After years of waiting for the time to come and now months of uncertainty if now was the time or not, I have given it all up to God. In the past when I’ve made such grand plans on my own, I’d end up pregnant, but there’s no risk of that this time, although it is with some sadness that I know I am truly done w/ my baby days. Last week I applied online to CCU. I just painlessly completed m y FAFSA online as well. Next I’m going to write an essay in hopes of winning 54 free credit hours for a contest from STAR 93.3. Zeke is enrolled in pre-K from 8-11 in the fall so I can attend evening class, do homework in the mornings, rest if I want and see what comes next. School means more debt but I know that in the long run this is what’s next for me. I eventually hope to pursue more technical training but I’m still really better at this admin. stuff I was trained for in high school, and I love organizing events so I think for now this is the road I’m taking. I’m also thrilled at just the idea of being in a classroom again, I am a student by nature so I know lots will think I am nuts but I can’t wait to get back to learning!! I’m currently serving Wed mornings at the healing center and Fridays in small groups. With Zeke’s schedule I might be able to get up and out and even serve a few more mornings if I drop them off at 8 and head straight to church. But we’ll see how things go! I’m hopeful but also scared.

Next week rehearsals start for Joseph and the Amazing technicolor Dreamcoat. I stood up a few weeks ago and took a chance on myself and the gift of singing God gave me and I survived the audition and was cast. Now I get to do something fun and creative, with my son even!

I may be getting older each year but I also know that with each year comes more freedom, more freedom to be me. I’m not the child I used to be, who sadly learned that there were a lot of negative judgmental folks in my community and stopped caring about my own happiness but rather about how others felt/thought. I am glad that I can show my kids how loving and caring and kind people can be, and better yet that I get a chance to be able to re-learn what it’s like to do something well and be applauded for it instead of laughed at and mocked just because someone else was mean.

So many changes in our lives these last few years, and more to come. There may not be any more babies in our future, but I am enjoying these milestones we get to celebrate as a family. Boaz’s learning to write and read. Zeke finally being interested in writing and wanting to learn how to read. Caleb’s voice is growing more confident and powerful w/ every practice and every show he performs. He starts working on his next show on Monday w/ Tri-County players then next Sunday we both start Joseph rehearsals. He’s learning so much about acting, and some technical things as well. I’m preparing to not just be a “stage mom” but to be on stage. I will no longer just be taking my kids to school but will take myself too! No more always helping Faisal with his homework, I’ll have some of my own! Dean’s well on his way as well to big things. He had his film debut at the movie screening last week, was also in some shooting for another friend’s movie, and was part of a great improv performance last week as well with more to come this month!

We’re all changing and growing. The moral of the story: I guess you can teach old dogs new tricks! 🙂