I thought now that I am not pregnant that I wouldn’t be so emotional, but I guess it is that postpartum depression stuff. It’s not bad, but with having to deal with a big move and still being so physically exhausted it is all taking it’s toll on me. I have had no appetite since I left the hospital and am barely forcing myself to eat lunch and dinner, last night I made myself eat then I got the worst upset stomach, I am sure it is all my own doing. Dean tried to make me eat something, even brought food from his mothers for me, all ready just needed heated but I took a few bites and it just tasted awfult. That’s been my experience, nothing tastes good anymore, except those brownies I made last night! Aside from being teary at every little thing and not wanting to eat I wouldnt be concerned about myself, but I know since Caleb is getting my breastmilk I better start eating better soon, at least I can comfort myself knowing at least I am still on prenatal vitamins, that should help him out some.
So we are supposed to be meeting with our small group from church tonight and they had wanted to come to our house but I said no. There is no way I am about to take care of Caleb all day on my own and have the house clean for company and then be up to being awake when they arrive. So they decided to meet at someone else’s house, but today our leader called and said how important it was that we go, since it will be the last one we can attend before the move. He said it would help everyone have closure. I tried to stay cordial but after I got off the phone I was in tears. I felt so bad for even thinking about not going tonight, but then I reminded myself it’s only been two weeks and I really have done way too much already. I guess they just dont realize how soon it is and that I really should be resting more, but I guess because I have been so up and around that they thought I’d be okay to go tonight. But by the time it rolls around for Dean to be home I am ready for bed! And I dont see why today would be any different. Oh well, like I said everything makes me upset and I was a mess after he called and gave me the guilt trip he did.
My brother just called to see how we were doing and we were talking about the move and I said something about not telling anyone we were coming back because we werent sure of our plans yet and he said everyone already knows because my aunt read our webpage then told everyone. I guess I just didnt realize who all read our pages! So hello everyone!!! I was telling Dean that I mostly write for myself and him. I dont think about who else reads it, I do it just to get things out of my head and out there. It helps me deal with things if I write about it, it helps me think things through. Like the move, and all of my baby thoughts, I feel like if I keep it all bottled up and never get it out I’ll truly be a mess, so hence why I blog. So sorry for not calling and telling everyone first before I blogged but it’s easier to write then have to answer questions that I dont know the answers to yet like the when and how of the move.
