Wisdom from my walk

Happy 7 months boaz!! he showed me just how big he is getting, I caught him standing up holding onto his crib railing all by himself!! well gotta run…just wanted to blog the moment!!

I’m so very glad it’s Friday. I just wish it was Saturday. I have awoken every day feeling worse and worse. I went to the dr on Wednesday for part of my symptoms and was given an antibiotic. I started it Wednesday before bed and all day yesterday was sick from it. I feel horrible. I’ve had a headache every morning too but it tended to go away. Today’s headache is getting worse and we have no tylenol or any kind of headache relief in the house. Dean loves me and is coming home early. I feel horrible and I wish he was here now. I was actually in tears I felt so bad earlier. Sounds like it’s going to be a fun weekend huh? Debating to call my dr back and see what is going on, I shouldnt be feeling this bad, unless of course my thyroid is acting up again and being sick doesnt help.

I managed to babysit all day yesterday and then we had a dinner to go to . So I was out of the house til 10 last night, I’m sure that didnt help. I almost called my friend yesterday and told her to come home but I hung in there. I figured I’d be home w/my two kids or there w/ the 4 of them, there at least Caleb had someone to play with. Bo refused to nurse all day since he wasnt familiar w/ the setting. he took two bottles yesterday. I’ll probably give him bottles today too since I havent been able to eat or if I do I get sick so I’m sure he wont get very good milk from me. well gotta run. just had to whine….havent done so in a while, figured you wouldn’t mind! 😉

Woke up feeling tired. Went to the library w/ the kids, still extremely tired. Came home barely got us lunch and Bo nursed before I was able to convince caleb to nap earlier than usual. Bo for once slept at the same time as Caleb, mostly anyway. I was out as soon as I laid down, I was probably asleep before Caleb even. Bo woke up shortly after to nurse since he fell asleep mid feeding earlier…so I went back to sleep until the phone rang and woke us both up. I really need to start turning it off during nap times. Today was the first day I’ve napped in forever. Too bad I still awoke exhausted if not feeling worse than before. Dont know if it’s a result of having watched the kids all day yesterday and running all weekend, or the fact that I havent been able to sleep for more than 5 hours a night for almost a week now. Or best chances all of the above plus my thyroid since I’m feeling crappy overall. I’m wiped out though. I would love to just sleep all day but it’s so nice out and I’ve got plans this evening.

My son is so funny, well they both are but right now Caleb’s in his room singing Happy Birthday…to Curious George. At the library we got a Curious George book about his suprise birthday party. He is saying “curious” funny and it’s so dang cute. Right now he’s flipping pages and “reading” to Boaz. He’s a great big brother, when he’s not standing on Bo or picking him up to help him sit or stand….he really is helpful, MOST of the time!

bo will be 7 months old this week. he’s pulling up on things to try and stand. He’s almost crawling. he can get from sitting to just about anywhere he wants via scooting his butt or by getting down into a crawling position and squirming or rolling. caleb walked when he was 9 months old, I have no doubt Boaz wont do the same, if not sooner. Bo seems a bit more mischevious than Caleb was at this age, but not by much. Caleb was a climber and early mover which meant he’d get into all sort of things…at 7 months Bo is no different. Oh the neatest acheivement for Bo, he ate pizza yesterday. he gummed that peice of pizza until it was gone! it’s was cute and man was he mad when he didnt get more!

well gotta tend to the troublesome twosome….yeah that’s my boys…I cant imagine what it will belike when Bo can help Caleb in his adventures and troubleemaking…..right now Bo is calebs troublemaking….you’d have to see them to understand. I never thought they’d bond so much so quickly but these boys sure do love each other, for now at least.

The emergent layer of the rainforest is a layer of trees stretching 50 to 60 meters above the forest floor. These trees thrust their leafy heads above the canopy layer and are the homes to many creatures. These trees are spread out very thinly with only one or two emergent trees in every acre of forest and are drenched in direct sunlight. When these giants fall after being weakened by old age or disease they create a wide clearing, known as the tree fall gap, allowing the sunlight to reach the smaller trees below them. These smaller trees will grow taller and eventually replace the emergent layer.

I’m sure there is a great analogy here to be made for those among the Emergent “conversation”. The other day while at a FLUMPA presentation at the library they explained the layers of the rainforest and when she said Emergent my ears perked and I looked around as if she’d said something odd. Guess it was just odd to hear it as she danced with a giant green frog! If I wasnt so tired I’d go into how I think we could use this to describe those amongst the Emergent communities ….maybe I’ll leave it up to those who are better at that type of thing. but Im sure there’s a great comparison to be made for those out there who are into that kind of thinking…

This guy is really trying to fill a void in his life. I’m amazed though because he states he’s a Christian and he doesnt believe in divorce. How much can you expect a relation to last til death do us part when you find the person via these means? I mean yes there is a chance you’ll find “love at first sight” but still. I’d love to know the percentage of divorce among people who have mail order brides, meet through “dating” companies and the like. I know it’s been said that Christians divorce more than non Christians. It’s a sad truth since we are the ones who should firmly not believe in divorce. A week or two ago my mom went to court to finalize her divorce, her second divorce. Children from families of divorced parents tend to get divorced or their marriages are unstable. Your marriage tends to reflect that or the people you were raised with. I strive hard to not be like that, and my biggest fear is that I will be that way because it’s “in” me. I am scared of losing my husband although I know he’s nothing like the 2 men my mom married. He’s so far from what my father was like it’s probably the only reason we survive. I know if I didnt have this loving man as my hubby then I’d probably be headed to the road for divorce too. So I guess I know the statistics are against me but I’ve got to have at least as good a chance of staying married til death do us part as that guy will when he finds his wife.

Dont want anyone to think my marriage is in danger or that we’re having issues, really we’re doing great. Yesterday Dean found a bunch of old pics from years ago, pre kids pics from theater jobs we worked and our church groups. Every one has a fond memory. I love my husband and he’s taught me so much about so many things. He’s helped me grow and change into who I am today. Not sure what I’ve done for him all these years, but I know he does “complete” me. It’s just deep down the fears plague me of losing him because of what happened with my father when I was growing up. I know these fears shouldnt affect me but sometimes they do. I’m being honest, Dean knows this is how i feel and he hates that I cant trust him. Truth is I do trust him, I think it’s more me I dont trust. I dont trust myself to not push him out of my life or to not be overbearing or basically not to ruin this great relationship we have. I’m afraid of me. I’m not talking about cheating, I’m talking about being the woman I dont want to be. I want to be the “perfect” wife and I know it’s impossible and I know that Dean doesnt expect that. but still, I know these fears are in me and I know I have to deal with them. But being able to look back at our life together and our marriage and these two great kids we have, I know now that the chances of lasting at least another 7 years are pretty good. My parents divorced when I was 6, I guess for me knowing that we’ve been married almost as long as they were scares me. I think getting past our 10 year wedding anniversary will help me feel more confident but I know now that I’m much more confident in our marriage simply because of how wonderful my husband is. So while the statistics may be against me as our my life experiences that cause me to act the way I do toward my marriage, it can still be amazing if you pick the right person. I’m blessed to have picked the love of my life and I wouldnt have it any other way. I love you honey and thanks for putting up with me and my insecurities!

We’ve been busy visiting w/ my mother in law for almost a week now. Before she got here last Friday we, Dean, the boys and I went to Port Discovery. MIL was waiting for us when we got home. Saturday she took the boys for about 5 hours to Milford Mill swim club while Dean and I went to a wedding, it was the longest we’d been away from Boaz! I was a nervous wreck and missed him a lot! Sunday we had church and our church picnic. Monday the boys, I and MIL went to Sesame Place. Tuesday was spent at the library for a special story time then in the evening we swam at the Y. Today we went to the preschool meetup at the park then to Chuck E Cheese. So it’s been very busy around here, yet relaxing.

Amidst all of this Boaz has taken a strange change in his eating habits. He took a bottle while out on Friday. He took 2 bottles while away from me on Saturday. I dont remember about Sunday. he took one bottle on Monday and wanted more! Today he’s had 3 bottles! I think he’s given up on nursing. For weeks, ok almost a month I’ve needed/wanted to stop nursing but couldnt get him to take a bottle. For almost a week now he’s not only taken a bottle but taken one instead of nursing. I’ve tried to nurse and he’d not be interested or he’d start nursing and get frustrated. I guess I should be glad he’s weaning himself but I wonder what’s wrong w/ my milk that he wont nurse. I’m glad I guess to be free, today he only nursed in the morning a little this afternoon. I thought the hardest time nursing would be before bed but he just proved me wrong and toke 7 ounces of formula. The hardest part is I dont know how much formula he should be getting. I’m going to call the pediatrician in the morning to see how much he should be getting since he’s decided he’d rather have a bottle than nurse. i dont know why I’m so torn about this, I guess it’s just sad because it’s an end to something that was special between Boaz and I. I never got to nurse Caleb so it was nice. I am happy that he’s decided to take a bottle, I just wish I wasnt so emotional about it! Well Dean and I are hoping to get out a movie tonight since MIL leaves tomorrow morning. I’m babysitting all day tomorrow so I almost want to stay and go to bed instead. well gotta run and deide what we’re doing tonight.

Ok I know it’s been a few days since a gripe about my health. I am struggling daily w/ the same symptoms and sometimes even new ones. It’s hard and although I dont complain I am still having a hard time. My friend today mentioned that i never complain. I guess that at this point there’s no point in it, or rather I know it’s not going to help me feel any better to think more about it and vocalize it. Some days I can just ignore how I feel and go on. Today is not one of those days. I”m tired stressed and feeling crappy. Now you know, thanks for asking! 😉

It probably doesnt help that my to do list today is long and I am already worn out. I know it will get done and if not I really dont care anymore. All I really care about right this minute is listening to Caleb make Bo laugh hysterically. Bo’s been fussy for a day or two now, thinking he’s finally going to cut a tooth. So Caleb was napping and I was trying really hard to get things done w/ a fussy baby. Now that Caleb’s awake he’s keeping Bo occupied. I came in the room from putting a load of laundry in and Caleb said he was babysitting Bo. It’s too cute! He’s such a great big brother, most days! 😉 but now I have to run…Bo is getting bored….