Wisdom from my walk

We weren’t going to go to Dean’s sisters last night, because I was feeling so bad, but then Dean called to tell her and they all wanted to see us so I felt bad about not going so we did anyway. At first I was still feeling pretty bad and having 10 kids running around with noise makers didn’t help my headache much, but then it was time for the kids to get out of the pool and I got to swim all by myself! And it was SO nice. The water was warm and it had just gotten dark, so I laid around the moonlit pool. It almost felt like I was in a huge bathtub! So it made it all worthwhile. I really needed that time to relax, everyone had kept asking about the baby and feeling my belly, which is something I have come to hate, if I wanted you to feel my stomach I would invite you too! But oh well, I dont want to ruffle anyone’s feathers, can’t have family mad at me this close to a time when we will be needing their help.

So despite how bad I felt it turned out to be a nice relaxing evening. The best part about yesterday was when I got home from my sister in laws I returned Ann’s call to us and we talked for almost an hour! We rarely talk, usually our husbands get on the phone for a long time and they make plans for us to get together, but last night Ann & I just gabbed away. It was so nice, even if it was mostly about baby stuff. I really am starting to get selfish, everyone is so concerned about Caleb, well I am the one going through all the trouble to give them Caleb but no one seems to care. Oh well….Point was, Ann and I had a nice long chat. She and her husband are so excited about Caleb, even more so then we seem to be but we have decided it is because they get to come play with him then leave him, we have to deal with the larger scale of things. I am glad that we have gotten to know Ann & Dennis, they’ve proved to be a great support for us and I only hope that they are benefiting from our new friendship too. Ann’s birthday is Tuesday and it would be neat if Caleb’s ended up being then too, but I dont know if I want to wait til Tuesday!

I have my regular weekly ob appt today, and I really hope Dean goes with, so we should find out what the plan of action is in us having Caleb and how soon it will be. They have told us before that it would be best to wait until at least 39 weeks, which is Monday, and that we’d have the baby before my due date which is the 14th! So I am hoping that they will schedule to induce me early next week, that way my mom can make plans to come since she will have to drive about 10 hours to get here. The only thing I am dreading about today is having to get blood work done, I haven’t had any done since I found out about the diabetes, and that was months ago, or so it seemed, I was 28 weeks then, so it’s been a while. And there is a big chance all of the symptoms I am having are related to toxemia(or pre-eclampsia) and the last thing I need right now is more complications. So I am praying everything is normal, but I know that the way this pregnancy has gone, I was lucky to get this far along and right now it’d be just one more thing to add to the list…..

Caleb did great on his ultrasound today! And my blood pressure was only a little up, despite the blurred vision and headaches I’ve been having. They will probably do some blood work on me tomorrow when I go see my regular ob to make sure there isn’t a problem that is causing me to feel so bad. And with any luck we will find out if I am dialated at all tomorrow. I keep having contractions, painful ones, but not in any special consistency so I haven’t kept time track of them. They are too sporatic to time, unfortunately. So all thing went well today, although I still feel pretty lousy. They sent me home for more bedrest and said to see my ob tomorrow.

In the meantime, Dean and I havent been up to much. Last night we had a great time, we went to his sisters to go swimming, and the kids weren’t home so we got to swim alone which is rare. usually we have to play with the kids, all 6 of them! So it was a nice quiet evening, and quite enjoyable. And the swiming helped me cope with the painful contractions I was having. Tonight we are going back to their house for our nephew’s birthday celebration, I just cant wait to go swimming again! I am supposed to be on complete bed rest but I cant imagine swimming could be bad for me, I think it will actually help me, especially if these contractions continue to keep up.

Well another uneventful day of bedrest! Yippee!!

How is it that people always know the wrong time to call? I woke up bright and early this morning to take Dean to work since we had left his truck at his work last night when I picked him up to go to the hospital. So I came home completely exhausted again, and climbed back into bed. So a few minutes ago, as I was so soundly and comfortably sleeping, which rarely happens anymore, the phone rings. First it was my mom, her daily check on me, and she fussed that I need to call my ob to see if I need to go in before Thursday, I fussed back then got off the phone in hopes of going back to sleep. Well as I was dozing back to sleep my mother in law called, by this point I was pretty awake so I agreed to go shopping with her.

I started writing this earlier, but just got back from shopping so…I went shopping with my mother in law and she got us some outfits for Caleb and the stroller we picked out! Wohoo! Now the only thing I really want/need is a diaper genie. Okay we probably dont need it, as Dean says use a trash can, but I really want one, so maybe we will just go get it anyway. While shopping I got the cutest hat, for me of course, it was on sale and I just had to have it! I used to wear hats often but I guess my head grew as I got older and I gave my old ones to my neices, so when I saw ones on sale today I just had to get one. We also went to the chinese buffet for lunch, and we picked up Dean so he got to go with us. It was quite a fun morning/early afternoon. Now I am ready for another nap! And hopefully no one will call to wake me up. I have noticed since I have been on bedrest that we get at least 5 sales calls a day, but I’ve learned not to answer the phone if it says unknown name/number on the caller id, but you better believe me if another one of those calls wakes me from a nap……well I just wont answer it!

I am so glad to have gotten out today though, I know I am supposed to be in bed, and we even rented some movies for me to lounge and watch today, but I hate being stuck inside, especially when the sun is out and it looks to be such a nice day. And with any luck the walking around the stores may help my cervix start to do something! I am hoping at my appt on Thursday to find out that it is doing something, it would be nice if Caleb came on his own, but he only has a few more days before they decide when they are going to evict him. Come on kiddo, I keep telling him we have lots of cool toys out here for him but I dont think he cares. I think he knows that he has it pretty good where he is now, I mean come on, he doesnt have to do anything but eat and sleep now, once he is out he will have to smile and play and cuddle with mom and dad and dont forget he’ll have to have baths and get his diaper changed. He’s got it pretty good, but mommy on the other hand is ready to have her body back and I was eyeing up some great deals on clothes today but knew better than to get anything because I am sure my size is going to change here in a few weeks, and the thought of being able to buy clothes again! I am so excited! Even more excited about that then I was when I was looking at baby clothes today. Okay, I know it is selfish, but I really am ready to get back to some normalcy here, so come on kid, I’ve been holding on for long enough……I hear my feelings are quite normal for this stage of my pregnancy but I cant help but feel selfish for wanting my body back, but more than anything I think it is knowing it’s just a matter of time and I cant do anything to control how much or how little time left there is. I have enjoyed my pregnancy despite the tough times there have been, even yesterday when I got to hear his little heart beat and feel his kicks it made the miserable parts of the day seem to melt away. But then realizing we wouldnt get to hold Caleb yet made it hard too! So who knows, I wish there was a book to tell you how you are supposed to feel or that even told you that what you are feeling is normal, but no that’s what friends and family are for, to help us cope and encourage us, and thanks for everyone out there who has been there for us during these rough couple of months!

Well folks, bedrest bekons me to return, so have a good day!

I must admit I have had the worst day today, and I am not even in labor. I went to the drs office around 11:30, my blood pressure was very high so they had me rest on my left side, checked it again and it was still high. Rest some more. And yet again, another high reading. So what do they do? They send me home to rest! Apparently there were no drs in the office, a fact they failed to tell me when I called to tell them I was coming in for my blood pressure check. They said they would check with the dr due in at 2, so here it was shortly after 12 and I had 2 hours to wait! So I headed home, completely exhausted, it was a 45 min drive to the drs office! So arond 1:30 I get a call, they want me back at the drs office! They wanted to do a non stress test on Caleb. I opted to have it done at the hospital which is the same distance away just in case they decided to keep me, figured it be silly to go 45 mins. to the drs office then another 30 minutes to the hospital if the need arose.

So I picked Dean up from work and we had our first non stress test. Caleb did well and my blood pressure wasnt nearly as high as it had been that morning so about the time we finished up there it was 4:30. the nurse their tried to call my ob to give them the test results but they turn their phones off at 4:30! So she checked with the specialist who saw no reason to detain me so they sent us home. After a whole day of being dragged back and forth I did not talk to or see an actual dr once. I am quite upset and feel awful.

So we are assuming there is no immediate need for delivery despite my nagging headaches and blurred vision, which is no doubt from the high blood pressure. We don’t know anything really except that there will be no Caleb today. I am just concerned about my own health I guess, it cant be good to have my bp this high, especially when I am having symptoms and not just a high reading. So I am sorry I didnt write earlier. It seems like the whole world, okay my family and some friends, called to check on me today since we all thought we’d be having a baby soon, and despite what I was told, that if my pressure was up there would be a baby soon, there isn’t going to be. I guess that is the frustrating part. On Thursday my dr said to come in today for a bp check and if it was high they’d do something for my health concerns and if my bp was fine they’d wait to see how Caleb did on his u/s on Wednesday and then if nothing we’d see how I was doing on Thursday. But my bp was high today, and much higher than it’s been yet they did nothing. And the really frustrating thing is my dr was not in the office today, yet he told me to come today, and the dr who was in made the decision to not do anything, and I’ve only seen him once so I dont know if he even understands how high risk our pregnancy has been. My mom said I should call and ask to have my ob call me but it’s probably no use seeing as they’d probably just have me come in tomorrow and I am so upset I dont really want to have to go back yet. So that is how my day has been.

And on top of all that I am extremely moody, my poor hubby is getting verbally abused all of the time and I dont know how he is putting up with me. He is constantly going out of his way to try to comfort me but I am so moody and feel so miserable most of the time that I just want to be left alone. I havent been mean just crabby I guess. I know it must be driving him nuts. I keep crying all of the time too. That and I keep getting headaches and the shakes, so yesterday I dropped 3 trays of ice cubes and burst into tears and stormed out of the room leaving him behind to clean up. Today I dropped quite a few things but didnt make nearly as big a mess, and he wasnt home. I cant help but wonder if I should talk to my ob about how I am feeling but after today I doubt they would care. I will just be so happy when this is all over. Two more weeks, if that.

The good thing about having the non stress test today was the nurse said I was having contractions, I couldnt tell the difference between them and Caleb’s usual movements so I had no clue, but the test measures uterine contractions to see how the baby responds to them and apparently I had a few while we were there, which gives me hope that maybe Caleb will decide to come on his own shortly. If we would only be so lucky.

Sorry for not updating sooner, I am just not in the mood to say much because every time I start to talk about today and this pregnancy I get all upset, dumb pregnancy hormones!

I must admit I have had the worst day today, and I am not even in labor. I went to the drs office around 11:30, my blood pressure was very high so they had me rest on my left side, checked it again and it was still high. Rest some more. And yet again, another high reading. So what do they do? They send me home to rest! Apparently there were no drs in the office, a fact they failed to tell me when I called to tell them I was coming in for my blood pressure check. They said they would check with the dr due in at 2, so here it was shortly after 12 and I had 2 hours to wait! So I headed home, completely exhausted, it was a 45 min drive to the drs office! So arond 1:30 I get a call, they want me back at the drs office! They wanted to do a non stress test on Caleb. I opted to have it done at the hospital which is the same distance away just in case they decided to keep me, figured it be silly to go 45 mins. to the drs office then another 30 minutes to the hospital if the need arose.

So I picked Dean up from work and we had our first non stress test. Caleb did well and my blood pressure wasnt nearly as high as it had been that morning so about the time we finished up there it was 4:30. the nurse their tried to call my ob to give them the test results but they turn their phones off at 4:30! So she checked with the specialist who saw no reason to detain me so they sent us home. After a whole day of being dragged back and forth I did not talk to or see an actual dr once. I am quite upset and feel awful.

So we are assuming there is no immediate need for delivery despite my nagging headaches and blurred vision, which is no doubt from the high blood pressure. We don’t know anything really except that there will be no Caleb today. I am just concerned about my own health I guess, it cant be good to have my bp this high, especially when I am having symptoms and not just a high reading. So I am sorry I didnt write earlier. It seems like the whole world, okay my family and some friends, called to check on me today since we all thought we’d be having a baby soon, and despite what I was told, that if my pressure was up there would be a baby soon, there isn’t going to be. I guess that is the frustrating part. On Thursday my dr said to come in today for a bp check and if it was high they’d do something for my health concerns and if my bp was fine they’d wait to see how Caleb did on his u/s on Wednesday and then if nothing we’d see how I was doing on Thursday. But my bp was high today, and much higher than it’s been yet they did nothing. And the really frustrating thing is my dr was not in the office today, yet he told me to come today, and the dr who was in made the decision to not do anything, and I’ve only seen him once so I dont know if he even understands how high risk our pregnancy has been. My mom said I should call and ask to have my ob call me but it’s probably no use seeing as they’d probably just have me come in tomorrow and I am so upset I dont really want to have to go back yet. So that is how my day has been.

And on top of all that I am extremely moody, my poor hubby is getting verbally abused all of the time and I dont know how he is putting up with me. He is constantly going out of his way to try to comfort me but I am so moody and feel so miserable most of the time that I just want to be left alone. I havent been mean just crabby I guess. I know it must be driving him nuts. I keep crying all of the time too. That and I keep getting headaches and the shakes, so yesterday I dropped 3 trays of ice cubes and burst into tears and stormed out of the room leaving him behind to clean up. Today I dropped quite a few things but didnt make nearly as big a mess, and he wasnt home. I cant help but wonder if I should talk to my ob about how I am feeling but after today I doubt they would care. I will just be so happy when this is all over. Two more weeks, if that.

The good thing about having the non stress test today was the nurse said I was having contractions, I couldnt tell the difference between them and Caleb’s usual movements so I had no clue, but the test measures uterine contractions to see how the baby responds to them and apparently I had a few while we were there, which gives me hope that maybe Caleb will decide to come on his own shortly. If we would only be so lucky.

Sorry for not updating sooner, I am just not in the mood to say much because every time I start to talk about today and this pregnancy I get all upset, dumb pregnancy hormones!

As I was getting up this morning I came to realize an awful thought about having the baby this week, ok, yes I am ready to have this baby. But I was not even thinking about everything else that will be going on. Yes, I knew that my mom and step dad would be here and that they’d be sleeping at our house but I don’t think it hit me until this morning that if I am induced this week that they will be here this week, as early as Tuesday!!!

Dean went to church without me this morning because since he works the camera during two services I’d have to sit around for about 3 hours waiting for him, and not that I would mind, but two weeks ago I stopped doing my job with cameras so I could be able to rest and so they could replace me before Caleb got here. So shortly after Dean left I had come across the realization that we might not only have an addition to our immediate family this week but that we’d be having house guests for at least a week or so. So I had planned on getting up and doing some housework while Dean was gone this morning but since I realized we’d be having company I have been running around mopping, cleaning, and everything else that needs done. Which is the last thing I should be doing right now, as these persistent cramps keep reminding me. But I cant manage to stop myself. Yesterday I went through and opened up Caleb’s last few unopened toys and washed his crib sheets again. Rachel, my sister in law, says I am nesting, me I am just thinking that I know these things need done and I may not have time after tomorrow to do anything.

We never did go to Yellow Springs yesterday like I had wanted. I was up almost all of Friday night being very uncomfortable and I kept having bad cramps, Dean says it’s contractions, all I know is that it hurts and it feels like menstrual cramps. They arent consistent enough for me to call them contractions so I won’t. I figure if I start leaking any fluids I will get concerned. Until then I am going to get this house ready for guests and a new baby! But in the back of my head the rational part of me says this burst of energy and desire to clean means I am nesting and that I really should take this time to rest not clean, like I’ve read in a zillion books and magazines, but how can you be rational when you know your mom will come and if the house isnt clean she will spend her visit cleaning for you and that is the last thing I want to know she is doing while I am in the hospital. I think the worst thought about them being here while I am in the hospital, is knowing they may be here alone, or with Dean to entertain them. And not that Dean can’t it’s just that I know how he feels about their visits in general and I can’t imagine how bad it will be for him if he has to deal with them alone while I am in the hospital! He likes my parents, but there is a lot that they dont get agree on, and I only hope this visit goes better than the last one! But I think they’ll be too worried about me and Caleb to fret over other things, or so I hope. The other thought about having the baby this week is knowing I havent decided how or when to notify my real dad about when Caleb is coming, I am hoping to know when I will be induced and then call eveyrone and tell them, but I dont know if I actually expect him to come or even care. And I know the last thing I need to worry about is having him and mom hanging around in the waiting room together. Argh! I dont think it will happen, and if Dad keeps up his usual behavior he wont show, but sometimes you never know with him. So I think I better stop stressing over everything or it will be my own fault that my blood pressure is up tomorrow and not for any real health reason at all. Well back to the housework and then maybe a nap, I sure am getting tired again, it doesnt take much anymore.

Dean took my car today, since his is acting up. So I am really stuck at home, since I don’t ever drive the truck I don’t feel comfortable driving a stick shift, especially if Dean isn’t with me. So today has been quite boring. I spent the morning finishing up most of my much belated thank you cards from our baby showers. I only have a few left, I had to stop because my hand was cramping up. I just finished doing my yoga stretches, which made me feel really good. I got this prenatal yoga video when I was three months pregnant or so and I did it there for a while, but then I just didnt have the time or energy. So I figured if I am stuck at home I won’t be getting much exercise and the yoga stuff is basically stretches, so it’s not too strenuous. I was so proud of myself for still being able to stretch with this huge belly! I feel great now that I did it too. I don’t feel quite so lazy!

Dean and I are planning on going back to the park at Yellow Springs tomorrow to walk some trails and have a picnic. I thought that’d be a nice way to spend our possible last Saturday alone. Tonight there is a seminar at church for couples under 35, Dean doesn’t really want to go, I am not sure why, but I told him if he can’t come up with better plans than that is where we are going tonight. Dean’s been really tired lately, I am wondering if he is stressing about the baby and just not talking about it. I mean he seems to be sleeping okay, but he always seems so tired. Maybe he is just getting old! Yeah right! Then again, I know work is stressful for him too, so maybe the combo of work and baby problems is overwhelming him. My poor hubby! I know he will feel so much better once he gets to hold our little Caleb, and boy I will feel much better than too!

Last night I asked him what I am supposed to wear after my huge belly is gone! I lost a lot of weight., about 20 lbs at the beginning of the pregnancy, and well I’ve only gained 24 lbs so far and I think it will all go away soon after Caleb is here because I’ve only gained 4 more lbs than what I weighed 9 months ago! So I am hoping that with my new and improved eating habits I will get to shop in regular stores in a few months! But I know I shouldnt get my hopes up. I was hit with fear of gaining a lot of weight in the next two weeks since I am not being very active and I think that is why I pulled out the exercise tape today. But I know the stretching and exercises will help me with labor if nothing else. It is so strange, I have been filled with this great hope today that in no more than 2 weeks I will have my body back! Not that I mind it, but I can’t help but think that I will feel so much better not lugging around this huge belly. But then again I am kind of sad that I wont get to fill Caleb’s little kicks, pushes, and hiccups the same way anymore. All the more reason to have another baby, but not too soon. But it is the most amazing thing to feel and watch Caleb move that I don’t doubt I will miss the small nudges he gives me all day long. But I am sure there will be a lot more things to enjoy about him once he is actually here with us!