Wisdom from my walk

I suppose I shouldnt complain anymore about not getting to sleep in…my wonderful hubby got up w/ the kids this morning and took them out of the house so I could sleep in.  I just up, a few minutes before noon!  Now that I’m up  dont know what to do with myself in an empty house…guess I’ll finish up the laundry and wait for the boys to get back!  thanks honey for the much needed sleep!! 😉

Another lazy day around here.   Zeke had a doctors appt and was given some meds for his infection.   turns out sinus infections arent contagious, nor are ear infections yet our kids seem to always get what the other has, contagious or not.  Zeke and Bo kept us up a lot last night, which was not fun at all.   I’ve had a headache all day and am trying to stay out of the heat and sun which makes it worse.   so far so good, but I’m also getting sick of being in the house all week w/ sick kids.   Caleb’s 6th birthday is a week away.  we are only doing a small family get together for cake and ice cream due to lack of funds for anything more.   also due to lack of funds we are cancelling our trip to Balto. for this month.  too many doctors bills and medicines needed which unfortunately are more important than visiting family and friends.

I’m hoping dean will still take the day or two off so we can at least have a “small vacation” like long weekend spent at the pool or Kings Island since we have passes for those places so it would be a free mini vacation from home!

I’ve been slacking today so I need to play catch up before Dean gets home.  thank god it’s Friday!

This morning Bo was throwing up, I was trying to talk on the phone to the pediatrician’s nurse to get meds for Zeke who now has crusty icky eyes along w/ his green nasal discharge, and the dogs were barking and fighting over their food.    I told the nurse I had to go get a throwing up Kid, then took the dogs outside and sent the kids there too while I cleaned up the throw up so no one stepped in it.   at some point I called Dean to tell him to come home and a little while later he showed up.  of course the chaos stopped once he got home and it’s been easy ever since.   I just got up from sleeping, as did Zeke.  I just want to keep sleeping the day away.    the doctors office wouldnt call Zeke meds in they wanted to see him, the dr that saw Bo wasnt in today and the one who they asked today is the one who never does anything to treat sick kids, she drives me nuts.  I refused to make him in an appt.  If it’s worse tomorrow I’ll call and take him in or see if his dr will call it in for me.  I thinks it dumb when two kids in the same house have the same thing they wont just give him medicine.  we know it’s the same bug.   anyway…

Dean and Bo went to run an errand, the dogs are playing and Zeke’s playing w/ a wiggles toy.  I need to play catch up on errands so the day isnt a complete waste.  I really want to go hang out at the pool but zeke and bo arent able to…Bo’s got diarrhea and w/ Zeke’s eyes probably being contagious.   just a lazy day at home I suppose.

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originally uploaded by Amy McKenzie.

new pics up at flickr. I love this one of Zeke. the black and white was by accident.  we spent a few hours at Parky’s farm today w/ my MIL and some cousins.  It’s the hottest day of the summer and boy did it feel like it! 

no not a kid…even crazier, well maybe not…meet Shea the dog…

she’s 2 1/2 years old and has a *bit* more energy than Ginger.  they were fine at the park when we met them but now that we are home they are playing a ton and I didnt realize how loud and rowdy dog play could be!! i dont really mind it’s just that the kids are in bed.  hopefully they continue to get along, Ginger and Shea.  she seems fine w/ the boys too.   their previous owners had an infant and a toddler so she’s used to kids, but their owner had allergies so had to let her go.   Good for us she was free…when we got Ginger we paid for her.

Ginger and Shea look a lot a like, it’s kind of neat.  They are both girls and about the same age, She is 2 1/2 and Ginger just turned 3.   their colors are about the same, but Shea’s fur is much softer, but we knew Gingers was coarse because the vet mentioned it and thinks it’s from her thyroid.  but until we felt Shea we didnt really know just how coarse Ginger’s hair was.

Again w/ the sickness in this house…for a few days bo and Zeke have had runny noses.  I didnt worry too much about it but was noticing some eye drainage but not all of the time.  So this morning Bo walked into our room and said “my eyes hurt” amazing as is because he said it, thank god for small miracles, the child can finally talk.  His eyes were crusted shut and looked yucky!    so off to the dr today for him.  He’s now on an antibiotic for a sinus infection and eye drops for the eye ickies as I so medically call them!   Going to have to keep an “eye” on Zeke’s eyes too, they seemed a little puffy yesterday , time will tell I suppose.  So I had to cancel a playdate today w/ a mom from church, and I was really looking forward to it.   she lives pretty close by and has a newborn, ok a few months old by now, I met her when I took her a meal after she had the baby.  she also has a 2 year old named Zeke.   Hoping I can connect with her again soon.

Bo’s been wearing big boy underwear for a week now.  he only poops in his underwear, he hasnt had a pee accident in a few days, wohoo!!  he doesnt want to wear a diaper to bed but he doesnt wake up to go potty through the night yet so for now that’s ok with me.    but he doesnt want to wear a diaper anymore, which is progress!

we’re going to Baltimore in a few weeks, but before then is something even bigger, Caleb’s 6th birthday is next week.  i cant believe it’s August already let alone I have a first grader!   school starts right when we get back from our trip to baltimore.

well gonna run…I’m wiped out.  spent time at the dr then a big trip to the superwalmart for groceries and whatever else I had on my list as well as Bo’s prescriptions.   I was exhausted before we left this morning, and since coming home I’ve cleaned the house up, done some laundry and mopped the floors.  I have to get dinner in the oven soon, we have some plans this evening, not going to say what until we get back because it’s a suprise for the kids and I dont want to make any announcements until it’s a done deal in case it doesnt work out.

It wasnt a bad day, really.  It wasnt a bad week either.  but I have felt miserable each and every day.  last night I was too worn out to keep going so Dean took the kids to the last night of the kids program at church and I went to bed around 8 p.m. and stayed there til 9 or so this morning.   I’ve tried to keep up.  3 kids is hard.  potty training one kid is hard enough, add to that a new toddler who wants to explore the bathroom while you are trying to get one undressed and dressed without incident, and then add to that a few visiting cousins (who were most of the time helpful, other than when they were all arguing and I wanted to ring all of their necks, but they were helpful also! 🙂 ) and a few neighborhood kids here and there, not to mention, loads of laundry, housework related to 4-5 kids living in the house w/ a dog, and keeping up with outside commitments like  church and early intervention, a doctors appointment, many phone calls w/ the drs office…well IF all this was all I had going on this week then maybe just maybe you might see why at the end of the day I was frazzled.  BUT add to all of the above, intense pain, fatigue, nausea and a very achy belly, well you tell me how I’m supposed to handle.

we went out to a block party the church was holding for a community in the city this morning.  we drove two cars so Dean could leave and go help a friend move.  he lost his keys so I dropped him off at his friends and went home w/ the 4 kids.   the twins across the street came over the play and Zeke took a nap(something I hoped to do to)  Dean got home around 5ish.  we planned to go to dinner then meet Dean’s parents to take Caleb and Laura then head to pick up Dean’s car, he still hadnt found his keys but we had a spare set.  turns out he had locked the keys in the car so at least we found them I suppose.  so as I followed him home from his car tonight w/ two sleeping toddlers I cried and cried and cried.

I need help around the house, a sitter or at least  a mother helper.  we cant afford that.  I’ve thought about getting a part time job for money, but then we’d have to pay a sitter still and I’d have to physically work and keep up w/ the kids after/before and who knows how that would work since I barely have it in me to keep up w/ the kids but part of me thinks an office job would be less demanding than these 3 kids are on me.     either way we’re out of money, I need prescriptions and bills need payed.  I cant afford to work, I dont have the health to get a job as is.    I hate being at this stage, we’ve been here time and time again and it works out.  I’ll eventually feel better…..if they can ever find the right medicine combo that helps me best.

I love my kids but today I made the mistake of saying on the phone to Dean in front of them I cant take these kids anymore…meaning I needed a break but caleb heard it and was so upset w/ me for not wanting him, he said I didnt want him to live here anymore.    which is not what I said or thought.  what I thought was if I dont get a break and the kids dont calm down I’m going to lose it.   we ended up having a peaceful dinner and were all in better moods after but I know my illness and mood has been affecting caleb in many ways.  I know it’s probably why he has anger issues.  he doesnt understand why sometimes we can spend hours at the pool or zoo or kings island then other times all mommy wants to do is lay on the sofa.  the truth is I really shouldnt be doing any of those things w/ three kids on my own in my condition but I do because I feel guilty for the bad days when all I do is want to lay around.  I overdo it sometimes, give him just what he wants and the next day feel shitty and he gets mad we cant go do more fun things.  he’s also having a hard time adjusting to the fact our money has run out. we were doing well but doctors bills, medicines, diapers and gas prices hit hard lately.   I’m dreading the fact that soon our flexible savings acct money will be used up and I’ll still have months of needed prescriptions and doctors appointments.

****Caleb called us now, he’s with his grandparents, he called to sing me a song.   I love my boys, I do….. I just hate not being able to be the mom I need to be for them.     I need to go…he’s making me sad.