05/06/2003

Went to lunch with Dean and the Baltimore Bloggers. It was nice to actually see Dean during the day. We dont do lunch because parking is expensive and so is eating out! But today I splurged, mostly because I was getting jealous of his getting to eat out while I am stuck at home making Caleb and I lunch of either leftovers or mac n cheese! So I thought I’d join them. It indeed turned out to be quite expensive since we got seafood and dessert and had to pay $8 for me to park(I was only parked there for 1 1/2 hours). But it was nice, got us out of the house. I am not a social bug so I didnt talk much if at all, but its nice to put a face to the words.

I’ve been motivated to get our house looking better. Not quite w/ spring cleaning, more like spring painting. When we moved in we did just enough to make the house livable, but after being home lately I am getting sick of living in a badly painted house. So I’ve spent many a nap and bed times for Caleb painting or sanding to prepare for painting. We finally got Calebs room redone. I’d take a pic but we lost our battery charger for the digital camera on our Easter vacation. So until we get a new one or find the old one no digi pics. but it looks 100% better than it did. Started prepping the ceilings last night, or rather got Dean to, so we can paint them. Am looking at some new slipcovers on Ebay since they are so expensive elsewhere. I dont not like our house now, well ok, maybe, I just wish we had bought a new house instead. I love the amount of space we have and knowing Dean grew up here but I am sick of having a unfinished house. Our bathroom has needed finished for a long time now and its driving me mad. I am sure if I were a working girl we could #1 afford to have someone else do it, and # 2 I wouldnt be home to notice it as much. Dean loves this house but until we get it looking better I am not at all happy being here. Too much to do and I’ve done and am doing my best to do repairs that I can do alone w/ a toddler or during nap time, but that gets hard and tiring. So w/ any luck some big projects will get touched soon. I am definitley feeling a little better now that Caleb’s room is presentable. My biggest frustration I guess is that we want to have guests over but I just dont feel like our house is nice enough yet to show off. I love hosting, I really do. We’ve done so much hosting lately and I love the preparing the food, getting the house neat, the stressful last minutes of waiting for guests to arrive, I am suprised actually at how much I’ve enjoyed it lately. We are planning some big parties soon and I really want the house in shape by then, but I know I am expecting lots but I am doing a good job of doing my part to get things done during the day or preparing to do work in the evenings when Dean gets home. He doesnt want me to deal with the work but I know if I dont get moving on things they will never get done. So I’m being pushy but when am I not? In the last few months I’ve gotten the playroom redecorated, Caleb’s room redecorated and am in the process of a major paint problem in our 3rd bathroom by the play room as our old roomate did some test painting that didnt work out and now I have to sand a lot to get rid of it and it’s a chore and I think we may have to rent a sander to get the job done. And that annoys me, having a non functioning bathroom next to the room where I want us to spend most of our time during the day. OH well. Just another thing.

Thinking about removing comments from my page. I know everyone has a right to write but I get so easily hurt by what others think/say.

My grandad had surgery yesterday, his corrated artery was 90% blocked and they have to correct it. A friend from church’s dad was diagnosed w/ cancer less than a month ago and passed away this weekend. Last night we got a call that Dean’s dad is in the hospital w/ chest pains and that they are keeping him for observation. I dont know if Dean isnt worried or is doing his usual ignoring things so he doesnt have to think about them routine. Me I was unable to sleep cause I kept wondering what’s next. We’ve had a pretty calm month or so around here and anyone who knows us knows that thats not common. It’s usually chaos central. I am grateful that we are going through a time of blessing but it usually always come w/ a cost. I thought that last week when we heard about my granddads being ill that that was it, that we’d be dealing with funeral arrangements soon, and I’m not the only one who thought it. It’s the calm before the storm and I’m enjoying it as long as we can. I thank God my granddad is doing better, at the same time, being still and knowing that while we rejoice a friend is mourning the sudden and unexpected illness and death of a loved one. Some friends are heading to their house tomorrow to help set up food for a gathering after the funeral. I am no good at funerals, and I dont think we’ll go, but will gladly do what we can to help out. Even if all that means is helping cook or set up food or clean house. I dont know what I’d do if I lost my dad, and I always have that fear that one day we’ll get the call that the man we never really knew other than as knowing he was dad is gone. All I can do is pray for strength to find the words to comfort our friends knowing I can never understand the depth of their pain.