late night thoughts…or early morning really

It’s almost 5:30 a.m., I’ve been awake since 3 a.m.   Feel sick to my stomach, cant get my brain to stop stressing and thinking over what to do w/ the car and whether or not we’ve got the money to front another hotel night until they reimburse us for all this crap.  I laid in bed for about an hour feeling sick and stressing so I decided to get out of bed hoping to settle the nauseas feeling by not laying down but it’s not helping.   I’m supposed to be enjoying 2 nights of great sleep without the kids to interfere, last night I was up for about this same stretch of time sick through then night and here I am again and tonight is much worse, yesterday I chalked it up to the late night 1/2 burrito before bed but tonight all I can blame is the stress.    Dean’s been out all night(sleeping and snoring), he took some tylenol pm. wishing I had but I knew I’d have to get up around 3 am to check my sugar and eat my snack and I didnt think I would be able to wake myself if I took that.   No doubt however and whenever I get home tomorrow I’ll be more tired then I should be for having had a weekend without kids.    I wish we had just stayed home, at least then I’d have had more money in the bank acct, been with my babies that I’m missing and gotten a little more time to sleep throughout the day other than running around dealing with car stuff.    I knew I should have just scrapped the going away idea once my ob said no but Dean was right about one thing so far, it’s not like I’d go into labor what we couldnt predict at all is the car dying on us.    So while I didnt go into labor, which is good without transportation to get us back to the hospital I need to be at, we still ended up not having a real romantic getaway.   I think I might be more stressed now than I was before I left home and that’s pretty bad since I was already stressed about so much then.    I just want to crawl into bed and sleep away my worries but sleep wont come and I feel so sick…….there’s a lesson in all of this right?  we’re being taught some grand lesson by the Maker, guess He just hasnt revealed it yet to us, or I’m too tired to see through all of this to the other side, you know the point where you say aahhh…now I see why this happened and what we gained from it….maybe because this time theres nothing to gain, once again we’re just losing out and suffering yet another trial for no reason….I’d hate to think that, and I’m sure there’s something to gain from this situation, anyone got some great insight that I cant see through tear stained sleepy eyes?    did I mention how bad I feel and that my diabetes has been super bad all weekend, to the point I probably should have called my endo by now to tell him just how bad but being so far from the hospital it wont really matter, nothing we can do but wait to get back to deal with those issues.  sorry for the pessimism, it’s late and honesty is the best right…no sugar coating here folks.   well there’s sugar involved but it’s not the kind anyone wants….