Weary but not defeated

This weekend we saw that our favorite speaker was teaching at VCC. Due to the need to frequently serve, it’s common that we don’t get to engage in worship or listen to the message at BACC very often. I was feeling like I needed fed and what better way to get fed than to return “home”. As he ended his message in prayer, Joe read a scripture.

He read Isaiah 40:29-31:

I’m weary.  I’m tired.  Granted I’m feeling a lot better than I have in the past, but this last week I’ve become aware of the signs that I was heading into a downward spiral.  A few years ago, as we were getting Bo treated and diagnosed with aspergers I sought help for myself. I saw many of my symptoms manifest in Bo’s behavior.  For years I’ve battled depression and anxiety and I have done so without the help of medication.  I rely on my faith, God and my supportive husband to help me through when things get overwhelming.  Around the time Bo was diagnosed with aspergers I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.  It was not news to me that something was wrong, but the meds that were offered only made me worse.  So I’ve gone for years without treatment.  It’s a silent battle and this last week it’s been hard to hide.  I’ve cleared my schedule this week and retreated to the safety of my home to cope.

On Monday I’ll go see a new doctor in hopes of finding out if the diagnosis was correct and if so learn how to treat it.  I’m hopeful and excited about this amazing opportunity.  I don’t doubt the fact I’m seeing this doctor was divinely planned. The story how it happened is truly amazing, I cried when my doctor called to tell me about the chance to see this doctor.  The timing seems divinely appointed as well.

This is part of my journey. I could hide it, but as I’ve bared all through this fitness journey it’s only fair that you see the whole journey and not just a part. I wanted to share the rest of my story.  As I work to get physically fit, I know I need to be emotionally and mentally fit as well. It’s something I’m working on, on a daily basis.  This weekend as I heard Joe read the promises in Isaiah, I clung to them.  I have seen in the last few months that God has given me the ability to run and not grow weary, to walk and not faint.  I know he’s given me strength when I’m weak. This week its been hard when I don’t feel strong to keep pushing myself, but it’s in my weakness that He is glorified.  I know that today’s obstacles will make an amazing story tomorrow, or next week, when I look back and see how far I’ve come.  Sometimes it’s hard to remember those promises and to persevere when your mind is telling you lies.

Today I’m clinging to the promises of God.  I know this battle is one that He can conquer.  My favorite song right now is Overcomer by Mandisa.  I might not feel like an overcomer today, but with His help I will be.

What are you struggling to overcome today? Whatever it is, know that you don’t have to do it alone.  God’s word is full of promises that not only are encouraging, but are true!

If you are feeling tired, weary, and defeated, who can you turn to to help encourage and support you through your journey?  Have you ever told anyone your whole story, without leaving out your weaknesses or failures?  If not, I encourage you to reach out and allow your vulnerability to open the door for genuine community with others.   We were designed to live in community with others.  It’s hard to feel defeated when you have a team of cheerleaders encouraging you every step of the way. Today I’m grateful for all of you who are on this journey with me and keep cheering me on.