Everyday I fall more and more in love with my son. I have so enjoyed being able to be home with him. Today we spent awhile in the pool playing, he tends to love playing w/ the hose more though, I think he would benefit from a sprinkler toy more but I enjoy the pool. The last 2 weeks have been hard for me, Caleb is teething and has developed a horrible temper if he doesnt get his way. But even after a long day or morning of dealing with his whining, he always cuddles up on my lap and falls asleep. Lately he’s been walking over to the couch and crawling up my legs into my lap all by himself. It’s so cute, its much easier that way to know if he wants to be held. He’s getting much more vocal and it’s getting easier to tell what he wants. He’s even started pulling on his diaper when its wet.
July 12th is Dean’s last day of work. Last night we were discussing options. Dean seems to think him staying home with the baby and my going to work sounds good since he can collect unemployment since he’s getting laid off. I think Dean is a great dad, but I dont know if I could handle being away from Caleb all day. Even with the rough days I’ve had, there are always naps and always Caleb smiles and hugs that make it all worth it. He even says Ma Ma more now! I think it would be great for Caleb to have his daddy home, but I just wish we could both be with him. We are not sure what will happen after July 12th.
Last night I came to the realization that ever since we moved here life has been very hard for us. Its been one thing after another. We had no place to live, then we did. We have no working or legally licensed car in MD. We still have no car that is ours that works and soon we may not even have the car we are using. Now Dean is losing his job, the whole reason we came back to MD to begin with. We know that we came here for a reason and that God wouldnt have given us this house without providng the mortgage money to pay for it. But right now all we can do is be patient and pray. I am so bad about worrying, but I’ve come to the point that we are down to the last straw. we are having everything taken from us, yet we still have each other and a beautiful son. There is only so much we can do to get employment and there are a lot less opptys here than there were in Ohio. Anymore when something bad happens to us I just laugh it off. Its kind of like, it cant get much worse and well if it does HA! Another day another trial. Another trial another victory, even if it’s just our growing as a couple and/or family. We can take it and we will survive. We dont know how or when we will find the answers we need, but everyday we get closer to something, even if it just feels like we are getting closer to poverty! I keep reminding myself that people get by on a lot less money than we have right now and soon we will learn how to. I told Dean that lots of people have rough first years of marriage, we were blessed and had a great first year together. These have been the biggest struggles for us as a couple and now as a family yet we are enjoying our time together and finding ways to do things that dont cost money. Its amazing how much can change in such short time. I told Dean the only thing left to happen is for me to find out I am pregnant, that would be the biggest joke, no house no car , a kid and one on the way. Not that there’s any reason for us to be pregnant again other than the dr just switching my type of BC this month, but it would just be our luck. In the midst of it all, there is always some good. Right now the good for me is being a good mother and wife to my wonderful husband and son. Theres food in the cabinets and fridge, for now. Theres a roof over our head, for now. And theres a lot of love and support to get us through whatever else comes our way.
by the way, I’m just trying to make myself feel better really by writing, dont mean to make anyone feel sorry for us, like I said, we are doing good considering the stress in our life. The good thing about stress is that in the end you always learn or grow from the experience. We didnt go to college much but right now we are learning more from real life than we could in any classroom. Budgeting 101, Employment 101, LIFE SUCKS 101, 201, and 301….Last night Dean said he wishes he was 16 again, I told him that wasnt a good wish. I will so never want to be 16 again, but 19 was good for me, and 18 too. but i’d rather be in this place now even if its hard because I know the future will be so much better no matter what happens. About now things should start looking up again, or so I am praying………….
I think your outlook is very positive. You know that you and Dean and Caleb can ge through things because you are together and that is the most important thing. Being able to see the victories mounting along with the struggles is very powerful.
I wish you both the very best. Dean is right about the unemployment though. With you working and that coming in, you may end up with less stress in the end rather than more. You can get a better car, Dean can bond with his son and you can accomplish something for yourself. The only advice I can give you is make sure you tax the unemployment up front. It sure does cost if you don’t. We found out the hard way at tax time 🙁