Shortly after we discovered I

Shortly after we discovered I was pregnant I wrote my father a letter telling him he was going to have another grandchild and I made sure to give him our current address and phone #. I did this so he wouldn’t come back to me and say I never told him and he heard it from someone else. Well to say that I expected a letter or phone call in return would mean that I am ignorant of who I am dealing with here. This is my father we are talking about, a man who since I was the age of six, and even before that I am sure, was and still is incapable of showing any emotion or concern for his children or much less anyone else in the world. So I wrote the letter with little to none expectations from him. So I thought seeing as he will still be our child’s grandfather that it would be best to once again try to contact him about the news that he would have a grandchild. This time I was finally able to reach him by phone, and luckily I did seeing as he is moving tomorrow and I have and still do not have forwarding info on how to reach him. So point is, I talked to dad today. I told him about the baby and he seemed a little excited but mostly wanted to talk about his life and once again spoke of how he should come visit, this time he has goals though, like coming in April and he seemed more real about it this time, so maybe that letter I wrote got through to him somehow emotionally. But alas, I was reminded as I hung up that yes, I was the one who said I love you first and will remember how mumbled his response was, but even so I know he means well and that indeed, he is still my father whom I love and always will love and I only pray that somewhere in that little heart of his he will never stop loving me back even if he never does show or even let me know. I am grateful to have such a great step father and father in law that one would think not having dad as a real dad would be enough, but now I think it means more to me to have him around or at least be in contact with him. I think being pregnant and knowing that my child may never know his grandparents that well hits me really hard. I remmeber how little I got to see my extended family due to my parents divorce and I know how it affected me, so it is so much more important to me that my child knows of and is contact with his near and dear relatives as much as he can even if we are miles away. I no longer blame my parents for what happened when I was growing up and I will never understand their feelings completely, but I must admit for once that I have forgiven them both and was suprised that even my mom thought it important I reach my dad with news about the baby. And even more significant was the fact she said she was proud of how I was dealing with his continual lack of commitment( not in those words, but I know what she meant) and she said she was glad I have learned to deal with him and said that God will bless me for doing right and loving my dad even if I dont get the same back. So maybe after all these years at least one of them has forgiven the other……….