05/02/03

Attack of the killer headache!!!
I think i wrote this the other day, but I stopped taking my blood pressure on Sunday, well rather Sunday was the last time I took it. I ran out of refills and want to see the dr before getting more so I can maybe switch it to something that would safer for if and when I get pregnant again. The last few days I’ve felt ok, but have been having some bad headaches. Since I had my eye surgery I havent really had headaches and they are horrible. Today has been the worst. The visual impairment is not good either.

I did a lot of work outside today and I think it must have raised my blood pressure more and I thought I was going to pass out. So I did my best to get things finished up and to feed Caleb lunch. Then I convinced him to nap with me. I awoke about 30 minutes later w/ no headache, which may have been due to my resting or the fact I took tylenol before we laid down. I thought I could get up and finish some chores while he napped, but as soon as I started moving around I was greeted w/ a huge wave of pain and my headache is back in full force. I called the drs office before we laid down to tell them what was going on, since I keep reading that it’s not good to stop taking blood pressure pills cold turkey. They havent called back yet. Until then I think I’ll try to nap, although its hard knowing I have stuff to get done….ahhh the phone is ringing and yes, it’s the dr’s office…….wohooo! Great, they are calling me in pills but I still dont really want to take them, I want to switch them but she said I cant go w/out taking them as long as I have to and it was just the nurse so I need to see the dr to switch to a whole different medicine. So oh well, guess I’ll have to deal with it, but I’d rather deal w/ my feelings over not wanting to take it then deal with these monster headaches.

We are talking about baby two, and it’s hard to imagine that my body will be able to handle another baby if I cant stop my bp medicine and my psuedo tumor medicine. I know that God will provide for us and keep our future baby healthy but all of the stuff I’ve read on taking bp medicine says that it shoudl only be taken during pregnancy if there is a greater risk of harm to the mother than the baby if it’s not taken. And at this point I think the bp medicine must be essential for me cause I’ve not been taking it and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. This is hard for me, to think we might not be able to naturally have another child. I really dont want to wait til Thursday to see my dr about it, but I know we have to right now due to insurance problems and our schedules. It’s hard reading other peoples blog about being pregnant now when I really want to be, but know physically it’s not a good idea. I am hoping the dr can ease my worries next week. I am a worrier by nature and with any luck things will be fine. I just worry that these last few late periods w/ pregnancy symptoms were really aborted pregnancies due to the medicine I am taking. I know that the medicine I am on is very harmful to fetuses in early pregnancy, which makes it crazy that we are even thinking of trying while I am still taking it. Since by the time we coudl find out if I am pregnant my body could be in the process of aborting the baby due to the effects of the medicine. It’s scary and I know I could just be making things worse by worrying, but it’s hard knowing I cant be in control of this. I probably wont be around for a few more days, it’s going to be a busy weekend and I’ve got lots to deal with right now w/ my health. Theres not much energy left over after a long day of caring for home and Caleb.