Wisdom from my walk

If you would like to be notified via email when Baby B arrives please send me an email and I’ll make sure you get the info!!

I just realized I had comments on several entries that I hadnt known about. Last week Dean changed it so it doesnt email me when I get a comment so I didnt know I was getting any comments til today when I went back re-reading entries. So sorry if I didnt respond to anyone’s comments, I’ll try to get to that soon! I was getting at least 20 spam comments a day, and that’s after I stopped counting the ones I kept deleting so Dean set it up so it wont email me everytime. One day I had over 100 new emails and all were comments that needed moderated and all were spam comments. It was getting quite annoying so he just disabled the notify for me, so sorry! I’ll start checking on here to see if someone comments!

I am going to kill the dog, honestly and truthfully. Caleb and I went for a walk to the playground after nap and left the dog in the house. We were expecting a friend this evening to come over and help finish some projects in the basement but didnt know what time, so I thought I’d have time to go. We got back around 5 and our friend was waiting for us in the driveway, and he said the dog had been barking and having a fit the whole time. well he was right, when we got in the house I found she had torn my other good set of curtains up and there’s no way I can fix them this time and on the other window she destoryed the mini blinds we just fixed this weekend. Then she peed on the couch while we were coming in the house becuase she was so excited. To top it off I put her outside and when Dean got home about 10 minutes later she had gotten out of the yard and met him at the car. She hasnt acted like this since she was in heat so I dont know what her freaking problem is. if it wasnt so close to the baby arriving I would get rid of her tonight. but I’m afraid of how that will affect Caleb, I dont want him to think it’s because of the baby. but I am done putting up with the dog. I handled it well last time and that was suprising to me even, this time I am so tired and miserable the last thing I need is more stress right now. Anyone want a dog??!??!?!

37 weeks! oh my gosh I cant believe I’m really this far along and that our baby will be here in a week! Is it normal to feel crappy before going into labor because I’m hoping that’s what’s going on w/ my body. All I want to do is sleep but it’s been hard because I cant lay down without getting severely nauseas and/or having an upset stomach. well the upset stomach thing has been going on since Saturday night and is making keeping my sugar levels in range hard. I am pretty sure it’s not a bug just normal for me stomach stuff since it’s not constant and I’m still constantly hungry!

At my check yesterday I still wasnt anywhere closing to going into labor, that’s getting annoying! I feel crampy and have pressure whenever I”m up and about but when I go to the dr they make me lay down and rest and do the stress test and of course everything is normal. I went for a walk with Caleb yesterday hoping it would help move things along if I am indeed in some sort of pre-labor phase, but it only made me more tired and uncomfy! This morning I didnt roll my big belly out of bed til 10:30 since the boys are at preschool, and then only becuase I felt sick again. I am so ready to not be pregnant but I’m also so not ready to have the baby. Does that make any sense??

well my next drs appt is Thursday and I’m hoping that maybe since I’ve hit the full term mark they’ll consider doing something to jump start labor so I can maybe try it before my c-section but I doubt they will! They had said before that if I go into labor fine I can labor but they wont induce labor, dont know if that means they are against membrane stripping or else to increase my chances of a vbac earlier. Sure I’m probably nuts and should be happy it’s only a week away, but I really am afraid of the surgery and the closer it gets the more freaked out I’m getting. Ironically the thing I’m most afraid of right now is the epidural, one too many bad spinal taps, the last one being horrific has made me very frightened of my upcoming epidural. i’d almost prefer being put to sleep but that would mean I would miss out on the chance to meet my baby for the first time. So basically, I’d rather labor w/out meds then have to get an epidural, yep folks, I must be insane! sure they arent all that bad and I did fine w/ calebs but my last few rounds in the hospital w/ needle sticks and spinal taps were truly horrible experiences and I’m not ready yet for another planned entry to the hospital for all the same kind of stuff plus a major abdominal surgery. sure I know I dont have much choice, the kid has to come out somehow and my pelvis is too small for his head so theres really not much I can do. I guess I should be greatful that I’ll be highly drugged and with any luck I’ll get a really good dr to do the epi. So as I sit here waiting the week out all I can do is wait and worry, I know I should be more positive and really I am being much more positive then some people around me about this pregnancy but somehow the knowing what is going to happen in a week is completely screwing with my mind.

well I am going to get a little housework done before the boys get back. I probably wont update again til Friday, my appt is in the afternoon thursday so I probably wont get around to any posting til late Thurs or Friday. or if I”m lucky I’ll be going to deliver the baby then!

have I mentioned how much I really want to decorate for christmas like now??? the other hell of preganncy is nesting and I want to do so much but everytime I do a lot my bp gets high and my body gets all goofy, and the hubby wont concede to help me with the christmas stuff. anyone want to come over and help me spruce up the place for the holidays!?! every other year I’ve pretty much done it myself, but this year theres no way I can so it’s quite disheartening. I also want to get the carpets steam cleaned and well I dont think that’s going to happen either so so much for my grand to do list. it’s not fair that our bodies and minds make us go crazy during pregnancy and makes us crave things we cant have, it’s like the whole world is against us! I mean a little cookies and cream ice cream wont hurt me and the baby right? especially as I watch Dean and Caleb so innocently eat some. Meanwhile I am stuck w/ low carb made w/ splenda ice cream that still made my blood sugars spike which made my dr chew my out yesterday. blah! You should have seen my sugar levels Saturday night after a bonfire where I ate smores, no wonder I was up sick all night! I didnt think much of it, and should have heeded a friends warning that marshmallows are pure sugar but I couldnt help myself. it was sooo good. I’ll be so glad when I can eat normally again or at least not have to watch everyone else eat and can choose to eat snacks or not based on what I want not what I cant have. So this has turned into one great whining entry so I’ll stop boring you.

Also if one more person asks me how many more days when I just told them 2 or 3 days ago I’m going to choke someone! Ok it’s not that bad, but you’d be suprised how people we’ve told over and over again that the c/s is next wed the 24th cant count the days or keep saying that the baby will be here the day after thanksgiving……ok I’m not really that upset about it, just wanted to say that I never felt this way w/ my first pregnancy. but Dean and I decided last night that its because we didnt have as many friends around that we see several times a week to keep asking us about the baby. I dont mind it really, it was just after an uneventful appt yesterday the last thing I wanted to talk about was how I could go into labor any time now when I know darn well the chances of that happening are slim to none. but while it’s a little annoying to keep talking about it, it’s also neat to see how excited all of our friends are for us and the baby. that’s something I dont remember at all the first time. sure people were excited about Caleb but there are friends we have now who I know are just as excited about Baby B being here next week as I am, I cant say I remember having as many friends waiting so expectantly with us with Caleb. so it’s cool but also a little annoying, I mean be excited for us and all cause it helps me stay excited just dont drive me nuts, well at this point I think everything is driving me nuts so nevermind. just keep asking how I am and I’ll indulge you because one day I’ll have the chance to bother you too! so the countdown is down to single digits and the nursery is finally complete, minus a few things, say curtains would be nice and we should have them ready soon, but other than that we’re good to go and are in full waiting for baby mode.

speaking of babies, I hear Dabrettman is expecting his this morning, which came as a complete suprise to me since I dont ever remember reading that his wife was expecting, dude how can you go months without mentioning it??? then I thought about it and Dean doesnt really write about it either, men. we get to do all the hard work or pregnancy and all they do is get the fun first 5 or 10 minutes of creating the kid. well that and financially support us of course! well congrats brett and make sure you post pics or something vaguely mentioning details.

I’m starting to get really upset about my sugar levels. The dr on Wednesday asked me to start checking my sugar through the night, we were hoping it was getting low during the night meaning I’m taking too much insulin at night and then they’d start decreasing my insulin. but….of course that’s not the case. Through the night my levels are still high and when I wake up they are higher than they were through the night. It makes no sense to me. There’s nothing I can do to fix it so I dont know what the dr will say today. I’ve got a week and a half left til I deliver and my fasting sugars have been high since I was diagnosed w/ diabetes. With my first pregnancy my sugars were controlled very well at this point, which is frustrating because they have me on different meds this time round and I cant help but think that if they used the other meds I’d be fine right now. Meanwhile the baby is going to suffer from the high sugar levels and I doubt my levels will be under control before he arrives which wont be good for him. I’m so afraid when I deliver he’s going to have sugar problems. It’s very upsetting to know there’s something wrong and that my baby is in danger and there’s nothing I can do for him. I am supposed to call the dr in this morning to let them know my sugars for the last two days, I’m really not looking forward to it as the dr has seemed very dismissive and I am worried how the baby is doing.

the placenta is deteriorating some or so the u/s tech said yesterday, she said it’s not too bad yet but that in the last week there has been more of a breakdown of it, so I know that’s not a good thing. It wont get checked again til next Thursday and that’s a long time, so I’m hoping that the dr today makes a decision that will finally help my fasting sugars or at least will request that the baby be checked again sooner via u/s. All I know is this is getting quite depressing and I cant wait for Nov. 24th!

I’m feeling much better today about my weight, I lost 2 lbs of that 6 I gained the other day! So thats better! Baby B is doing great as usual. He seems huge and his movements are slowing down, he seems to running out of room! My mom went w/ me today so she could see the u/s, that was fun, caleb was w/ us too. He did really good and behaved the whole time, even while sitting in the waiting room while I got my non stress test. Still no contrax showing up, which really is annoying me! All morning when I wasnt resting I had intense pressure and thought for sure I’d have contrax show up on the test, but since I only get the pain when I am not reclining the test of course showed nothing. We’re under the 2 week wait now which is great but I’d still like to think there’s hope I could go into labor naturally before the c/s.

The house is finally getting to be at a point where I feel a little better about the baby coming so soon, but that’s for the moment, I’m sure at 11 pm tonight as I lay in bed I’ll be worrying about something else that needs done! Well it was an uneventful day and I got some rest for once. Tomorrow will be another story, the only day this week I wont have help w/ Caleb and then tomorrow night our church is having a harvest dinner. I’m glad since I’ll miss out on Thanksgiving dinner at home since I’ll be in the hospital, so tomorrow night will be my thanksgiving dinner. everyone brings a dish or dessert and a few people make turkeys. it’s going to be great!

This time last year I was recovering from meningitis. thats so hard to believe. We thought because of the meningitis and the return of my pseudo tumor symptoms from it, we were thinking we’d have to put off having another baby for a long time. We actually were talking about not being able to have any more children and talking about other options. Here it is a year later and amazingly we are weeks away from meeting our new baby boy! God really does work miracles! I cant believe that a year ago I was struggling with such a major illness and at the time couldn’t see how I’d ever get better. I had to rely on help w/ Caleb non stop from other people and it was very challenging. Ironically I’m dealing with some of those same issues now but it’s a lot easier since I’ve had to do it before. it’s been a reflective week for me and I am trying to not get all emotional thinking about it, but it’s hard when you are so very pregnant! It’s been an interesting and very challenging year and I look forward to seeing what amazing things will happen in our family in the next year!

How do you make yourself stay in bed and rest when all you want to do is get the house ready for baby? It’s very hard for me! Dean is working his first day at the preschool today so I’m home alone for a few hours. I was up when they woke up so I ate breakfast and figured it was pointless to go right back to sleep since I’d have to check my sugar in an hour, so I used that hour to let myself do some housework. After that hour I checked my sugar and for once the house looks a little better then I crashed. I slept for about an hour and then got up and showered and all of that good stuff. Now I’m waiting for the boys to get home for lunch then we’ll have to take Dean to work.

we had a late night last night, Caleb wasnt in bed until around 11:15 pm! So he was tired this morning so I’m hoping after we do lunch and take Dean to work we’ll come home and get a good nap in. Then it will be almost time for Dean to be home again! What a day! I really do much better when I’m not taking care of Caleb on my own and even better if I’m not taking care of him at all. So now I’m feeling pretty good, just really tired still. But if I try to do anything but rest all day I tend to feel pretty crappy. So I’m glad this week I’ll be getting time to rest almost every day. I think the only day I wont have help is Friday so that’s not too bad. Well it’s almost time for the boys to be back, I’m hoping Dean isn’t too worn out!