me some of her families struggles.   this family lost one of their twin daughters as a teen in a car accident years ago. they have always talked to me about the pain this brings them, I have no experience losing a child or anyone very close to me and I feel so insecure about why God has placed me in these conversations when I feel like I cant help them.  So today she shared that her eldest daughters husband died this weekend.   I again didnt know what to say.  I like to think that sometimes maybe all people need is a sounding board, someone to just listen and not say anything because sometimes I just feel like I cant offer my comfort.

sometimes I feel good about helping someone through a tough time, like that time i had all the right words, and I know that’s because God helped me through them.  then these last minute didnt see it coming moments happen and I feel so lost as to what to say.  I can only hope my words were encouraging and let God do the rest.

But sometimes there are days or weeks when it seems all that happens in my days is these kind of conversations.  that all around me someone is greiving or struggling with something and there I am and need to be supportive.  it really puts things in perspective when I complain about my husband not being home for 2 weeks when you know some people’s husbands may never come home.  that’s one of my biggest fears in life, and I cant imagine going through it for whatever reason.

I dont work outside of the home so I know I have more time than others to devote to relationships, and sometimes that makes me feel guilty when I dont take that time to invest in others.   but weeks like this one wear me out, emotionally.   I was in tears so much this last week over others lives and I know for some all I can do is pray.

Some days I just pray that one phone call I get or email is a positive one, not one giving me more news I wasnt expecting or dreading.  but most of all I pray that God gives me the words and strength to help others when those calls or emails come.

Several families very close to me are going through a lot of turmoil right now, one too close to home for my comfort and I am so torn up.  I dont want to leave my family and friends to go to Ohio knowing they need our support during these times in their lives.   I only pray that we can be a help to them no matter how far we are from them.

good news…Deaner comes home tonight…I’m amazed at how strong I’ve become these last few years after going through so many things and making it through another week or so without my helpmate gives me comfort to know that we can make it through, even if it’s another week or months before we are truly together as a family.    happy 8 year wedding anniversary to me!!