Wisdom from my walk

Had my latest visit with my neurologist today. I didnt expect much knowing he wasnt doing much to dx my problems before let alone now that I’m pregnant I knew he’d be limited in what he could test for. Sure enough I was right. He was planning, before I got pregnant to do another MRI to check again for MS. Apparently we (dean and I) are not wrong for suspecting that that’s what this is, and the dr said he’s considered it as a diagnosis but it’s a hard thing to diagnose and my last MRI was normal. Thus he’d need another one to compare it to. So the new plan, same as the old one, wait it out. I know from my research that a diagnosis of MS can take years to attain and I’m not wanting that diagnosis, but I still hate waiting to find out something. The plan is to get another MRI after I deliver this baby. Unless of course my symptoms worsen then he’ll risk doing one during the pregnancy. the other thing he will do is a spinal tap, which he knows I will fight against having. So it was a waste of an appointment really, the plus is I dont have to waste any more money on co pays to see him to he can do more, after the baby arrives.

Cant believe I didnt mention it, Deaner is home!!! He got in around 4:35 pm yesterday after riding a greyhound bus for about 24 hours, about 2 hours of waiting in between stops, so about 26 hours total trip (approx.) He’s at work today suffering from dealing with a lazy coworker who called out to spite him I am sure. She does this, if he’s been out, no matter if it’s legit or not, the day she knows he is back she calls out. It makes me so angry. If Dean hadnt called her yesterday to tell her he’d be back I’m sure she would have been in today and would have called out tomorrow. Argh I really dont like her, and it takes a lot for me not to like someone. So Dean’s suffering from being tired on top of a lot of work stress today, he’s even probably going to have to work late, Dean never works late. I am glad he’s home but I wish he was HOME. Overall things are going well.

Tomorrow during the day i’m going to help organize donations to send to Hurricane Katrina victims, i.e. personal hygiene items, and baby items like diapers, formula, pacifiers. I’m glad I can finally do something to help. The church emailed a list of things they need donated and I hit the dollar general store today and got a lot of stuff really cheap since we can really afford to give much but this way I can give a lot with a little bit of money. I’ll feel better when I can actually be involved in the helping, as much as I can that is. our church sent a team of 6 people down to work w/ CIA, they left Sunday evening. I’m glad our church is being so involved and that we can be a part of such a great giving community.

Dean should be home sometime this evening, I cant wait! I’m glad he was able to go serve the Katrina victims and I do feel selfish needing him home but I’m so tired and ready to see him again. A friend called last night to offer assistance and I told her no. As I sat there feeling bad, and had to take some meds that made me more tired and on the verge of tears I called her back asking her to take Caleb to the park so I could get Bo settled and in bed. It worked out great and I was able to get in bed a little earlier than we had been for the last few days. My mom is coming today to stay with the kids so I can go get Dean at the bus station, I want to do it alone becuase it’s easier as well so we can have a little time alone before he sees the kids and we get back to a more normal routinee.

The day is dragging on and I’m so tired already, it’s not even lunch time yet. I was thinking of getting out to chuck e cheese so caleb could have fun but I hate to waste money that way. I’m too tired to walk the kids to the park but I probably will do it anyway. well caleb is terrorizing his brother, again, so gotta run! pray Dean’s bus gets in on time, it was running late when it left Alabama. If all goes well he’ll be home for dinner tonight! I am soooo excited!

Another down in the dumps kind of day, the only plus is Bo hasnt thrown up anymore but he’s still fevered. I thought Dean would be on his way home this morning and turns out they had no real plans to get him home. Someone drove him to a bus station today, he had to drive 2 hours in the bed of a truck w/ a blanket over his head to keep from getting sunburned to be dropped off to catch a greyhound bus that wont get him home til tomorrow night. i’m not thrilled to say the least, actually I’m quite pissed. I could have had him a plane ticket ready to go but they kept telling him not to worry about it, and thus I got told by Dean it would be fine. Originally he was to ride back with a guy who went down this weekend but apparently no one knew he was bringing his family so there was no room for Dean, thus riding in the back of a truck. I cant believe no one knew what was going on, I”m angry. I could have easily made arrangements for him from here but was told not to worry. Dean kept saying they knew he had to be back and they talked of him being back Sunday, today. But now I’m still waiting for another 24 hours plus til I get some relief. he was mad at me for being mad but I dont think he knows how hard it’s been on me, I’m done and ready to drive to pick him up myself. I am way past exhausted and the kids wont nap today. I’m ready to throw in the towel but I cant. I cant expect anyone to take care of my kids when one is sick plus it’s my job anyway. That’s all, just had to whine. Pray my kids take a nap, and soon.

Ugh!!! So bo acted fine and ate fine all day, up until that bottle 30 minutes ago after which he threw it up all over me and the rocker and the flooor and the wall. I can take care of a lot of kids at once, I can come up with a ton of creative crafts and activities for said kids but give me one kid w/ throw up and I’m no good. This is Dean’s specialty in our house, dealing with the kids when they throw up. Luckily it was only milk he threw up, it was still enough to make me get more nauseas than I already was. Bo has a fever again, but it’s been 24+ hours with a fever and this is the first time he’s acted sick. Please pray it’s the last time and that it was from the fruit loops he ate before he had that bottle, please God, dont let the kids really be sick while I’m alone with them.

While holding Bo while he drank that last bottle, I was thinking I’d still go to church in the morning since he wasnt acting sick thinking the fever was probably just teething related, it was as if he read my thoughts and said no way momma, BLEH! Caleb was supposed to move up to the 4 year old class at Sunday school tomorrow and I got him all excited about it, hopefully he’ll forget that we are supposed to have church tomorrow since none of us are going now that Bo is really sick. Another day at home all day with nothing to do and add to that one sick kid, I’m not liking the idea at all. I so cant wait for Dean to be home!! it’s supposed to be a freaking holiday weekend right? Yeah, horray for a sick baby, killer gas prices and being away from the one you love. 🙁

Check out the powerpoint presentation on the Christ in Action webpage. If you pay attention you’ll see Deaner!

late last night I was blessed enough to get another phone call from Dean. He was tired and it was the first time he’d had time to rest since 6 am. We talked for about 30 minutes and I think I’m in love! I cant explain how great it was to just talk to him about what’s been going on here while he’s gone. I guess I never realized just how much we do communicate normally, I think it’s a good thing that it hurt to not talk to him it made me realize that we really do have a good thing going, Dean and I. I mean I knew that, but being apart has made me realize just how much we mean to each other. I guess with the day to day of the kids you dont notice as much but take away the love of your life and all of the sudden the world changes.

All week Bo has been great at sleeping through the night, barely waking once to eat or be changed out of a soaking wet diaper. All day yesterday I kept thinking he felt a little warm but never actually got out the thermometer because he had no other symptoms and was acting normally. Last night when he awoke shortly after I went to bed, the one night I stayed up really late of course, and he had a fever of 103. this morning it’s down to 101. I just dont get it, he doesnt act sick and he’s not throwing up or has a runny nose or anything. Just a fever. He always pullls his ears when he’s tired but I suppose it could be an ear thing but last time we went thinking that it was nothing. I dont know what to do. If he starts to act sick I guess I’ll call the dr for now I’m dosing him w/ tylenol and praying nothing gets worse.

I need to get the kids breakfast, I put them to bed late and we actually slept in a bit. Have a good weekend!

Ok if I cry one more time today I’m going to need a serious hug. We went to Babiesrus tonight, we went out earlier and I have been meaning to buy electrical outlet covers since Bo is so adventuresome but I forgot so since we needed to stay busy we headed out to the store again. I waasnt going to since Bo was getting fussy and I was tired but we went anyway, I figured if I didnt go now I’d forget to buy them again. So the lady in the lane in front of us was talking to the cashier and she was buying a booster high chair seat and some toys, she said it was for her grandson who was coming from New Orleans to live with them (and his mom) since their house was destroyed. her son (the kids dad) had to stay to try to figure out what to do for work. She was trying to buy a few essentials to get them comfy for the first day. I was about to cry standing there, but holding back tears, stroke up a conversation about Dean being there and Caleb said some cute things about daddy helping. She told Caleb to thank his daddy for being such a hero. Little did she know how much that meant to me. I am proud of Dean and by no means do I think doing the right thing is heroic but it was nice to know there are some who think what he is doing is the right thing. so many people have been quick to judge his “running off” and risking losing his job over this while the fact is people have lost their jobs, their homes, their lives over “this” Some one has to do something for them , we all cant sit around our comfy homes being well fed and being “moved” by the tv news. Being moved means action folks. The short conversation I did have with Dean did include him asking me to try to find someone to keep the kids so he and I could go back down there and serve. My mom is talking about going and my brother was offered to go by his work to do relief work. I’d be amazed if we could all go together, but then someone would have to take my kids, anyone willing???