Wisdom from my walk

Well, either I overworked myself, suprise suprise, or I finally got what everyone else had… but I am feeling horrible. Dean had a touch of some bug too but so far I’m the one feeling it worst, as usual. We didnt even go to the birthday party for which I worked so hard on the cake! we dropped off the cake and present and let Caleb run around at Chuck E Cheese for his first time w/ my nephew today then we all came home and crashed. I’m just rousing myself from bed, very reluctantly, and only because I’ve been trying to decide if I want to go get a haircut today. Earlier I decided I should wait on a haircut, not sure if it’s a hormonal thing causing me to want major changes but I’m about to cut it all off right now. I tend to do hair changes in shifts. I dyed my hair a week or so ago now, and hate it, well it’s growing on it, but I only dyed it so that I’d like it more, becuase I’m struggling w/ puttting up w/ my hair. It’s getting longer but my bangs are unruly and I dont know what to do w/ it. I know if I wait it out I’ll be able to just put all of my hair up and then I’ll be fine but if I chop it all off I’ll be happy now. Dean of course wants me to leave my hair alone, as most men, he wants me to have long hair. but he doesnt have to deal with it everyday all day long….blah….so it’s been a blah kind of a day….hoping tomorrow gets better….

And the results of today labor are: click on pic to enlarge

I am so proud of this cake. It’s probably my best work. I didnt stress over it and there were no major issues over which I wanted to give in and go buy a cake as were the cases when I’ve tried to do cakes before. So it was a great day, I am SOOO happy with how it turned out.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

After looking at a disgusting looking fish tank for long enough I figure I could take care of cleaning it myself instead of griping w/ Dean again that he needs to clean his fish tank. At first it wasnt so hard. Wouldnt be nearly so hard if I didnt have 2 toddler sized hands trying to help w/ everything! We finally managed to get it done and I’m feeling quite accomplished but now I know why Dean rarely wants to take on the tasks, but makes me wonder what on earth he’ll do with the bigger tank we’re getting. But now I know I can do it myself so guess theres no need to bother the king of the castle about it.

Should be working on decorating this today. but my head is killing me. Caleb’s friend is having a b-day party tomorrow and I’m the cake baker! I am happy to be! I havent taken on a cake like this since September though and I’m not feeling extremely confident but suprisingly I’m not at all stressed over it. I figure it’s a kids party who will really care. I mean it wil look good and it wont cost them any thing so it’s all good. I know if anything it’ll taste delish!!

Next weekend is valentines day and I havent a clue if we’re doing anything romantic or not and I dont have an idea of what to get the honey for a gift. All I do know is I wont get a card from him, never do for anything. I’m not bitter or anything. I know he cares, really. it’s just a card right? uh huh yeah whatever. just buy the darn thing already!

well my son is putting bubbles all over the tv set gotta run…..

Shew! Did I complain yet about how bad these headaches are getting??!?!? I had a Pampered Chef show scheduled for tonight but cancelled this past Wednesday because I hardly got any RSVPs and because of the weather situation, our road is still quite slippery. The way I’ve been feeling for the last two days, it was a good decision because I dont think I could have hosted the show tonight. I did end up w/ enough orders to count as a show though, so that helps. The greatest part was giving away the host benefits, I had planned on doing a drawing to see who would win the benefits of hosting which include points for free stuff and great discounts. the person who won was excited and said she never wins anything, I am glad she can pick out free stuff! If anyone wants to place a Pampered Chef order send me an email or even if you’d like to host a show. It could be as easy as gathering 6 or more orders from your friends and then enjoying the host benefits as a catalog show and you wont even have to have people over! You can look online at products or I can mail you a catalog. Well thats my plug! I love these products and am glad I can earn them for free or at great discounts by being a consultant! Just send me a email if you want to know more!!

The juror is in, or rather the doctors orders. I am going to try the Topamax again, it’s the med I was on before around Thanksgiving that helped me lose all the weight but made me crazy! But the hope is that taking it alone, as opposed to w/ the diamox as before, helps the side effects. I’m all for doing something to lose weight, but the point is we cant focus on getting pregnant right now. The headaches and spots are a lot worse this week, so I am almost ok with going back on meds. The dr said my eyes look fine, which is good news, but doesnt explain the spots I’m seeing. So I have to see the eye dr again, and I didnt like how the last appointment w/ him went, so I’m not quite looking forward to it. I’m feeling particularly bad today, not sure what the difference is, probably just because I didnt sleep well last night, due to all the stress. I’ve got another pressing health matter I’m worried about but dont want to talk about freely yet, I am hoping that after my drs appointments that I have for Monday wil help relieve alot of stress related to that matter and then I can hopefully talk about it, or at least can not stress so much about it. They’re calling for a huge wintry mess Sunday – Tuesday next week, I am so hoping it doesnt affect my doctors appointment. Luckily Dean will be home so I am hoping if the weather is bad he’ll drive me to my two appointments.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, we’re going to have a busy one, and hopefully it will be good too!

Well I did what I’ve been dreading, I called my neurologist and left a message saying my symptoms are worsening. I’m feeling in general better than I have been, but thats because a major part of why I was feeling so crappy before was the medicine. now it’s just a different kind of not feeling good, and even so , I dont always feel bad now. On the meds I almost always felt bad. Now I just have problems w/ my vison and headaches. Which is better than the list of ailments I had on the medicine. But this is more serious than before. This means my body needs the medicine to treat my condition, even if it causes me other problems. Not sure what the dr will say or recommend, I’m sure whatever he says will upset me. Heck, the receptionist, seeing as they all know me so well, asked, you stopped the medicine because you were going to try to get pregnant right? I said yes. She asked next, so are you pregnant now? I held back a tear and said no. She was very nice about it and apologized and told me it took her and hubby 2 1/2 years to get pregnant.l After I got off the phone w/ her though I was in tears. It’s only been 2 weeks since I saw the dr last, not like I could really be or know if I was preggo yet, but still, the fact is, we hadnt even started trying really yet because I have 2 drs appointments on monday that I was waiting to have before starting to try, but it is possible we could be pregnant now, but we didnt make a point of it, I didnt chart like I should have. and like I said, I wouldnt know it yet, it’s still kind of early. Plus I’m still on the one medicine that I need to stop and that process is supposed to start tomorrow, if I had been feeling well. I know, I’m sure this is way too much info for you, but I cant talk to anyone right now because my best friend is at work and Dean’s in training and cant be reached. Like I said I dont know what happens now, it might not be as bad I think it will be but theres no way for me to know. I guess I’ll go wait for the phone to ring…..just hope it doesnt wake up the slumbering kids!

Dean posted these pics of me from my senior year of high school. I find it hard everytime I look at old pics from high school. I used to believe I was overweight, a size 8 sometimes a 10, mostly due to my chest size not my stomach size. Looking at these pics I’d die to be that skinny again. I wouldnt know how to get back to that point other than starvation and excessive working out, and I dont have the energy for that. I feel horrible about my size and weight right now. I have for a while. Yet I still continue to eat like I do and dont have the energy to work out much and I know I’d need a gym membership to get me what I really need, but we dont have the money for it. So I guess I’ll have to look for a good work out video until we can afford a gym membership and cut out my carbs again soon. I hate to do it but I know it’s effective, or rather that cutting carbs works best for me.

Luckily my hubby is very supportive and tells me he loves how I look, granted I find it hard to believe that since it was my senior year of high school when he truly fell in love w/ me, and I know I was a different person then. I guess that’s what marriage and unconditional love it about, but I still struggle with it. I guess if I know I am unhappy about my weight than surely he is too. But he disagrees. Being stuck indoors w/ nothing to do but veg out in front of the tv w/ snacks isnt helping much, but I guess It’s my own fault for not getting off my ass and doing something. Maybe I’ll start running up and down the stairs while Caleb naps, that would be exercise right? Blah. I hate exercise. Not really, I just dont know how I’ll find time for it w/ Caleb let alone do it on my own. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

In other news, also spurring my ideas I need to watch my weight….. I’ve been off diamox since Friday and I am able to enjoy soda and foods again. Taste buds arent back 100% but I notice I am eating more. Which is bad. The worst part of being off the medicine so far is that the headaches and spots in my eyes are getting worse. I dont want to call the dr becuase then we’ll be back on the meds or at least putting off trying to get pregnant longer to see if it’s just adjusting to being off the meds. But I know it’s not good to jeopardize my vision either. I’ll wait a day or two more to see how I am feeling.

Well more snow is coming down, again. Gotta love winter, well not really, I do actually hate it. if it were a person, winter that is, I’d say they were unpredictable, chilling, suspenseful yet having a calming nature…well I was going somewhere w/ that, but my headache took away my current thought….i’ll try to be more inspired later….