Wisdom from my walk

we saw a commercial tonight about Fibromyalgia.   my favorite part was when they said” sometimes I want a hug, but I know it’s going to hurt”  so so true,  sad but true.

My dr finally called me back today.   I was scheduled to see her next Monday but the pain is getting too bad so I called her on Friday and just got her call back today.   So…turns out my uric acid level is still elevated.  but she’s still not convinced the pain is from gout.  So on wednesday I’ll go and she’ll take a look at my foot and I guess then we’ll see what she thinks.  So my bloodwork shows I have high uric acid but she doesnt think I necessarily have gout.   I dont really care, I just want the pain to go away.  just because my symptoms aren’t textbook I dont think it’s fair she doesnt believe it’s still not gout.   the truth is, it very well could be gout but since it’s very very rare in a women before menopause who’s to say that it will be anywhere near normal since it’s so rare for my age anyway.

anyway…the irony was she called me on my cell, the dr that is, and she asked if I could make it to her office w/ in the hour and I couldnt seeing as I was at the zoo and had my friend and her kids with me.  she was suprised I could walk around the zoo since w/ gout the pain makes it hard to even walk let alone not move the affected area.  I told her I have three kids I have learned to deal w/ the pain.   sure it hurts like heck to walk most times, but it’s either sit at home and be in pain w/ miserable bored kids or be out and about getting much needed exercise and fresh air.   the truth is I do wake up at night in extreme pain that keeps me awake.   the truth is just because I live with it doesnt mean the pain doesnt exist and isnt excrutiating, the truth is it hurts but it’s my life and sadly I’m used to dealing w/ daily pain.  but the point is I called her because it’s getting too hard to keep ignoring.  so we’ll see what she says on Wednesday.  I’m not looking forward to it, but I cant wait to see what her plan is now that my bloodwork confirmed that I have a uric acid problem.   even if it’s not gout, it’s something abnormal that I need meds for, meds by the way she wants me to keep only taking half the amt of, no wonder I”m in pain right?  sometimes I wish I was a dr and knew more than I do…thus my plan once the kids are all i in school to go to nursing school, dont think I can handle med school but I’m sure I could be a nurse, and I think after dealing w/ all I have I’d be a darn good one, if anything a compassionate one!!

What a nice weekend!!  Yesterday we had lunch w/ Dean’s parents and niece and afterward they took Bo and Caleb with them for an afternoon at the county fair.   So we headed home to give Zeke a nap and get some chores done and rest ourselves before friends came over for a small game night.   Later on Dean’s brother and his wife came over to join in on a game and the kids came home to go to bed.  so we got a really nice break from the kids yesterday, which was awesome, and unexpected so that made it even better!

Today we went to church then came home and Bo and Zeke napped so I took Caleb and Laura (our niece) to the store to get some things we need for an outreach they’ll be working on this week w/ our church.  Last month Mel came and attended the teen camp at our church called SOS, summer of service.   this week the K-5th graders are going to have something similar.  In the evenings they and their parents will attend in the evening for worship and service projects. we signed up our niece and nephew since they”ll be w/ us then so we’ll have all of our kids and the two of them so it’s going to be fun.  Caleb’s looking forward to giving out water again!

At around 5 this evening Dean talked to his parents who told us that there was a Todd Agnew concert, for free, about 30 minutes away, it started at 6 so we got there a few minutes late but to me it was worth it.  The kids were grouchy, all but Zeke of course, he loves music.  The concert was outside and it was a beautiful evening.  So I sat there enjoying the cool breeze, the warm sun on my skin and awesome music.  I LOVE the sound of Todd Agnew’s music and his voice.  despite the kids crankiness I came home more relaxed then ever.  we had a late dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup and just sat together enjoying it.  I started talking to the boys about our trip to the zoo tomorrow w/ the moms group from church.  I asked Bo what kind of animals we might see and his first answer was monkey.  He said it as clear as ever.   His next answer was elephant, not very clear but I know how he says elephant so I understood.  He continued w/ some great ideas for his age and speech ability.

Zeke is also getting vocal.  His newest word that amazes me is shoes.  he will play w/ anyone’s shoes if he finds them laying around and repeatedly say “shoes”  he also say dog, woof, Ginger (our dog’s name) Bo and of course Momma and Dadda.  I think he has a few other words, he’s into that phase of imitation.  So earlier Bo yelled hey at a neighbor and Zeke echoed clearly back ‘HEY”

Caleb on the other hand is not so vocal, unless of course he’s arguing with us.   but he’s really into reading things, everything.  every sign on the road, in the car, on papers he finds.  Just about anything.

So tonight I’m in a good place.  I’ve been able to enjoy my boys and think back on the weekend and know despite some issues we’re having, we’re in a good place overall.   the boys are growing in so many ways, good and bad!  Zeke’s got a strong independent personality like his brothers, he seems to be more aggressive and loud then the other two were at this age.  Caleb’s dealing w/ a lot of things, his biggest thing is that he is having a hard time accepting he cant do and get everything he wants.   I guess we did spoil him and now he hates us telling him no even to little things like snacks that he wants 5 minutes before dinner time.   not that he used to get snacks all of the time, he’s just having a hard adjustment lately now that our finances are thinning back out and his brother are getting more attention the more vocal they get as well.    Bo is doing amazing.  I cant really think of anything negative except we cant get him potty trained!  he’s just not interested right now.  other than that he’s doing amazingly well and better than ever.  his speech grows daily as does his abilities due to the changes in his speech.  its awesome to watch he and Zeke discover their voice and to see how smart they are now that they are communicating.

we’re blessed despite the difficulties and trials.  despite my own pain and fatigue our boys are doing ok.  could be better but no parent’s perfect and considering our challenges I think they are turning out just fine, for now.

it’s been a nice much needed relaxing weekend.   off to cuddle w/ my hubby and watch something on tivo…no better way to end the weekend then w/ a episode of Psych, Dr. Who or Eureka !! ok maybe, but those shows arent on during the summer!  😉

today was the last day of Caleb’s soccer camp.  He really enjoyed the week and wants to do it again.   The coach was really nice and I wouldnt mind paying for it again next year, which is more than I could say about the dumb rec soccer team he played on here.  (which he probably wont play in again anytime soon)

no plans this afternoon, somehow this week I’ve managed to get in small naps once Bo fall asleep watching tv.  it’s been much needed, but I think it was mostly because it was raining most of the week so he didnt want to be outside.  today though is a beautiful day, so once Zeke is done his nap I think we’ll head to the pool or something equally as fun….if I get some energy..

the boys have roseola.  the good thing is now that they  have a rash they are not contagious so we can finally make plans to blow this joint tomorrow! wohoo!

whenever the kids get just a fever I always tell Dean let’s wait to see what happens, sometimes they will get a rash or someother symptoms.  usually it’s something else, and they end up throwing up or having ear drainage.  not this time…for once they got a rash.  Bo and Zeke now have little red bumps all over them, oddly the rash started on their back, I thought most rashes start on the stomach.  So I made Zeke an appt w/ the dr for this afternoon to be safe, so I can find out when we can be social again.   I thought bo’s rash was light and fading, but after a second look it looks just like Zekes.  For some reason Caleb just got the fever and no rash.    guessing  it’s just a virus but Zeke did miss his 15 month vaccines, so that’s got me a little worried as well.   I’ll write more after we visit the dr.  Hoping after they see Zeke I can bring up the fact that the other two probably have the same thing in case they do in fact need medicine.  hoping to get one copay and 3 diagnosis!   I know, I’m so cheap!

well gotta run….now that Zeke’s fever has lowered he’s back to his troublesome toddler self, currently messing w/ the dog’s water and food bowl.  I am either fevered or just hot, either way I still feel yucky.

zeke has a temperature of 102.5 poor baby!!  I cant decide if I should call the dr or not.  He started w/ it after the other two so hasnt had a fever as long as the other two.   on monday the nurse said if the fever is still there past today to call and make an appt. but I cant remember when Zeke started w/ a fever?  guessing it was late Sunday or Monday since he was w/ his grandparents all weekend I dont know if he had a fever then.   Maybe I feel so crappy because I’m sick too?  if only it were that easy.  I just want to go to bed.   Anyone want to come watch some sick kiddos so I can rest??

I’d love to go back to early this morning, no wait, til last night and do it all over again.  I was up almost all night, I think I finally fell and stayed asleep around 4:50 a.m.  I had a horrible headache all night and if I did manage to fall off to sleep briefly I was awoken by Bo or the dog.  So since I was up this morning I decided I was going to try to make it to my exercise class. We were up and out of the house on time.  Just as I got ready to sign the boys into the kids room at the Y Bo threw up all over the floor.   needless to say they wouldnt let him stay.  So instead we headed to walmart since dean headed there last night for me but the boys fell asleep in the van and he didnt want to wake them so I said I’d go today.   On the way to walmart caleb and I were arguing, again.  this time about listening to his music, almost all of his cds are scratched which makes listening to them skip around and stop more than you actually hear the music so since I felt crappy as is I didnt want anything else grating my nerves so I Said no and we were listening to my music.   It wasnt until way too late that I noticed the cop behind me w/ his flashers on.  Apparently he’d been trying to get me to pull over and I didnt see him and when I finally did I thought he was responding to an emergency and pulled over, it took me a minute to realize I was in trouble, and for what I had no clue.   honestly, I was so frustrated w/ the kids I’d just been driving blindly to the store, as is usual this days.  I’ve told Dean several times I should probably not be driving. oh well….so he said I didnt stop at a stop sign, ok really he said all I did was hit the brakes briefly and keep going and that he had a hard time catching up to me, which is hard to believe because I do remember the stop sign after the he said I blew through and you have to stop because of traffic there and I knew I had trouble seeing through the trees to see what was coming to my left so I waited for a minute.   but anyway…..on the road out of our community theres about a zillion 2 or 4 way stop w/ stop signs.  the one he said I blew through was the second to last on that route, and I know I tend to stop breifly and keep going because I get so fed up w/ the darn stop signs and lack of other traffic around.  so anyway, I got my first ticket and of course it has to be one that costs $75!! not good when we’re already skimping for change these days to afford gas and diapers for two kids.   not to mention are having trouble this month w/ the bills, another $75 expense is just nuts.

so I finally made it to walmart, of course feeling worse than I had already, which is pretty bad since I spent the night being up feeling bad.   the kids screamed and fought the whole time.  I had time to come home unload the groceries and head to drop Caleb off to soccer camp, and endure all of those stupid stop signs that just kept reminding me of my freaking $75 ticket.    Home now to let Zeke nap and am praying Bo will lay down w/ me to watch tv so that I can at least rest my body some.  it’s just one of those days.  through the night I told myself I’d probably not make it to the gym becuase of how I felt, so I made myself get up and to the gym this morning because I wanted to prove to myself I could do it, and things just continued to fall apart from then on….

I just want a do over….