family first

Apparently my dad was being discharged today from the hospital, he went in on Wed. or Thurs. after having a heart attack and had heart surgery for a blocked artery and stents put in.   I just found out today.   I was already an emotional mess lately so this didnt help matters much. I had a good talk with my dad though, I called him at the hospital after finding out.  Asked him to try to keep us up to date and made sure he knew I was concerned.   I dont know how much good it will do but I tried.

yesterday my mom had surgery to remove her gall bladder. she’d been complaining of severe  pain for a few months and her dr kept telling her it was acid reflux.  luckily she didnt believe him and started a diet that actually gave her some relief after which the doctor believed she might have gall bladder problems since the diet changes seemed to help her some. so they did an u/s and found out she needed to have her gall bladder removed.   the surgeon said he was suprised she was able to walk around since as inflamed as the gall bladder was she would have been in severe pain. it took them longer to do the surgery and they had to do an extra incision since it was so hard to remove.    I feel bad for thinking she was just worrying about nothing and that it was just something simple wrong with her, but since the dr was wrong too at first I guess it’s not completely horrible of me to think that, since i just assumed the dr was right the first time.   At least now once she’s recovered she’ll be feeling better!

so lots going on, lots to leave me realizing I’m getting old as are my parents.   Our time is short folks and we need to spend our time taking advantage of all and any oppurtunities to let our loved ones know that they are truly loved even if they dont seem to care!  I can only hope one day my efforts will be made worth it, I will admit that I did feel good about talking to dad today, but it still doesnt take away the pain of all the years past and I know although he said he will call in a few days to let me know how he’s doing I know I wont expect the phone to ring, because then I’d be expecting something and the less expect the less dissappointed I’ll be.   I hate having to fear opening up about my feelings with my family but today I had to let go of some things and had some much needed conversations with folks, theres still a few people I want and feel led to talk to about things but overall I’m glad I’m doing my best to keep communication open.  I realized lately how much I am like my grandmom, and I like that, I like being able to talk to her now that I’m an adult.   I like being responsible for the depth of relationships I have with my family. I realize I am a big slacker in that regard and it’s because I’m so afraid of getting hurt.  I’m not naive and I know I cant replace missed years, but every phone call and visit with those I missed out on for so many years reminds me how much I need my family.    How much they mean to me and how I can change how involved my kids are in their lives as well as they are in ours.

Dean and Caleb are at the Orioles game tonight , we signed caleb up for the dug out club.  While talking to my grandmom after they left I found out my aunt, uncle and cousin are there too so I am hoping they run into each other, Dean left the cell phone or I’d call him to let him know.   I’m hoping that in the future we can plan to meet them there, Caleb would love that and it would give us a chance to see them more often!

what a day I tell ya!  I’m hoping tomorrow starts off better than today did!   I’m hoping for a lot of things today actually, my heart is full of so much and I’m suprised this wasnt more depressing of an entry, but like I said I’m hoping, that’s a big thing I’ve got going for me today, hope and faith, without it I’d be in a much worse place, a place I know some others are dwelling and I wish I could help them, but all I can do is hope and pray for everyone and know that our God is bigger than all of this mess we’ve created for ourselves.