I have friends who ask me all of the time how I look so good when I feel like crap or how I can put on such a good show.  I dont know how I do it and lately some days I just stop trying, but on those days I try to stay home!  I dont have a chronic health condition, or at least not one as disabling as most folks. I have a lot of little things wrong with me and the doctors havent yet diagnosed most of it. Dean and I are very aware that one day that diagnosis may came and it may be MS( i return to the neurologist next week to resume testing to rule that out now that I’m not nursing or pregnant).  I just read this and I love how she explained. While there are days I feel like what I do is limited and a lot of times I do choose what I will or can do in a day.  Today I chose to go to the store so now I’m out of energy for doing laundry.  sure it might not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me.   I dont want to relate to folks who have chronic illnesses but in some respects a lot of what I’m dealing with is the same.  the meds I started this week I will be on for the rest of my life, that thought scares me. I’m young, I cant imagine taking this same medicine for so long.  I dont know how people who are diagnosed as children with chronic health problems deal with it.  I feel like a wimp. Like I should be able to deal with things, but I also know I deal a lot better with things now than I used to.
and it’s about choices. I can decide to sit at home and wallow in my misery and how sick I feel or I can do my best to get out and face the challenges of the day. today I overcame a choice and made it to the store with two kids while struggling w/ pain, nauseas, and fatigue.  I dont think I’m any better than I was before I went but I know this, I did it. I accomplished something today and while a lot else wont get done, I know I at least made it out of the house and did something that needed done today. the rest will wait til tomorrow when I recount my spoons in the morning!
