On September 11, 2001 I held a newborn babe, my first son, in my arms as I prayed my husband in D.C. was safe. Days earlier we made the 500 mile journey from Cincinnati to Baltimore MD so that Dean could start work at the Senate building doing IT support there on Sept 10th.  Caleb was a month old on Dean’s first day of work. On September 11th, our world changed.
We held our family tighter and we loved our neighbors. Dean served food at the Pentagon to disaster workers there.  I held tightly to our baby and wished we had not brought a child into this cruel world we live in.  I was afraid for his future and ours.  I was afraid war would begin on our homeland and nothing would ever be the same.  I didn’t blame Osama bin laden, or the men who flew the jets into the Pentagon and the twin towers, I blamed a greater evil. One that lets us make our own decisions in life, good or evil ones. Sometimes man chooses to make the worst decision of all, to hate and harm his fellow man. “But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” (1 John 2:11)
Sept 2010 I was terrorized in my own home, by a Muslim man whom I thought cared about me and my family.  That first week I was so afraid for my sons, for my neighbors, for my family in Maryland.  I let a terrrorist live in my house.  I loved him like a son.  He made us think he loved us.  His governement took him home and I got no justice.  I fear for those who are in the United States that are deceiving families like us, families who mean to do well by opening our hearts and homes to someone not like us.  That there are other terrorist living down the street from you, from me, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Some says my fears are unwarranted, but you weren’t deceived like I was and don’t know the truth of the false safety you live in.
I fear that now that as a country we’ve killed a man who lead these other terrorist, that showed them how to hate and fight and lie their way into our lives, that they will show us their true selves. Last night I cried and prayed for my safety, my sons safety, your safety.  I cried because like Obama said, we didn’t ask for this.  We loved others unconditionally, without question. It was not my bullet that killed the man you idolized. I do not hate you, I hate the anger you have for me and my God. I hate being unable to focus because I am so afraid of the war that will one day break on us U.S. soil because we were too naive to open our eyes to the deceivers amongst us.
Today we are a lot closer to that happening. You don’t have to believe me, but I am afraid and there’s no celebrating the mindless killing of another man, no matter his sins.  We are fueling the fire that was already doused in kerosene hiding under our own roofs.
Pray and pray hard.  We know our God protects us and keeps us and does not want us to live in fear. It is something I know I need to work on, but unless you had a terrorist live in your house & hurt your family, you shouldn’t judge. But maybe, just maybe because you know someone who did get so close to the enemy, you will realize not all of our friends are really our friends.
There’s no way to know by looking at them, or listening to their words. They are deceivers of the best kind.  The devil is guiding their actions and words, and all we can do is pray for God’s continued protection on our family and friends.
I didn’t ask for this fear, I didn’t ask for the pain, I didn’t ask for any of it. I AM asking for the government to stop hiding the truth from us and stop letting the enemy lie in wait.  I pray I’m wrong. I really do.
But don’t hate me when we’re mourning more unneccessary loss of life, they know it’s coming, all we can do is pray that if we love others a little more, and show them that we don’t hate them, and keep buidling relationships that maybe we will soften their hearts and keep them from making the wrong choices.  Pray they do not choose evil.  But if we keep lashing out at others will hate we will not inspire them to hate less or love more. We need to be the light and flesh out the darkness around us.
I am not saying fear your neighbor, I am saying, don’t be naive and when you think you are being lied to don’t stop there. Question, and second guess, because someone could have prevented the men from flying into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.
Maybe had they loved on those men a little more, and shown them true authentic relationships, and let them know that Americans are not all evil, then maybe, like the enemy in our home, we could have stopped them from making the wrong choice.  Or at least, removed them from the ability to make the wrong choice.
sometimes loves win, but first there must be love. If I’ve learned anything since Sept. 2001 and Sept 2010, it’s that you should take nothing for granted.  Today hug your family a little harder, tell them you love them.  Let today serve as a reminder that life is so easily fleeting.  As the world celebrates the death of man, others mourn it. Life is a gift, and one we must share with others.
Love your neighbor, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”(Luke 6:27)
