Reflections

Today is going to be a difficult day in many ways. So like any good mom I got out of bed (despite the pain), put on my running outfit and shoes, and woke the kids up by telling them if they got ready fast enough I’d take them for donuts!  They did just that and we all enjoyed a delicious unhealthy breakfast, but my muffin was reduced fat so that counts for something right?  Then I dropped 2 off at the elementary school and 1 at the middle school.  Then I headed to the track. I knew I didn’t want to overdo it since my legs are still complaining about Monday’s run, so I took it a little slower and only did 1 mile but I did it.

The most important part of mornings like this is that when I hit the track it wasn’t to lose weight. Today’s run wasn’t even about teaching my legs a lesson. Today’s run was about me getting alone with God.  For me, my best prayer times come when I’m outside communing with nature.  For a long time my back yard was my prayer spot, until the devil got smart and ruined that for me.  (that’s a whole different story).  So, I have found that when you are running all alone at the track you are alone with your thoughts and if you listen hard enough, with God.  Because as you run, every breath is his gift to you. As you run, every step is a gift to you.  The beautiful view around you is his gift to you.  The ability to find time, let alone energy, motivation, and have the mobility to run or walk are his gifts to you. So I often enjoy spending my running time in prayer.

Small tangent, the owl in that pic on the right, well that’s an amazing part of the story but I don’t want lengthen this much more. But I honestly believe sometimes God shows up to us in different ways that let us know he’s there. For me, God almost always speaks through nature.  Thus my affinity for being outdoors in prayer.  This morning this owl was my reminder that I’m never alone. Take it or leave it, but for me it was a gentle reminder to push through the craziness of life because God is always watching out for me. I’ve had other experiences with owls before in my prayer time so I’m pretty sure there’s a special meaning to it, but I don’t want to seem to fanatical since some of you might find that weird.  😉

I asked God to speak to me today. I’m under a lot of stress and I can’t control very much of it. What I can control I do or as well as I can, but there’s much I can’t. Today as I finished up the mile I realized I didn’t really hear anything, but what I saw and felt were enough at that moment.

I walked back to the car and stood outside the van to stretch. As I stood there looking at my reflection in the van door I heard a still small voice ask “Who is she?” It’s a question I’ve been asking for a long time and been unable to answer.  I’m no longer a stay at home mom really since my kids are all in school. I am still a wife, although I can sometimes fail at being a good one.  I am a student, for another few months. I am a volunteer. I am a worker, sometimes when people need my help.  But those are all things I do, not “who” I am.

Today I have a job interview.  As I think ahead to questions they might ask I need to know who I am and who I want to be. In all honesty I don’t want to be an employee, not here and not this way.  I am exactly who I want to be right now. A mom, a wife, a student, an athlete (ok I exercise everyday so that’s the best word I could come up with), a volunteer, a leader, a daughter, and a friend.  But who I want to be and who I need to be are two entirely different things.

So who is God asking me to be? Who does he think I am? Those are the questions that matter.

Another thing that matters is if your life reflects those things to other.  Sure we aren’t supposed to care what others think, but if they see in us things that are not living up to godly standards then it does matter.  So today I challenge you to think about it. Are you reflecting a Christlike character to others?  Do your priorities align with your values?

Today I took my kids for donuts but later I’ll try to convince them they need to exercise today. I’m sending mixed messages. I say health is important but I continue to feed myself unhealthy choices. Are you feeding bad habits? I know I am. I know what areas I’m struggling with.  I’m not happy about it and it’s going to be hard to fix it, but I want to be able to look in the mirror and know I’m doing the very best I can to be who God has called me to be.  What is your reflection saying about you today?