I appreciate working moms that breastfeed.   I’ve started replacing Zeke’s daytime feedings, pretty much any feeding when Dean isnt around, for a bottle feeding. The more I think about it that sounds like a dumb way to wean but it’s actually working out well for us.  So instead of breaking what is usually a bad latch while nursing Zeke to keep Bo from causing major damage I just have to put the bottle and baby down, not nearly as painful for me or the baby.   So at night time I am still nursing, which is actually easier on all of us. I imagine this is what working moms do, pump during the day while the baby is being bottle fed.   right now the baby is getting breastmilk still, although I tried some formula earlier just to see how he’d adjust, I’d hate to start it after we run out of frozen milk and find out he’s allergic.  so far he’s doing well with the changes.

It’s going to be the hardest to drop the nightime nursing since then we’ll have to actually have a bottle to get ready instead of me just getting the baby and nursing him.   I’m tired enough through the day as is and at night, so having to actually do more work through the night doesnt sound like much fun.  Since I havent started meds that I cant take yet I’m just taking this weaning thing slowly.    So far it’s not so bad.   Today I feel much more comfortable than I did during the day yesterday which was the first full day in which he had bottles while Dean was gone.  the baby seems content and I’m much less stressed.

Zeke was having a hard time latching correctly.  He could nurse and efficiently, rarely nursing on one side for more than 15 minutes top, usually less time even.  but the catch was it was always painful for me.   I tried changing positioning to make it work better but the boys tongue is screwy, something we knew when we started.    this helped me make the decision to wean now, along with the fact if I dont get some meds to get rid of the pain from gout I am going lose it.  I cant walk without having pain, let alone move my foot without pain.   the only solution is different meds which I cant take while nursing.  I’m waiting on a call from my dr, I havent yet told her I’ve decided to stop nursing if it means I can get treatment for all these medical conditions, let alone they can do more testing too.

I’m tired, very tired.   I’ve fallen  asleep sitting on the couch feeding the baby and watching Bo play several times today,each time bo comes over and laughs at me to wake me up.    I’m anxious to get my bloodwork results from this weekend to see what’s up with everything and to get the ball rolling with diagnosing what is wrong.  I knew this time was going to be hard and knew what to expect but it’s still depressing, to know no matter what I cant control how I feel.  No amount of sleep will fix this nagging fatigue.   Nothing short of a miracle will cure the other symptoms I’m having since in the past they’ve left the doctors clueless.   I’m tired of being sick, again.   I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and most of all I’m tired of feeling the effects of my illness on my family.

my boys are wonderful, all of them.  Dean tries his best to be understanding but what I really need these days is someone to help me 24-7 with the kids since I’m so tired and miserable.   the kids are doing well so far.   Zeke isnt minding the changes in his feedings.  Bo is content to occupy himself as long as he’s got lots of his cars to play with.   Caleb had a break down last night though, he didnt want Dean to leave to go to the store.  Not sure what that was about but I”m sure it’s mostly because he was so tired.   speaking of my boys, one needs a diaper change so gotta run…well get up at least, I barely have the energy to walk anywhere let alone run…