please pray for us….things are looking a little better now than they were a few hours ago.   sadly I know some folks are praying we dont move, which is wrong in my opinion…we are moving and we have faith that God will provide even in the midst of struggles.   knowing at the end of this we’ll have our family together, a job dean enjoys, and this house is good but it’s so hard while we wait for things to work out.  the important lesson we keep having to learn is that our timetable is not the same as God’s.  everything is happening for a reason and we’ll get by/through it all.   I’m very thankful that our basement is barely wet despite horrible rains that have left the yards around us looking like rivers are flowing through them.    it’s nasty outside today, raining and windy but there’s a warm breeze blowing through our home, a refreshing breeze.  earlier today I laughed to myself at the weather, I was thinking it was mimicking how I felt, that the clouds were crying w/ me..but I couldnt cry today.   it’s odd how that has happened lately.  sometimes I let things so overwhelm that I just cant get through without crying all day.  today it took a lot to bring me to tears, mostly seeing my husband struggling so much with all of this.  I do have faith. it’s very hard.  and anymore when it’s just one thing after another I’ve learned that that usually means big things are in store for us, things we couldnt even dream of as we endure the struggles to get us to that point.   it’s amazing to know that even when the day seems to be going horribly that there is hope.  to know that this is just another thing, it’s always something I say.  always something…sometimes lots of things at one time, sometimes big challenges by themselves.  it’s one of those months around here again.  we go through this alot, these seasons of struggles.   I spoke w/ my grandmother today and it was so great to hear her comforting words.   I dont often speak w/ my grandparents but knowing they’d raised more kids than us and had done so in times when things were a lot harder to begin with, I knew we’d be ok.  I knew she was right.  I’m grateful for my family, I really am.  I am really glad that we are together today as a family, that we didnt have to deal w/ these things alone.    I guess God knew I couldnt take much more bad news by myself so maybe if Dean’s gone for a few weeks at least nothing worse will happen!  wishful thinking!  :-)  um..maybe I should make him go away before I talk to my dr tomorrow!  no..it’s probably best that we deal with whatever they do or dont know about my diagnosis together.   trying not to stress over that, and I’m really trying but sometimes I just wish I was healthy and didnt have another thing hanging over me.   oh well..this was meant to be a more promising entry..but there I go getting all gloom and doom again…so off to refresh my spirit with little boy hugs and kisses…these kids keep me going that’s for sure.   they have no clue what we’re going through to insure a happy healthy bright future for them….and I hope they never have to…I just hope they can see how hard we are trying to be good parents…