A week away does the heart good

*I apologize now for all of the typo’s, I’m tired and will edit tomorrow if I get time*

the original plan was that Dean would be home by now. I have faith that everything that happened day was meant to happen just as it did, down to every last detail. It was one of those “god is awesome days” I even got a nap in, Thanks Donna!! I have the best in laws ever!!

I think I may have even needed the evening without Dean home to “manage” all the things going through my mind today that happened. Had some cool “God” moments at moms group this morning and it really touched me. I felt used also in praying for some of the ladies, one in particular I felt called to talk to since last time but had to go because of the kids so today I was intent on talking to her and then after her prayer request today I knew I had to.

So this morning we went to Moms group, which meant Bo and Zeke had to stay in separate classes for childcare. It was a power struggle w/ Bo but in the end I think I won, no, I know I did. and I have faith I have made the right choices about how I handled it and how the staff handled it, he’s growing up and I know he’s going to try to test us a lot, and I need to be firm, and in the end that helped. We came home for lunch and some play time before going to get the big boys from school. My MIL was here when we got back so I put Zeke down for nap and then laid down myself for about 2 hours, in and out of sleep from the noise of Caleb and his 2 playmates, and Bo who tags along w/ them all of the time! After that my MIL left and we headed across the street for dinner w/ our neighbors. It was another enjoyable evening, and I’m excited to be finally feeling like I’m connected. As I was trying to finish reading to the boys before bed, my new friend(where we went for dinner) sent her hubby over to take another look under the sink, I mentioned as we were in her kitchen tonight that our dishwasher hasn’t been drying in weeks, and she said he fixed that problem w/ theirs before, and so he came over to fix ours too. the second time this week he’s fixed something here, and it’s been great. I think the neatest thing is that in the past I would have worried about having someone do something for us like that, that we’d owe them and there’s none of that w/ this couple. it’s all very easy going and I am reminding myself to journal these first few weeks because I regret not remembering how I came to be such close friends w/ my best Friend in Baltimore and I dont want that to happen again. not that I expect this to be my “next best friend” per se, but it has the makings of a great friendship for lots of reason, even w/ my reluctance to get too close. (and for those of you who know me, I didnt even vacuum or mop the floor before having them for dinner on Tuesday and it wasnt because I didnt have time, it’s because I choose to let things go and spend more time w/ my kids, yay me,. I know! 🙂 I probably shouldnt be so proud of it, but I am glad I am learning to overcome my “complusiveness” as my new friend called it tonight! )

I think having Dean away for a week has done wonders for me in so many ways. things have been hard, and I think it so funny that my prayer request this week didnt have anything to do w/ the kids or Dean or anything like that, it was an honest desire deep down in my heart, that we start having more family devotion and couple devotional time. (i didnt realize how funny it was til I got home and was thinking that I didnt even tell them how crazy things were, or how sick Zeke was, or that they were throwing up, or any of it, mostly because it was the past and it was done w/ all I said was it’s been a crazy week, some really bad days but that’s how things go, told them “I dont know what you’ve been praying but it wasnt helping! 🙂 )but anyway…we’ve never done praying w/ the kids before bed. just not something I’ve wanted to push on my kids. but I do want them to be aware of our faith and be able to choose for themselves one day. so I’ve been trying hard to be better about telling them bible stories or at least trying to be a better mom when it comes to helping them to grow to “have a heart after God” without pushing things on them.

I want them to learn from example not because we’re preachy. there’s a huge difference! believe me…

ok, sorry for the randomness. like I said I’m processing a lot this evening. It’s the last day w/out Dean home after a LONG week. I’m still sick. Thinking I may even give in and go to the dr tomorrow. one thing I learned the most from this week is that I can do this. Maybe I just needed the reminder. I know I tend to be too dependent on Dean, but I also know God planned it that way, for him to be the head of the household, and while I tried to fill those shoes this week, he is truly the missing link in our home. but I think what speaks more true all through this week without him as that the kids have learned to trust both Dean and I enough to not worry. we’ve only had one breakdown, and that was after Caleb had a long tiring day and the biggest issue was he missed his daddy and didnt know how to share those feelings w/out crying. so they know Daddy will come home. they know Daddy loves them. they know I love them. they know we are a family and they know that somedays might be rough but in the end when we’re cuddling all reading books together I can see that they are happy, and that despite some tough times during the day, in the end they are content and at peace, and most of all they are loved and they know it. So we all fared well this time away w/ Dean, better than I could have ever dreamed, and despite the difficulties and overall fatigue and sickness on my part, I’m at peace and so are the kids. we’re all in a good place and I know now that’s because Dean and I have done a good job in the past, presently and always will, take care of our kids no matter what arises and that I can only hope they can continue to end their days w/ smiles, hugs and giving each other kisses and sweet goodnights. we’re a family and I’m glad to see we’re instilling the importance of that in them, even at their young age. I can only imagine how sweet it will be to have them see their daddy, but I’m also expecting a rough few days as they adjust to having things back to normal. but I hope things dont completely go back to normal because know I know something I didnt know a week ago, that I CAN do things w/out dean, and that while I might feel horrible some mornings, God will provide me just what i need to get through the day , no matter what obstacles appear, something I think I’ve forgotten along the way, and I’m sorry it took having my hubby go away for a week to be reminded of something I’ve known all along.

I’m really not who I was….

we love you Dean and are all looking forward to you being home !! 🙂