I am ready to give up nursing.  Not because it’s not working or that it’s too hard per se, but because I feel horrible.  My stomach hurts, when active or even when just sitting or laying down.  My head hurts despite the new headache medicine.   I’m constantly tired as well, so waking sometimes many times a night isnt helping.  even on nights when the baby doesnt wake me up often I still wake up exhausted and stay that way all day, darn anemia and illness and a newborn will do that to you I suppose.

On top of the physical problems I’m having, Bo has taken to demanding to sit on my lap while I nurse the baby.   Sometimes it’s not so bad, other times, like when my stomach is really hurting it makes me want to cry.   I’m considering calling my doctor tomorrow to talk about other medical options since I feel so bad but I dont know that we can afford for me to stop nursing since that would mean we’d need to buy formula.  We’ve been blessed enough to not have to buy Zeke diapers yet, we’ve got probably a few more weeks worth of his size diapers so that’s been nice.  it’s been a month and we just opened the last new pack of baby wipes that we had stocked up on.   so financially we’ve done well this first month, but mostly because of how others have blessed us.   but……constant doctors bills and prescriptions, we’re not doing so well.    you dont even want to know how much we racked up in medical costs in the last month, it’s crazy.   Now I’m on meds that I’ll have to take all of the time so that’s not helpful.  on top of that seeing more specialists and more than likely needing more meds once I stop nursing…. well it all adds up. so do I stick w/ feeling bad and nursing, which means less meds and no formula, both which means less money out of our pocket each month, or stop nursing and add in the costs of both more meds and formula.   seems like an easy choice, but I’m feeling so bad that I’d shell out the money even if it means getting rid of my beloved tivo and cell phone just to make ends meet.   did I mention for those non local folks, the freakin 72% increase in our Gas and electric costs starting in July.  that’s really scary, so chances are no cell phone, cable or tivo after that anyway….I just want to feel well and have enough money to get by without stressing every time I need to buy groceries or diapers.   If I didnt feel so bad and wasnt nursing I’d be looking for a job!   Life can be so fun, and Dean wonders why I am depressed.   4 weeks after having a baby, feeling incredibly worse every day, and not knowing whats wrong or how we’re going to make ends meet….bah!