I am so down and the dumps it’s affecting everything I do. I really needed Dean to come home yesterday I was so a mess, but he couldnt since he was off last week. I was able to get motivated enough to make sure everyone had dinner, so I made my first beef stew, well the slow cooker did all the work, but it turned out good. I was very grouchy by the time Dean got home, I had told him that when he did I was heading straight to bed but I never did. I had to finish all the homemaker things like laundry and dishes. Then Stacey wanted some chocolate chip cookies so I sent her for the ingredients and did my chores while I waited.
But during that time my dad called, the call I’d been dreading all day. He said the drs said his diabetes medicine is not working and so it has caused him a lot of problems, he still cant feel his feet and he said he has an eye dr appt on Friday because he is having trouble seeing. All of this scares me to death since I had an uncle who died from complications of his diabetes. And it all sounds so familiar. So I got off the phone and just wanted to cry but everyone was sitting in the living room so I went off to finish doing the laundry. I thought maybe if I kept myself occupied it wouldnt settle in that my dad is not doing well at all.
Then I forced myself to be civil to Dean and Stacey and I even made some cookies, although they didnt turn out like my cookies normally do, I guess I wasnt paying attention too much when I was making them, but they werent bad, just not the usual great cookies I make. So Stace was disappointed as was I at myself. I didnt get to bed until 11 and by then I was even more a mess. Dean tucked me in so he could watch tv and play on the puter, and as soon as he left I broke down in tears, I fell asleep that way. When I woke up I felt much better, but I am stil pretty depressed. There’s so much going on with my family and my health that its hard to focus on caring for the baby and Dean let alone myself. I cant wait til Saturday so Dean will be around so maybe I can get out by myself or at least get a time out.
I had to take Caleb to the dr, again. The dr said to try using a nebulizer, but since my appt was at 4:30 yesterday the place to go get the nebulizer was closed so our poor little guy had to suffer last night again. He sounds so miserable, even when he talks. So I’ll have to run out today to get it and hopefully that will help him breathe better. And Dean and I are still fighting whatever cold bug we’ve had for weeks. I think we all need a vacation. I am tempted to just take Caleb and go, but I dont where to. Plus that would mean I’d really be on baby duty all day long since I’d be alone with him. Dean doesnt have any time to take off but maybe I can plan a weekend trip somehow. I think that’ll be my motivation for today, if I dont have something to focus on I will stay in bed and poor Caleb wont like that.
