Dean posted these pics of me from my senior year of high school. I find it hard everytime I look at old pics from high school. I used to believe I was overweight, a size 8 sometimes a 10, mostly due to my chest size not my stomach size. Looking at these pics I’d die to be that skinny again. I wouldnt know how to get back to that point other than starvation and excessive working out, and I dont have the energy for that. I feel horrible about my size and weight right now. I have for a while. Yet I still continue to eat like I do and dont have the energy to work out much and I know I’d need a gym membership to get me what I really need, but we dont have the money for it. So I guess I’ll have to look for a good work out video until we can afford a gym membership and cut out my carbs again soon. I hate to do it but I know it’s effective, or rather that cutting carbs works best for me.
Luckily my hubby is very supportive and tells me he loves how I look, granted I find it hard to believe that since it was my senior year of high school when he truly fell in love w/ me, and I know I was a different person then. I guess that’s what marriage and unconditional love it about, but I still struggle with it. I guess if I know I am unhappy about my weight than surely he is too. But he disagrees. Being stuck indoors w/ nothing to do but veg out in front of the tv w/ snacks isnt helping much, but I guess It’s my own fault for not getting off my ass and doing something. Maybe I’ll start running up and down the stairs while Caleb naps, that would be exercise right? Blah. I hate exercise. Not really, I just dont know how I’ll find time for it w/ Caleb let alone do it on my own. Any ideas would be much appreciated.
In other news, also spurring my ideas I need to watch my weight….. I’ve been off diamox since Friday and I am able to enjoy soda and foods again. Taste buds arent back 100% but I notice I am eating more. Which is bad. The worst part of being off the medicine so far is that the headaches and spots in my eyes are getting worse. I dont want to call the dr becuase then we’ll be back on the meds or at least putting off trying to get pregnant longer to see if it’s just adjusting to being off the meds. But I know it’s not good to jeopardize my vision either. I’ll wait a day or two more to see how I am feeling.
Well more snow is coming down, again. Gotta love winter, well not really, I do actually hate it. if it were a person, winter that is, I’d say they were unpredictable, chilling, suspenseful yet having a calming nature…well I was going somewhere w/ that, but my headache took away my current thought….i’ll try to be more inspired later….
