The weather has been great these last few days. I figured I’d take advantage of it and instead of driving to get Caleb from school, which means picking Bo up to get him in the van and out of the van and carrying him to the school since theres no close parking, that I’d walk instead. I mean the dr said to restrict lifting and take things easy, I didnt think a little walk would hurt, I mean I figured it was better than lifting Bo lots.  So yesterday it wasnt so bad. I noticed some cramping during and after the walk but later after resting some I was fine.   So today I thought I’d do the same, I mean exercise is supposed to be good for lowering blood pressure so I figured it would be good if I tried to get out some.  but todays been stressful because I’ve had to lift Bo a ton more than usual, he’s been fussy all day and if not fussy then getting into and/or climbing on/into things that requires me to pick him up to keep him safe.   So to begin with I was having some pain but it’s a much bigger hassle to drive and find a parking spot that will still be a block away from the school than to just walk and push Bo in the stroller so that made more sense.  halfway there I had to breathe through some pain but got there and let Caleb play a little so I could rest before the walk home.  Since being home I put Bo down for nap and have sat with my feet up most of the time in the recliner while working on some worksheets with Caleb. but I’m still contracting and my back is aching.
I have a big problem, I dont know how to let go, of the housework, or the need to be in control of my home. Becuase of this I’m still keeping up with laundry, I did 4 loads yesterday but was smart enough to have Dean bring it up to be put away when he got home. but that still requires a lot of up and down the stairs just to get it in and out of the washer/dryer(I do have Dean carry down the dirty laundry too) Plus a few times I had to take Bo down with me which meant carrying him down w/ me but luckily he’s learned to climb up the stairs so that’s helpful.  I’m also a little OCD about having the house clean so before I can go to bed certain things need done, one being the kitchen and living room need to be clean, very clean.   Some folks have offered to help w/ the housework but I just cant seem to let things go that long. If I werent home all day I probably would be ok with it, but I just cant sit around in a dirty house esp. when most of the time I feel like I can do things.  but it’s times like now that I wish I wasnt so stupid and so controlling.  I know some people probably think it’s silly that I dont want someone else to clean, but I barely let Dean do it because I end up having to go behind him and finish up since he doesnt have the same requirement of “clean” that I do.   It’s my own fault I’m sure and I know I really need to chill out but it’s so hard. Like I said, being home all day doesnt help. I am here and have the time to do these things so I do.   I admit my faults but I dont know what to do about fixing it.  I am resting for the most part of my day but when I’m not I’m going at 150% because I feel guilty for the rest of the day when I “take it easy” as the dr ordered. I have issues ok, I am admiting it, and publicly at that.  I’m the one paying the price for my own craziness, I feel horrible but if I dont then I feel guilty and horrible about not “doing my job” as homemaker, wife and mom.  it’s a no win situation and I dont know how to overcome it. You’d think after so many illnesses and times of needing bedrest that I’d be better at this accepting and giving in to defeat but I cant. it’s too soon, I’ve got so much time left when I know I truly wont be able to keep up at this pace.
A friend brought us dinner last night, it was the best pot pie I’ve ever had!!  Considering I’ve never made a pot pie and usually just buy store bought ones, I’m now curious how they made it..so get me the recipe Elisabeth will ya!!  it was soooo good! It was so nice having a meal already made.  I enjoy cooking/baking but after a long day it’s great to not have to worry about anything.   So while I wont give in to help with cleaning, anyone can feel free to drop off ready made meals cause we sure wont turn down good food! ;-) not that I’m asking for any help but if one were so inclined to help…..tonight’s menu is a la McDonalds…99 cent happy meal night…gotta love that.  Dean and I get happy meals too since it’s cheaper that way!  too bad our mcdonalds doesnt give toys in the 99 cent happy meals, apparently other locations still do.  that would be a truly good deal.
