Wisdom from my walk

Attachment parenting: How would you define it? Well, after reading in our baby books about it, it seems it’s a form of parenting in which the baby is breastfed, co-sleeps with parents, in worn or carried a lot and is geniunely in control of having his/her needs met. Last night after our church group Dean and I were talking about how different we are about caring for Caleb than some other new couples in our group. One couple has a 3 month old and the other an 8 week old I believe. Everytime we meet the one couple barely takes their baby, the 3 month old, out of his car seat. They just let him stay put until he makes a big enough fuss. That blows me away! Especially since they both work so its their time with him, or it should be. The other couple holds their baby but still tends to put her in the play pen and neither couple bothers to check on their child that often. Meanwhile Dean and I are about joined at the hip to our son. The only thing we could think of is that both of those couples are older than us, they are in their 30s while we are still young 20s. The one couple has a son and the other this child is their first.

We don’t meet the definition in all of the baby books for parents that use the attachment style of parenting but I’d say we are very attached to our son. He knows us and we know his needs. He can tell when we are sad or upset. We can tell when he is not feeling well or if he’s ready to get up to sail across the house. I don’t like judging other parents, and do my best not to. But it bothers me so much to see these parents not use that time to bond with their child. I am with Caleb all day long yet I still have problems sharing him with Dean in the evening. When I worked sure I came home and was tired but I still longed to be with my son. I wish I knew what makes parenting so diverse, I mean how different can love be. I can only hope that we are raising our son up in a loving home where he knows he can trust us and that we’ll always be there for each other.

We don’t always carry Caleb in a sling but more often than not we try to if we are going to be doing other things so that he can be with us. That or we just be with him and not do those things. he loves it and we dont have to worry about him crawling around and getting into trouble. I hate to think that some people might think we spoil our son, but in reality we are just doing what feels right. It feels right to pick up our crying son and bring him to our bed if he cant fall asleep in his crib. It feels right to hold him and cuddle him when he could be down playing , because if he wanted to be playing he sure would not let us hold him! I always find it funny to read the baby books because if I am going seeking for advice or things to do with Caleb it usually ends up being pointless because the only suggestions I find are things I already do with him. Things I must just know to do as part of my maternal instinct. Maybe I’m just too in tune with my son, but I’d rather that then have him be lonely and unloved. Funny thing is, all of the loving and holding we do with Caleb, he still spends most of his time exploring and playing. He’s more independent than most babies I know, but then again we don’t let him sit in his car seat for hours on end just because………..

As interesting as Teletubbies is supposed to be for babies and toddlers, well it never fails to make Caleb fall asleep. The only thing I can think of is that it makes him sit and be still long enough for him to realize how tired he is. If we’re not watching tv he’s all over the house getting in to everything. But as soon as we sit to watch it or even sometimes other cartoons/kid shows (sesame street or jay jay the jet plane) he tends to get sleepy. He loves Jay Jay the Jet Plane for some reason. That and Elmo’s world seem to be his favorite things to watch, he can stay awake through those. If you can’t tell we tend to watch PBS alot, but mostly because that’s all we get. We don’t have cable and that’s the only show with good shows on for him during the day. He usually only watches one show a day, sometimes while changing or dressing him I’ll take him to our room to lay in our bed to watch while we get changed/dressed so that he wont squirm as much. Other than those times, like I said before, he’s all over the house. Unless we are feeding him or bathing him, we’re chasing him around the house. No wonder he’s not getting fat. He’s eats tons but he works so hard all day getting around it wears me out just keeping up with him. I could use a nap but I better take advantage and take a shower or I wont get one until Dean gets home.

Before I started working at the drs office in December Dean & I decided we would start to have separate checking accts. I’ve always been in charge of the checkbook and paying bills for us, for 4 years I’ve done so. But I never had it right on the dot when it came to matching my balance with the real balance, but who does? So Dean would have his to use and I mine. Dean is much better at these things, or much better at anything, if it involves the use of a computer, so instead of keeping a handwritten ledger he starting downloading the acct info into quicken. This made it hard for me since I am so used to using the check book. Not that I am opposed to change, but people have different learning styles, and money is hard enough to deal with let alone changing how you do your accounting majorly. So my acct was always w/in 10 cents of the acct balance, but our joint acct which Dean is in charge of, has been falling to shambles. Right now our quicken balance is negative yet we have money in our real acct. Today I printed out 4 months of statements from the internet and the statements from quicken to figure out what was wrong with it. I found 2 different dates of groceries in quicken but that never went through the bank. Now how often does the supermarket not take your money when they swipe your card? So only thing we can think is that maybe we used one of our other bank accts or charge accts for those transactions yet somehow it got recorded and taken out of the acct in quicken. Who knows. Point is, it’s annoying. We think we have money, I mean there’s not any checks uncashed out there and no pending credits/debits to the acct so the money they say is there must be, right? All I have to say is that we should have stuck with one acct and the paper ledger. I had no problem sorting it out today but then again I did print it all out and used a good old pencil to mark things off, there is something to be said for good old fashioned accounting.

The last few weeks, as I have been enjoying my stay at home mom status I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on things and especially things about our home and family. We didnt know if we’d be able to afford my not working, but it’s just now we are having money problems and they are mostly just problems figuring out what acct is being used when. When we lived in Ohio, we paid a measly $525 rent for a 2 bedroom townhouse and it was just Dean & I. Now we have Caleb, and a 6 bedroom house that we pay $800/ month for it( but once the paperwork goes through to buy the house it should be less). So the new expenses of a house, a baby, and a cost of living increase would have been enough to put us way behind on things but then cut it down to one paycheck and things should get scarcer right? Meanwhile we still manage to make it through, week after week. Blessing after blessing. If you visited our house you’d never know we weren’t doing well financially. The house is big to begin with then we have very nice furniture that was all given to us, but it’s so nice. Very expensive and it matches up to the standard of how well we’ve remodeled the house. So if you just saw our lives from the outside you’d think, for their age they sure have it together. But do we? Sure do. We get by. Caleb has toys, clothes, food, bed and many unnecessary items. We have what we need and we even splurged on a dvd player a month ago. Can’t help but wonder how we got this far. About five years ago I up and moved with just a few suitcases of clothes and little money if any at all to Ohio with Dean. Neither of us were holding jobs or had a place to live. I look around at our home and see our adorable son in his cute outfits, playing with tons of toys, amidst a newly decorated house with expensive furniture and can only be grateful for every blessing we have. I am starting to get mad at myself for buying Pepsi because we could just as easily enjoy a no name soda and save some money, but do we, no. We buy the best of the best, usually only on sale, but still. There are so many people so less fortunate than us. Day after day I am able to sit at home and play with my son while single moms struggle with 2 or 3 jobs and finding daycare. We’re not financially set in any way, like I said, we get by week after week, sometimes day by day, but we still have everything we need. For once we’ve established a savings acct, not much in it, but it’s enough for a week of groceries if need be. I hate to think we’ve been married so long and still have no savings or even a checking acct with enough money to spare, but why do we need it? Sure it would be nice to have more money and not have to worry about it, but then wouldnt we just spend it? I think it’s much easier to appreciate what you have when you dont have much to begin with.

I am doing so much better emotionally lately, probably due to the shift in weather. Who can be down when its a bright sunny day and you dont need a coat!? That and I think I’m beginning to accept this mom thing as my true calling, God gave us a son and who better to meet his needs than his mom. Caleb’s starting to get fussy with strangers, but not always. It comes and goes. But he’s also been very clingy with Dean & I. If I leave the room he starts getting fussy. Almost to the point I cant get much done, but then other times he’s content to play with his toys and doesnt even worry about where we are. Speaking of my angel, nap times over and so is mommy’s free time.

Caleb’s first tooth is coming out! I am so excited for him, the more teeth the more food we can give him. Plus now I am a little bit more compasionate about his recent fussiness!

I am so down and the dumps it’s affecting everything I do. I really needed Dean to come home yesterday I was so a mess, but he couldnt since he was off last week. I was able to get motivated enough to make sure everyone had dinner, so I made my first beef stew, well the slow cooker did all the work, but it turned out good. I was very grouchy by the time Dean got home, I had told him that when he did I was heading straight to bed but I never did. I had to finish all the homemaker things like laundry and dishes. Then Stacey wanted some chocolate chip cookies so I sent her for the ingredients and did my chores while I waited.

But during that time my dad called, the call I’d been dreading all day. He said the drs said his diabetes medicine is not working and so it has caused him a lot of problems, he still cant feel his feet and he said he has an eye dr appt on Friday because he is having trouble seeing. All of this scares me to death since I had an uncle who died from complications of his diabetes. And it all sounds so familiar. So I got off the phone and just wanted to cry but everyone was sitting in the living room so I went off to finish doing the laundry. I thought maybe if I kept myself occupied it wouldnt settle in that my dad is not doing well at all.

Then I forced myself to be civil to Dean and Stacey and I even made some cookies, although they didnt turn out like my cookies normally do, I guess I wasnt paying attention too much when I was making them, but they werent bad, just not the usual great cookies I make. So Stace was disappointed as was I at myself. I didnt get to bed until 11 and by then I was even more a mess. Dean tucked me in so he could watch tv and play on the puter, and as soon as he left I broke down in tears, I fell asleep that way. When I woke up I felt much better, but I am stil pretty depressed. There’s so much going on with my family and my health that its hard to focus on caring for the baby and Dean let alone myself. I cant wait til Saturday so Dean will be around so maybe I can get out by myself or at least get a time out.

I had to take Caleb to the dr, again. The dr said to try using a nebulizer, but since my appt was at 4:30 yesterday the place to go get the nebulizer was closed so our poor little guy had to suffer last night again. He sounds so miserable, even when he talks. So I’ll have to run out today to get it and hopefully that will help him breathe better. And Dean and I are still fighting whatever cold bug we’ve had for weeks. I think we all need a vacation. I am tempted to just take Caleb and go, but I dont where to. Plus that would mean I’d really be on baby duty all day long since I’d be alone with him. Dean doesnt have any time to take off but maybe I can plan a weekend trip somehow. I think that’ll be my motivation for today, if I dont have something to focus on I will stay in bed and poor Caleb wont like that.

How cute is he!!

Friends of ours said they like to take showers with their baby instead of giving him a bath. Dean and I tried it once last week but it was hard because I wasnt supposed to lift Caleb, but Dean was soaking wet and so was Caleb. Is there a way to do it with just one adult around? I like to give Caleb his baths in the morning and thats also when I like to take mine but I dont know how I could do it by myself, seems like you have to have a hand off person to get the baby dry and dressed.

Caleb loves playing in front of mirrors, it’s so cute when he sees me behind him and smiles. He’s just about about able to stand from any position. He has figured out how to crawl, sit from a crawling position, stand for a crawling position, and it’s not even like he struggles. You’ll put him down and not even a few seconds later he is on the move to do something. He’s so quick. I wish I had his energy! His favorite toys seem to be things that arent even toys and things that babies shouldnt play with. He especially like wires, like phone cord, computer wires, anything he can get wrapped up in while still chewing on it! I think he’s getting bored of sitting in his saucer, lately he doesnt want to be in it, he’d rather be standing up holding on to the outside of and playing with the toys from there or sitting under it! Gotta go capture him from his current adventure…..