Wisdom from my walk

i am loving today!! nothing like near 80 degree temps to get your spirits soaring. I got Caleb to school on time, took the long way home pushing Bo in the stroller then did a few things before heading out to my friends to drop off Bo and go to my appt. My appt was a little long, baby wouldnt stay on the monitor for the NST, drove us crazy trying to get his heartbeat. no contractions showed up but she said she still wanted to check me since I was contracting so much while there Thursday. I was fine with that, and wanted to know if any progress had been made considering some of those contractions were painful! She confirmed there was a definite change from last week, cervix moved from the posterior position (less favorable for labor) to anterior(must happen before true labor starts), and was beginning to soften. Baby’s head was low in my pelvis so she told me when to call or go to the hospital if things continued, worsening contractions, bleeding or my water breaks. She did say they may have to move the timeline up if labor starts or changes continue, guessing that means the same thing? So chances of making it to 39 weeks(april 7th),well it’s looking hopeful that this baby will have a March birthday!!! I said a quick prayer while I waited for the dr to come check me once I’d been told they’d be doing an internal exam, sorry for TMI, that if anything that something would have changed so I’d know if there was hope of going before April 7th. So i’m guessing I got my answer there! So I’m in a better mood knowing I have a better chance of going sooner since labor might happen naturally sooner than later, she said if I went into labor now they wouldnt stop labor and I reminded her that I am having a c-section and she said they’d just do the c-section then, when/if I go into labor. So I’m hoping that means not needing an amnio since if I wasnt getting a c-section and went into labor they’d let me deliver. Lots of good answers, not a definite due date change but at least now I know if labor starts they wont give me meds to stop it!

my grandmom is still in surgery so no news there. We still dont know when dean’s dad is scheduled to have surgery, sometime this week though. Dean really wants to go spend the weekend in Ohio next weekend, I would want to go too if it were me,but I’m scared he’ll go away and I’ll go into labor! He said he’d take the kids, but he wants to leave Friday night after work, drive all that way then come back Sunday. that’s tiring as is, let alone w/ two kids and pushing it all into a weekend will be even harder. Maybe I’ll have the baby before then, then I wont care if he leaves me w/ a newborn and takes the other two away for a few days, and at that point he’d be taking time off of work anyway to be here. i’m hoping he’ll decide to do that, wait til I am home from the hospital and use his leave time for him and the kids to go to Ohio, I’d be alone w/ a newborn but it’s not like the kid wont sleep most of the time and I wouldnt have to struggle with not lifting Bo if he’s not here. So who knows what he will do, but with our luck he’d leave and get there and I’d go into labor! I guess he needs to make it home from Vigrinia before he does anything as is, the car still isnt fixed, they are still trying to get the parts together. Pray it gets fixed before closing time today so Dean doesnt have to stay another day (more money spent) and lose another day of work! the hotel is letting him check out at 3 p.m. so that is helpful, so hoping they get the parts soon and they told him once they have all the parts it will be fixed in less than 2 hours.

Bo is napping, I was going to too but it’s too pretty of a day to be taking a nap, eventhough I am pretty tired. If I have the energy I’ll probably take the kids to the park again after getting Caleb from school, all this walking I’m doing is probably helping progress things as far as labor goes, so I’m grateful for the nice weather and energy to get out and do some walking even if it’s not helping lots, it makes me feel good knowing I’m not on bedrest and I’ve got at most 3 or so weeks left!! this might be the first pregnancy I’ve had where it didnt end with bedrest!!! I’d be oh so happy about that!!

my boys were glad to have me back today, Bo’s joyous laugh was almost too much to bear!  He continued to look around and ask for Dadda though, so I know his return will bring more joy to his happy little face.   It was nice to know they missed me.  Our friend who kept them is amazing.  she kept them so busy and they had so much fun, both boys were wiped out today from all of the fun!   I think she was too!

I’m worn out and still feeling sick to my stomach more than normal.   Found out my grandmom is having surgery tomorrow morning, Dean’s dad is also going to have surgery this week, both of them may or may not have cancer, a thought that breaks my heart.   I’m hopeful that both will be fine, but still very concerned.

dean is still at the hotel in va. enjoying free internet and tons of cable channels.   He said he took a dip in the whirlpool pool this evening too.    A rough life that man has!   I’ve been trying to get things organized for the week ahead, dreading my 3 doctors appts this week and having to find time to take Bo to get his vaccines he missed last week, not even sure he’s well enough for them yet.    I was able to relieve some of my stress by doing what I always do when stressed, cleaning.  I scrubbed the floors this evening and got the kids things ready for tomorrow.    It’s going to be a busy morning, I failed to realize that leaving Dean behind meant I’d be responsible to get Caleb to school, something I rarely do.  i did on friday since we were all up and the weather was so great, hoping the rain holds off so I can walk him to school w/ Bo in the stroller and enjoy it as opposed to driving and managing Bo in the rain while we get Caleb there.    my ob appt is early tomorrow, which is good so that I can be done to get Caleb without rushing around like I usually do for my later day appointments.  that also means, I’ll be done and know if I’m going to make it til Thursdays appt, or at least have a better grip on how these contractions are going and find out their thoughts on if labor does start sooner what the game plan will be as far as how soon delivery will be…how long they’ll wait before doing the surgery, for example how far dilated do I have to be for them to intervene.    two more weeks til the point I was in early labor and dilating w/ Boaz so the countdown is really on to see how long it will take with this pregnancy.   the sooner the better I say!

I’ll update after my busy day tomorrow if things go well and I can!   hoping the car repairs are done early enough that dean can be home and have some time with us since he hasnt seen the kids in days!   not to mention, I have tons I want to do before baby arrives and having him home early and not going to work means I might get something done around here!    I can hope cant I?   hope everyone had a good weekend!   it’s sad to say I’m glad mine is finally over!!

It’s almost 5:30 a.m., I’ve been awake since 3 a.m.   Feel sick to my stomach, cant get my brain to stop stressing and thinking over what to do w/ the car and whether or not we’ve got the money to front another hotel night until they reimburse us for all this crap.  I laid in bed for about an hour feeling sick and stressing so I decided to get out of bed hoping to settle the nauseas feeling by not laying down but it’s not helping.   I’m supposed to be enjoying 2 nights of great sleep without the kids to interfere, last night I was up for about this same stretch of time sick through then night and here I am again and tonight is much worse, yesterday I chalked it up to the late night 1/2 burrito before bed but tonight all I can blame is the stress.    Dean’s been out all night(sleeping and snoring), he took some tylenol pm. wishing I had but I knew I’d have to get up around 3 am to check my sugar and eat my snack and I didnt think I would be able to wake myself if I took that.   No doubt however and whenever I get home tomorrow I’ll be more tired then I should be for having had a weekend without kids.    I wish we had just stayed home, at least then I’d have had more money in the bank acct, been with my babies that I’m missing and gotten a little more time to sleep throughout the day other than running around dealing with car stuff.    I knew I should have just scrapped the going away idea once my ob said no but Dean was right about one thing so far, it’s not like I’d go into labor what we couldnt predict at all is the car dying on us.    So while I didnt go into labor, which is good without transportation to get us back to the hospital I need to be at, we still ended up not having a real romantic getaway.   I think I might be more stressed now than I was before I left home and that’s pretty bad since I was already stressed about so much then.    I just want to crawl into bed and sleep away my worries but sleep wont come and I feel so sick…….there’s a lesson in all of this right?  we’re being taught some grand lesson by the Maker, guess He just hasnt revealed it yet to us, or I’m too tired to see through all of this to the other side, you know the point where you say aahhh…now I see why this happened and what we gained from it….maybe because this time theres nothing to gain, once again we’re just losing out and suffering yet another trial for no reason….I’d hate to think that, and I’m sure there’s something to gain from this situation, anyone got some great insight that I cant see through tear stained sleepy eyes?    did I mention how bad I feel and that my diabetes has been super bad all weekend, to the point I probably should have called my endo by now to tell him just how bad but being so far from the hospital it wont really matter, nothing we can do but wait to get back to deal with those issues.  sorry for the pessimism, it’s late and honesty is the best right…no sugar coating here folks.   well there’s sugar involved but it’s not the kind anyone wants….

So..car got towed to a repair shop and they said it’s going to cost over $600 to fix and that the part wont be in til Monday!  They called while we were walking around the musuem waiting for it to be time for the movie.    Movie was great, amazingly huge on the Imax, made most of us feel nasueas.   I chalked mine & Brooklynne’s as pregnancy related but Dean said he was feeling bad too, he thought he might have a migraine.  Got back to the hotel, ordered some food to be delivered while Dean threw up some, he’s been asleep for a while now.  So I ate alone and am bored out of my mind listening to him snore.  I’ve spent some time on the phone w/ our car insurance trying to find out what kind of coverage we have.   Turns out they will pay 80% of the hotel and car rental.  Dean’s thinking about staying tomorrow night while I get a rental car from the nearby airport to get back to the kids, he’ll come home w/ the car after it’s repaired on Monday.   But we’re not sure if the shop ordered the part yet or not; we are supposed to call them when they open at 8 am tomorrow then we’ll decide what the plan is for sure.    I dont know if the car insurance will pay for tonight since we were here already yesterday but they did say they’d pay for tomorrow night, I didnt mention we were already here since yesterday…so hoping if we can get a separate reciept for each night they’ll pay for it, as long as the reciept doesnt show Friday night, even so they might do it anyway since we only want reimbursed for 2 of the 3 nights.    So with any luck they’ll at least pay for tonight and tomorrow if Dean stays.   So really….that would be great!    We’ll get reimbursed for the towing today so that’s good.  it’s the $600 mechanic bill thats gonna kill us.   Friends are gonna let us borrow some money, but I think we can get a credit card for the repair shop and just owe them we’ll find out more about that tomorrow too.

We went ahead and postponed the baby shower my friend was gonna have for me tomorrow afternoon so it’s not stressing me out to get back by 1 p.m.   Good but I was looking forward to something fun this weekend!  I cant believe how bad this weekend has gone, and we still dont have a plan for whats next.   I wish Dean was at least awake, then I wouldnt be sitting here bored!   I’ll probably just crash early so I’m rested for whatever comes tomorrow, that and I’m exhausted, I think the stress has gotten to both of us.   I think we need a vacation from our vacation!  😉

So we got to the hotel about 8 pm last night. We checked in, then headed for a drive around the main strip to find a snack. We ended up at Baja Fresh and then found an awesome game store that we browsed for a while. came back and just relaxed. This morning we slept in some, had breakfast then went for a swim at the hotel pool. We were hoping to get into D.C. to go sightseeing til we went to the museum and movie later on this afternoon. We hit a chinese buffet for lunch then were going to head into D.C. but….our car started acting up, sputtering and stalling. We chose to pull over and barely made it into a parking spot, it seemed like the car was just going to die. We dont know what we are going to do, luckily we had the hotels phone # in the cell phone and they have a free shuttle that could come and get us. So after calming me down, finding a bathroom for potty breaks, and making some calls we got the shuttle back to the hotel where we are sitting, Dean on the phone trying to find a shop to look at the car before they close today, and I’m sitting here venting about this here. So if you happened to stop by and read this please pray, pray hard. We dont have a lot of money since we were using what’s left of our tax money and after the van needing fixed and paying for the hotel there wastn much left, so we dont know how we’ll manage to get the car towed and fixed let alone how to get home if we cant afford it.  this is not how I wanted our weekend to go.  Did I mention I was up sick through the night and my sugars are through the roof again……cant help but think we should have just stayed home……as long as I dont go into labor I guess things will be ok.   I dont know what we did to deserve all these trials this past week but I am doing my best to not get too worked up, but pregnancy hormones and lack of fundage dont help much, all that I’ve got left is faith.    guess that’s really all I need huh?   at least we arent stranded w/ two kids in a strange place…..

I walked to get Caleb, we were running late because of a poopy bo diaper at the last minute.   I let him play with his friends at the school playground then we walked to the park playground.   It was funny seeing bo learn how to walk around on the wood chips.  i forgot that it was his first time walking at a playground.   Since Caleb was an early walker too and born in the summer by his first birthday he was playing outdoors at playgrounds but because this is the first it’s been warm and Bo has been walking well enough to do so, he didnt know what to do.  I couldnt figure out what the problem was til I realized it was really his first time doing so as a toddler!   he wasnt too keen on the swing, which is odd because as an infant he loved the swing.    I think he was just tired since he didnt nap much today.  by the time we lelt about an hour later, he was walking much more confidently on the playground equipment and wood chips but it was still pretty funny!

he throws a huge tantrum when you make him come inside after playing, he literally kicked and pushed me to try to get back outside.   we spent almost 2 hours out there between the walking to the school, the park and back and playing at the park for an hour then playing the yard and hosing off the kids bikes/ ride on cars.    he’s laying in bed now since he’s so wiped out!   caleb looks sleepy too!  I’m just hot and sweaty not too overly tired which is nice considering I still need to pack clothes and get things together for the kids.

I’m so frustrated w/ my diabetes and treatment.   I emailed my drs my levels today since it’s Friday and things were off some and I didnt want to go all weekend without informing them.  So when I got in I had an email saying what to do, so I’m waking up at 3 to eat a snack and check my sugar.   now they want me to eat more at that 3 am snack, I’m barely able to eat anything cause I’m not hungry and I’m so tired.  It’s not working and I dont want to do it anymore.  I emailed her back but it’s late so not sure I’ll hear anything before we leave for the weekend.  I’m fed up with the ideas they keep coming up with that arent even working.   I hate complaining to the drs but i’m sick of their ideas because they arent realistic.  I mean who gets up at 3 am to eat nearly a meal then goes back to sleep, let alone, I’m eating right before bed so most nights I already have heartburn/indigestion from the first nightime snack then making me eat again when I dont want to.   last night I almost threw up it was bad.   I am so ready to be done and I think I’m going to tell them I’m not doing it anymore.  I would rather take more insulin then deal with all this crap in the middle of the night.  Ok, enough whining, for now.  I cant imagine how people who are diabetic all the time deal w/ the depression it causes, cause I’m not doing so well w/ this.

well I need to get stuff done so we can leave after dinner.  have a great weekend everyone!

This morning Bo and I walked caleb to school since we were up and it was a beautiful morning, dean usually takes Caleb to school.    We had slept with a window open all night and I was expecting it to get too cold through the night so that we’d get up to close it, that never happened.  Now it’s 76 out and even more beautiful!   at this rate Dean and I will have great weather to get out and about this weekend, and it will be great weather for our friend to take the kids out while we are gone so that should be good for them!   I wish Dean could get out of work early so we could spend some time w/ the kids outside but I doubt that will happen, he went back into work last night and didnt get home til well after midnight so you would think he has the right to leave a little early today?!?

Contractions have slowed down some but so have I!  I just cant get motivated today, all I can think about is our great weekend away!   I did manage to “create” a new pasta dish for dinner.  If everyone likes it I will share the recipe.   I like it a lot and Bo seems to too, Dean’s always my toughest critic when it comes to making new things.    he’ll try just about anything but he’s still picky about if he likes them or not!  well, going to walk to get Caleb soon, hoping to leave early and let Bo play at the school playground before the big kids get out to run him over!   that or leave regular time to get him then go to the other little kid friendlier park down the street.   I just cant seem to make any decisions today, the fresh air is distracting I guess!