It’s fun to watch Extreme Weight Loss and makeover shows. The participants always get cool new clothes and fun stuff when they meet a goal. In real life, losing weight isn’t that fun. At least for those of us living paycheck-to-paycheck while raising 3 kids on one income. The kids needed new fall/winter clothes. The van needed repaired. We’re officially behind on our bills. On top of that Dean and I are running out of warm clothes to wear as the cold weather sets in.
I was officially out of long sleeved shirts that fit. I was also in desperate need of new underwear and bras. I put it off as long as I could but with the cold weather settling in and having a trip coming up I needed warm clothes. It was finally time to go shopping.
I started out very excited about my shopping trip. After spending an hour looking at racks of clearance clothes at Kohl’s I found some that had swimsuits. I knew I needed one for our trip this weekend. The bonus was they were all just a few dollars and I had some Kohl’s cash to use. I spent loads of time trying on 2 piece swimsuits for the fun of it. It was the most fun I have had shopping, ever!
But I wasn’t able to find any long-sleeved shirts that were in my price range or that I liked. So I left there with very little. I headed to JcPenny. It was here that I realized how frustrating shopping is now. I got there and immediately went to the part of the store I used to frequent, the plus sizes. It’s a small corner of the large store and is very limited in selection. I soon realized nothing there would fit me. I got excited, but that soon faded.
I walked around aimlessly trying to figure out where I needed to shop. Obviously not in the plus size section, but was unsure which other sections of the stores I could look at for my size. There are sections for business, casual, older women (yes I swear there are sections that cater to older women because I hated the clothes in these sections), juniors, dresses, and fitness apparel. I kept roaming around unsure what to look at or what part of the store was for “me”. I used to be the one who was stuck in the plus size section, I now had unlimited options. It was overwhelming.
Instead of finding joy in searching for smaller sizes I got frustrated. I even found myself twice wandering back to the plus size section because I kept thinking that’s where I needed to be looking. There’s one way to accept what size you are, and it happens to be when you try on clothes. It was humbling to realize that while I still have the fat girl mentality I am no longer that girl physically. Granted I still have a long way to go, I’ve made amazing progress in the last few months. Tonight’s trip confirmed that fact.
I wasn’t ready to accept it yet. It’s really an odd revelation. All this hard work to get here and I wanted it so bad, but now that I’m here I’m not really sure what to do with myself or even who I am. I know I’ve still got more weight to lose. Between that fact, the high price tags, and knowing I was going to have to charge whatever I bought thus putting us more in debt all made the evening more sad than I would have liked.
I thought I would love going on a shopping spree to celebrate the new smaller sized me. In the end I realized I was so used to being the plus-sized girl that it’s going to take a while to adjust. I also realized that even though I had a nice amount of credit available, I still am picky about prices. I refused to get anything unless it was on deep discount or at least on sale. I also was smart enough to use coupons. I hate going into debt for things for myself. I know my closet was completely empty, but it still sucks knowing I’m contributing to increasing our debt and not doing anything to decrease it.
So all in all the night was a tad depressing. It wasn’t glamorous like you see on reality makeover shows. I guess if someone else were footing the bill, helping you pick out clothes and sending you to super cool stylist it would be awesome. But this is real life. The reality is that it’s hard to change your mindset even though you can change your body. The second reality is that new clothes aren’t as fun when you can’t afford them.
So the point of this sad post is if you are going to lose weight make sure you have the money to not only pay for your workout program/fitness membership, but also new clothes along the way. We never budgeted for these things and now we’re realizing we should have. But, I will also say, don’t wait until you’ve got your budget saved up for new clothes to wait to get healthy. If it means borrowing clothes from friends, going to the thrift store, or even going into debt it’s worth it because your health is more important than anything else. I will feel guilty about all the things I bought, even the 97 cent bathing suit bottom (no lie it was that cheap) but in the long run I know this is just a temporary setback. The end goal is to get healthy enough that I can return to work once I’m done school. I know that if I don’t take care of my health and lose weight than I may never be able to be well enough to work and help provide for our family financially. So really, it’s a small investment in my future.
So I have a few decent outfits for a now. I was hoping to fit in a haircut before our trip this weekend but it’s really not in the budget so it will have to wait. I’m thinking I’ll start saving and make that my reward for meeting my next weight loss goal. Tonight’s shopping trip was supposed to feel like a reward, and the bathing suit shopping part really was a highlight of my night, but overall I am still not completely thrilled with how the evening turned out. I’m hoping the buyers remorse goes away quickly. I never take time for me or spend money on myself. Both are commodities that are in short supply right now. I feel guilty for doing both tonight.
There’s no big reveal, no awe-struck audience in this episode of Extreme Makeover- Get Amy healthy edition. Too bad reality isn’t as pretty as Hollywood portrays it to be.
