Wisdom from my walk

I dont know why I doubt God. My husband is so strong in his faith yet I sit here worrying about him and us and everything going on. He called a few minutes ago and I was immediately in tears. he didnt understand why I was upset. I’m sure half of it is that I’m pregnant and tired, the other half being all I’ve heard/seen about the Katrina aftermath is heartwrenching. I dont really know where Dean is or what he’s experiencing, but I’m worried about him and my biggest concern right now is how he’ll get back with gas shortages and lack of flights out of that area. He of course reminded me of big our God is and that He will provide. I’m sure He will, but I’m still dealing with a lot of emotions and today I’ve been on the verge of tears for most of the day. When I heard Dean’s voice I broke down, Caleb kept asking me if I was ok. after I got off the phone I told him that I was just happy that daddy called and that I’m sad because I miss daddy. All week I’ve had to deal with Caleb crying about missing Dean, he never saw me cry over him. He immediately responded, I miss him too; the same response I had to his cries for daddy all week. I didnt find out anything about Dean’s travel plans for home, point is I dont think there are any. All I got out of the call is that he’s ok, just putting in long exhausting days of work. That’s enough for me and please keep praying for him to make travel arrangements to get home in time for work on Tuesday.

Oh how I’d long to talk to Dean. I cant imagine that people have been waiting to hear from loved ones since Monday with no avail. it’s only been nearly 48 hours and I’m not dealing well. It wouldnt be so bad if the news wasnt filled with so much violence and sadness. I just want to know when I can expect him home and how that’s going to happen, but I dont even know if there is a plan for it since I havent talked to him. it’s a 16 hour drive so I’m guessing he’d need to leave on Sunday if driving with someone and that’s only 2 days away; and that’s assuming he has someone to drive back with. Oh please pray he gets back in time to not get in trouble with his boss!! or if not that they’ll be understanding.

So far today has not gone well. Well it started last night when caleb wasnt asleep til much later than he needed to be. So this morning he didnt want to wake up and kept saying he didnt want to go to school. I almost gave in but knew that wasnt the right thing to do. we walked to school and he got upset before it was even time to get into the building. They said after Wed. they didnt want parents coming in but I had no choice today. apparently a lot of kids had problems today, half the class was in tears. I was in tears. Poor kid misses his dad and then has to be away from us on top of being tired. He was not too happy and the teacher convinced me to leave although he was still crying. It took everything in me to not go in there and hold him and take him home. it’s an end to a long week, but the weekend will be even longer with no plans and no help at home with the kids. I’m emotional today after for the first time since I’ve been with Dean that we didnt talk for now over 24 hours. It’s hurting me and I can only pray he is able to check in soon. as it gets closer to the time for him to need to start planning his trip home the more worried I get. I miss him a lot and so do the kids. well I need to run…wanted to check in, I hope the day gets better for all of us.

I mentioned earlier that I found some webpages of newstations near where Dean was going to be working. Here’s one that keeps updating with some video and it’s great to see people finally getting the supplies they need. I know it’s a lot different in New Orleans but to know that relief is on it’s way for folks suffering is great.

I lied when earlier I said gas rose 30 cents, all of the gas stations around our home have risen 40 cents/gallon. One gas station in Arbutus has signs up saying they are out of gas. I understand the panic that running out of gas can cause. I’m afraid Dean wont be able to get a way home due to the lack of gas and high gas prices. I am rethinking everytime we get in the car to go somewhere. We could barely afford rising gas prices as it was, now I know we are going to have to cut our cable bill for sure. Dean is going to hate that, but at this point if the prices stay like this we wont be able to afford to drive. Everyone keeps saying that they are going to have start rationing gas. I am not looking forward to that thought. A friend told me if this is the worst affect we get from the hurricane than thats fine with her compared to the loss of life, family and home that people are dealing with. I agree but it’s scary for those of us who were are already struggling financially to make ends meet. well I need to tend to the kids, and be grateful for what I do have.

Yesterday everyone kept telling me to fill up with gas before prices went crazy, I couldnt because our tank was just about on Full already. i wasnt too concerned, I dont have anywhere to go but to the stores which are close so wasnt worried too much. I saw gas for $2.62 yesterday morning, apparently the price has jumped at least 30 cents in Baltimore overnight.

My FIL drove from Ohio down to Alabama and now Mississippi to meet up with Dean and the CIA group. Last night my MIL said that Dad had to wait in line to buy $20 worth of gas and that is all they would give them. They are concerned they wont be able to get enough gas to get them out of the area when it’s time for them to head home again in a few days. that thought scared me because I know Dean has to be at work on Tuesday, so please pray that the gas situation improves, particularly in the areas that were hardest hit. I know compared to the problems others are facing in that area, making sure Dean gets back home to work isnt really a priority, and I’d love for him to stay longer but we kind of need his income. We’ve always wanted to be in full time ministry somehow and we joked while we were driving him to VA that if he lost his job we’d be able to figure out how to do that, but financially I’m sure it’s not possible for us right now, and it’s not like we are already involved somewhere that we could serve full time in any sort of ministry area. we can dream, until then the reality is he needs to be back to work on Tuesday and we can only pray that it works out for him to get home in time. For now they’re setting up to serve food to the victims of Katrina in Gulfport Mississippi. They only have one cell phone that is working and I’m sure I’ll hear from him as little as once a day until he makes his way closer to home. He called late last night when it was his turn to use the phone and then had to get off just a few minutes later so his dad could call his mom.

I have almost decided to not watch the news anymore, it’s too sad for me to handle and I have been trying to shelter Caleb from seeing any of it. I will keep checking some things online, I’ve been following some local news channels in Gulfport and channel 6 from new orleans via the internet. But I think I’m done torturing myself with watching the news.

2Ch 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I [God] hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

A while back, ok maybe not that long ago, our church did an extensive series on this verse alone. Tonight in my prayer time it came back to me. Our land needs healed. Looting and chaos is running rampant, the people are scared and have no hope. Please pray that in this time of desperation that God’s light and hope will shine through, so that He can heal our land.