Wisdom from my walk

What do you do when you are stressed out? Me, I bake or clean. Cleaning is too physically demanding right now(heck walking has been painful lately) so I chose to bake. Caleb and I made these snickerdoodles today(with the exception that it says to not use cake mix w/ pudding but I did anyway) and they were sooooo yummy! The best I may have ever had!

despite my entry yesterday last night it hit me hard, this waiting game, i think things are just worse for me now because our car is still in the shop and I’ve been stuck at home since yesterday morning and we may get the car back today but not til 6 ish so I’m stuck here all day. So here we are, baking cookies and doing crafty things. I did call my drs office moments ago and was told the results werent there yet but they should be today or tomorrow. She reminded me that he would call me as soon as he got them, and this I knew but thought for sure the results would be ready already. Guess I’m used to blood work being back so quick, MRI’s are a longer process as someone literally has to read them and write about it then log it then send it to the dr. I knew this but I’m getting more worried every day. I do trust this dr, which is good because I dont really like doctors, but I’ve been seeing this dr for long enough that I know what to expect from him. And it was silly of me to to call but i had to call them about my referral anyway so I figured I’d ask if the results were in! God please give me patience! I dont know what to expect when the call comes and that’s making it harder, not knowing what comes next. I’m a planner and this is messing w/ my head!

the car is going to cost about $220 and that may not even fix it! Dean’s looking into getting a home equity loan to make house repairs and get a new car so we’ll see where that takes us. well Caleb thinks I should be paying attention to him…gotta run….

Last week it really hit me that we need a mini van. And most of my reasonings for this need are not selfish, my biggest reason for wanting/needing one is because there are people I could help out more if I had a minivan. I can babysit others children but if I do so I cant go anywhere w/ all of them, and last week that meant I had to not go anywhere or rush around making my friends wait for me to get back from taking Caleb to school because two infant car seats and a booster seat wont all fit in our back seat. I watched the same infant yesterday and my friend had to take a cab to work because the kids wouldnt all fit in our car! So while it’s nice to be able to keep up w/ the Jones’s I’m not desiring a van for that, I’m desiring it so I can help others! I feel like I could be more useful if I could get out and take my friends w/ kids places when they cant take themselves. I used to be able to do this before Bo but now I cant since our car isnt big enough.

So Dean and I have been talking about this, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot, esp. as I’ve been babysitting a lot in these last few weeks, I’m even babysitting today and because of that I cant take Caleb to preschool. So amidst this talk and thinking about new cars we started to realize something was wrong w/ our car, which I really do love. I love our car, it’s the nicest car we’ve ever owned, and we dont have a car payment now since we paid it off when we refinanced on our mortgage. The car is acting and sounding bad, it’s not an old car really and has been reliable, more so than any of our previous cars. But our extended warrranty is expired now, of course! So Dean dropped the car off at the shop(did I mention how hard this is to do when you have only one car to begin with!) and so far the thought is that it’s transmission problems. We’re praying it’s not. I told Dean we might be better off just trading it in towards a van if it is really going to cost a lot to fix, as we dont have any money to fix it as is. we’re some of those crazy folks w/ no savings accts and no credit cards for emergencies! it has kept us from going farther into debt(the no credit card thing) but the no savings makes these type of things super stressful. So as I sit at home today w/ the kids and no car at all and wait for drasted MRI results still I am hopefull that something amazing is going to happen in our lives very soon.

How can I be so hopeful right now, mostly because I’m constantly reminded of how blessed we always are. When the money gets tight I get asked to babysit(and get paid), it is always a wonder to me how the timing of that always is so perfect. Preschool has ended so that’s extra money a month starting next month which is great! we have only about $400 left in credit card debt to pay off, in the last two years we’ve paid off all of our debt but this amt(and the medical expenses from having Bo but I dont count those, I pay the hospital bills after we pay everything else, they can wait for their money!) In the last year Dean’s got amazing raises in pay that we know are complete blessings and we know we’d be struggling w/out these raises, especially w/ the baby and now more health problems w/ me that means $25 copays when I go see my two specialist. (which adds up very quickly!) I admit I’m scared, I’m worried, but somehow I’ve got a peace. I know that for me this is a gift because when I stress it affects everything in my life, right now I’m handling it all well considering. (although if I have one more dream w/ my neurologist that involves test results I may never want to sleep again!) So today we wait, something I’m getting used to. What can I do but wait, nothing. I’ll play w/ the kids and enjoy the nice weather(while I continue to take tylenol every 4 hours like clockwork to dull my pain!) this is all just another test and I’ll be darned if I let it get to me. As my strong hubby always says, we’ve always got by and I know God always provides, today will be no different. Please pray for us as we wait for news and then as we have to make big decisions about that news. Like I said I’m sure this means something big is on the horizon for us, we’re doing something right and someones trying hard to deter us from our path…but we will not be shaken!!!!!

This is just life and sometimes it gets hard.

(PS) please if one more person asks me about my MRI results before the dr calls I think I might have a little not so nice chat w/ you!!! sorry it’s hard to wait patiently when the world keeps reminding you what you’re waiting for! ok, so maybe I’m not doing so great at waiting, but for me it’s really better than it could be!! gotta run the boys need me!!! sorry for rambling!

Yesterday I had my MRI done. I was expecting to have to get the contrast injection but when I asked about it I was told the dr didnt write it on the order so they couldnt do it. She said if the radiologist who reads the results thinks they need to do one w/ contrast they’ll let my dr know and he’ll order another MRI. The best part of this, even better than not having to get an injection, is that I didnt have to stop nursing after the test!!! I am happy and it was so nice not having to stop nursing cold turkey. So once again we’ve bought ourselves some more time til we have to stop nursing. I’ve been trying to pump more and give Bo more bottles to prepare him for the weaning process as I think we’ve been given one too many chances to not have to stop so I’m planning on after his 6 month birthday to start weaning him from nursing. It may be sooner pending what happens w/ the MRI results but for now that’s my plan. I feel so blessed to have been able to nurse him this long, it was a true gift and a bond I never had w/ caleb. i will miss nursing but I am also ready to have my body back. I am just glad we didnt have to end it badly, as I thought we would have to.

So now we wait for my test results. I’m trying to keep busy so I wont think about it and it’s working, mostly. Speaking of busy, Bo needs me! hope everyone has a good weekend!

Bo loves his $2 yard sale toy! He showed me as much by sitting up alone playing w/ it for quite a while!

Found Bo sleeping like this today when I went to check on him as he was napping, suprisingly he’s sleeping longer like this than he did this time yesterday on his back so maybe he’ll be a belly sleeper. it’s cute but I keep worrying w/ his wheezing that he’ll have trouble breathing like that, so I keep checking on him!

Dont know how much longer to expect the boy to nap since he’s almost 4 but I’ll take what I can! He and Boaz are actually asleep in the same room right now and in the other two bedrooms there are two other sleeping kids. I guess keeping them all outside most of the day is just what they need to get in good naps

I’d post more pics but I’m not feeling so hot right now. Dean is out cutting the grass, he’s off today so he could work in the preschool this morning. So both of us are sneezing our heads off, not to mention I”m a little shaky again today. I just called the endo’s office about my test results she said they didnt have them and she just called back and said neither labcorp or quest had any tests from last week. Argh…she’s calling them back to see what is up. I will be so mad if I waited all these days and they lost the blood and results, it was at least 5 vials of blood because two different drs ordered lab tests and they couldnt put it all in one request….I am a LITTLE frustrated. but at least my dr’s not the one sitting on the results and not calling me, there were no results to call me about! Oh well….we’ll see what happens but I will not be a happy camper if this requires me going to get more blood drawn this week which really would mean before my MRI because apparently the contrast from the MRI messes up your thyroid lab results so I’d have to get that redone before then or wait til next week to get the bloodwork done again. What a mess!!!

I need to apologize for something I’ve been doing to my readers and even to those blogs I read. It’s probably not a big deal but last night I”m doing it more and more frequently. over the last few weeks I’ve found myself taking time to write entries and instead of posting them I just save them as drafts here so there’s a few posts sitting that you havent read and I doubt I’ll go back and publish any of them. I’ve also found myself reading others blogs and writing out comments on people’s post and then decide not to and instead of posting the comment I just shut the window and the comment goes away never to be read by anyone. Why I am doing this you ask? At first it was simply because I changed my mind. The second time was because I felt my writing was unimportant. but I think I’ve figured out the real reason.

I am losing my ability to communicate clearly. It may be the fact that I spend all day w/ kids and therefore dont get much time to really communicate well all day. The truth though is I fear it’s got something to do w/ whatever is making me sick now. Not only is my writing suffering but several times lately I’ve stumbled across my words out loud as well. I’d best describe it as I’m started stutterering. That’s the best way I can describe it, but I’ll start to talk and I’ll get tongue tied but most imporantly I’ll forget what point I was even trying to make because my words get so hard to get out. I cant do much to hide the outward audible occassions of this but I’ve started sheltering myself online so that I dont write incoherently someplace where it might matter, where someone would realize I’m losing it. So here I am admiting to you what is going on. So when I act like you should know something because I posted about it here well just call me on it because chances are I did write about it here, but it never got posted on the webpage itself. This is very saddening to me….I feel like I just cant get out what I want to say and it’s not so bad because the webpage isnt necessary just a nice way to keep my friends in the know about my life. but it’s the everyday communication problem that’s starting to really bother me. I’m hoping to hear from my dr today or tomorrow about my labwork and I hate to have to tell him I think I’m having more problems but I’m also afriad if I dont tell him that it would hurt his figuring out what is wrong with me. So there it is…I just felt bad for what I’ve been doing and forgive me for not commenting or posting as much as I’d like.

Well it was pretty much a day like any other around here. We went to church then home for lunch and the boys went to the park while I went to the grocery store(Bo was w/ me) . Caleb napped while Bo refused to. As soon as we got Bo asleep Caleb was awake! Then my mom came over for dinner, we had veggie lasagna! mmmm! Yesterday while I was at the baby shower Dean and Caleb went shopping and got me a storage ottoman. I love it! Now I have a place to stow all the baby and kiddo toys that get strewn over the living room floor! None of our closets have doors so when guests are coming there’s no quick place to throw things to make it look cleaned up. Now I at least have a little space for the “junk” I was suprised at the gift since I didnt really expect much, but it was perfect.

we’re spending the evening catching up on laundry, well I admit Dean’s done most of the putting away of laundry today which is a huge gift in itself. I hate doing laundry anymore. I can never get caught up, there’s always more that either needs cleaned or put away. I used to be able to keep up so easily now I’ve almost given up. I went from doing laundry almost every day to maybe trying to get it all done once a week, which ends up meaning we spend all weekend working on putting it away only to have to restart the process. I really dread laundry!

Dean and I hit a few yard sales(w/ kids in tow) yesterday. I got some good deals, including 3 unused pampered chef products for a total of $4, the classic batter bowl, a microcooker and a round baker stone. I was thrilled w/ those purchases. I got some great baby toys on sale too that we never had for Caleb as a baby so that’s fun. it’s funny because Caleb likes to play w/ the baby toys as much if not more than Bo does right now.

well I need to get to work on that laundry before I fall asleep sitting here! Hope everyone had a happy mothers day! Mine could have included a few less chores but oh well, thus is the life of a mother!

Beach baby cake – for Baby shower of Parents who love the beach!

beach baby cake again

My cousin’s wife’s baby shower is tomorrow. They are having a laua type baby shower so they wanted a beach type cake. I love how it turned out. My mom picked out the flamingos and a baby to go w/ it but I didnt think it went together so I found the stork w/ the baby. It would have been great if we could have found a tiny flamingo as the baby but this still looks pretty good considering. I really like the water effect, it’s piping gel, something I never used til now. I saw it at a cake store in clear a few weeks ago and thought it would be pefect for this cake and turns out it is! So I’m happy and the best part this cake didnt take long to decorate. It took longer to bake and clean up than to decorate which is fine w/ me!