I admit the last year has brought Dean and I to doubt what we’ve believed. it’s not until you face the death of someone you love or even the possibility of losing someone you love, that you really think about Heaven and Hell. I know Diaz is in heaven, without a doubt. My grandfather passed months ago as well, but I am not certain where he is. I know how he lived his life, but I also know his faith was different than mine. Were his choices in life enough to get him to heaven? Did going to mass and believing in the Catholic theologies hurt or help his eternal condition? I have no way to know, but I know our God is merciful and he sees our hearts.
But today as we got news that a family friend has passed on after losing his battle with his drug addiction, I’m more lost than ever. Diaz did his best when here to help people like this to learn about Jesus and we know he knew the truth and the way before he passed. But the not knowing of those final moments, where his heart really was, can break our heart. If we truly believe in the reality that those who don’t choose Christ or who blatantly reject God and his ways will not be in Heaven, we must face the reality that our God is loving but also the ultimate Judge and punishes those who don’t accept his mercy.
Struggling with these thoughts and knowing we failed as well, by not doing more to help those who needed to be reminded of the way and the truth. Ultimately I know these are the consequences of free will, but it is still heart breaking. Heart breaking to know, if Diaz were here, things might have been different. Breaks my heart to know, in the end, the devil does win sometimes. No matter what we do, sometimes we lose.
In the last year, I feel like we’ve had so many reminders of how temporary this life is. So many reminders that there’s more to this life than just opening up our home, but we need to go out and seek others. We need to truly be the hands and feet. We can’t just sit by and let others come to us anymore, the invitations and open doors aren’t enough. We have to do more. How can we let the ones we love risk their eternal salvation because we were lazy or too busy?? How do we live this out when we’ve got jobs, kids, and school? What does God expect of us? I hate feeling like I’m not doing enough. I see the pain around me and all I can do is sit here and pray. I know our God is big, He hears me and He’s proven He answers prayers. But sitting here with a broken heart, knowing how many around me are hurting with darkened hearts and doubting minds questioning the relevance of blind faith when we need to see the changes in others and in our communities. What else can we do? God guide us and lead us to those who need your light. let us no longer be content with the trivial things, we know there’s so much at stake and it’s more than house payments, soccer practice and homework.
I know I’m not the only one around me questioning my faith. As we seek out these answers and in the end decide where we stand, how do we know we are doing the right thing? Especially when our faith may differ from others?
Forgive me, but after reading this blog, I am really confused about how this is a new problem? As the culture changes around us we must try to break free of the effects of it on our faith, is this not just another way that we are being relevant to where and who were in this generation of believers? I firmly believe that while our beliefs may be the same as prior generations, how we live it out can’t be the exact same because it’s not the same time/lifestyles we are dealing with new issues that those before us never had to deal. After reading it I guess I’d be more on the progressive side of things, but I wonder how this differs so much from the Emergent thought pattern? And I don’t think it’s going to “split” anything more than things already are.
There’s been a movement for a long time to question and seek out our faith, but I’m sure prior generations did this too to get to where they are today? What did that look like? Didn’t it cause rifts in belief? Thus the birth of things like the Vineyard, and other non-denominational churches? We are all unique and our needs are all different. We can’t all fit into the same mold. Realizing these differences are important but we also need to be tolerant of the fact that I might live out my journey the same way you do, but ultimately we serve the same God and are saved by the same act of mercy and grace.
I don’t know where I stand today. I know I pray several times a day and without His help I wouldn’t be where I am today. I know He provides time and time again, and that even in the pain He gives me comfort and times of joy. But is that enough? I serve others, I try to live selflessly, but it’s hard. Are my attempts enough? I have faith I’ll spend my eternity in Heaven, but thinking about where you will end up screws with my head. Free will is blessing and a curse. Truly isn’t it enough to believe and give it all to Him to handle the rest? One day we’ll know, but sometimes living this daily struggle seems so pointless, knowing there’s so much more…………..
