Wisdom from my walk

Soccer Cake, Sept 2005

Soccer cake completed, Sept 2005

Soccer Cake

Our washing machine stopped working properly at the end of last week, I’m dreading the baskets full of laundry that I’m having to drag to a friends to get done today. it’s going to cost a good penny just to get an estimate on the dumb washer which we’ve had for four years, and we have no clue if we got a warranty when we bought it. We have no money for said estimate or repairs. I want to just get a new washer w/ one of our credit cards, we only have a few and only store credit cards. We are one of those crazy families with no savings and no credit cards for emergencies. We are just about out of credit card debt and we really want it to stay that way but it’s so hard. Dean doesnt want to get a new washer but I dont see what else we can do without any money. I dont know how I’ll go to the laundromat w/ Bo but I guess we’ll have to figure it out.

Speaking of Bo he awoke w/ a horrible runny nose. He wont eat and he is not in a great mood already this morning. I forced some medicine, and I mean some, he spilled half of the dose in him and am praying it helps. Did I mention I have to go someone to do laundry today? it’s already shaping up to be a great Monday dont you think!?

I am so out of touch w/ other people. I’ve been so tired I’m just trying to do my best to take care of the kids and household stuff then make it into bed as much as I can which has left little time or energy for maintianing my friendships. It’s depressing, being this tired and feeling crappy most of the time. Oh the joy of my pregnancies, full of depressing days and unhealthiness. I really wish I was one of those lucky ones on the pregancy message boards who are complaining because they have no pregnancy symptoms, shut up and be grateful already! Those of us who have horrible pregnancies would give anything to be in your shoes. Well I need to go wipe a runny baby nose. Wohoo for the start to another week in the life of a pregnant SAHM.

aaaarrrrggghhhhh! That’s all I can say today. The last few weekends my saturdays have sucked, today is no exception. I so need to get away from it all for a little while. I’m sick of crying and sick of feeling sick. I want the joy back in my life.

All I can think, feel, be today revolves on how I am feeling. At this moment it would take nothing for me to put my head down and be asleep in a minute or less! I have been exhausted all day. It’s the first day all week I havent gotten out of the house yet, I need to run errands but I just dont have it in me. Boaz seems to not mind hanging out and yet again napped pretty well this morning, long enough for me to shower and lay down for alittle bit. He’s getting tired again but it worked so well yesterday afternoon getting Caleb then coming home and all of us taking a nap. Bo was so ready for sleep at that point he didnt fight it and Caleb barely did either. So I’m hoping to keep Bo awake until we get Caleb and see if this is a routine we can stick with, all napping when Caleb gets home from school! I’m sure it was a one time thing but with any luck it just might give me a chance to get a much needed nap.

Dean and I are having a horrible time w/ our allergies, or a cold. All I know is it’s making us both feel lowsy. Apparently others around us have it too so we all either have the same cold or similar allergies, whatever it is is sucks! So todays not been much to note, I was glad to have my digital camera around today and got some pics of Bo looking cute. I’ll try to post them later.

I really love this man! but onto a totally not related topic, I was supposed to go to church this morning to help out, Bo has decided he wants to nap, and well at that! So instead so far I’ve scrubbed all the floors, done laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, straightened the living room and got clothes ready to take to the dry cleaner but I just dont want to iron, I hate it worse than I hate laundry in general! Now I’m waiting for Bo to wake up, I like this one kid deal. I am getting so much done!! it feels great to get into an easier routine, one where I accomplish things even! The house looks and smells clean, the windows are open letting the cool breeze blow in….ah I love days like this. now if didnt feel so crappy! I’ve been having some sharp cramps and if it keeps up I’ll be calling the ob, please pray Baby E is doing well and that this is just growing pains. I had spotting and cramps w/ both of the other pregnancies so this isnt too suprising, I just dont remember the pain being so intense.

Another plus to having a napping baby, I FINALLY just finished addressing Caleb’s thank yous from his birthday a month ago. it’s been crazy. I got the thank yous ready but had to get addresses and stamps, that part has taken me weeks literally. With Dean gone last week I had to struggle to get the everyday stuff done so now I can finally get back on top of things, and I am soooo glad!!

I promise to stop updating so often, but with so much more time to think clearly, it’s much quieter in a house w/ a 9 month old than when Caleb is home! I dont remember what I did when Caleb was an infant, and I just realized that’s because I wasnt home with him, at this point with him I was working. Now it makes sense, I couldnt remember what I did all day with him, and the point is I didnt, I worked. I’m glad to be here to see Bo exploring and learning, I am glad I’ll be here to be home with the next one as he/she grows too. We arent financially able really for me to stay home but we really cant afford childcare for me to go back to work either so it’s a tough spot to be in, but we’re making sacrifices and now with caleb in a free school it’s much easier to not feel so stressed . i think we’ll do better on groceries too, he gets free breakfast at school and lunch can be bought for $1.50 but I’ve been trying to pack it so theres no eating just to eat, he eats at school and at home for dinner and a bedtime snack. theres beeen a drop in the amount of dishes in the dishwasher even, it’s amazing how your kid going to school can completley change our day to day “stuff” I’m glad for the changes and Caleb is becoming such a big boy. I love watching him grow and learn.

well I need to seal these thank yous before it gets set aside another day! these darn things are going in the mail today, wohoo for progress!!

I was boasting earlier this week, last night even; that so far this pregnancy has been the best as far as morning sickness. I *had* only actually thrown up once, that was til today of course. I walked Caleb to school fighting back the need to throw up but not wanting to do so in someones yard on the street I managed to keep myself from making a scene and kept walking, all the while feeling worse. By the time I got home I was about to run into the bathroom, luckily Dean hadnt left yet and he was able to keep an eye on Bo for a few minutes. I’ve been sick several times this morning and I still feel bad. I guess I should be grateful it waited til later to show up, with Caleb’s pregnancy I though I had the flu and was throwing up days before we thought I was pregnant. With Bo it didnt start as early but it was bad enough at 6 weeks that I was losing weight. So gladly this time it waited til 8 weeks but its still not fun no matter when it is.

I hate mornings now. Somewhat do to morning sickness but mostly due to the fatigue I’ve had. I’m unable to sleep well at night, plus Bo gets us up at night, then I have to get up early so I can shower and get ready for the day and be out to have Caleb to school by 7:40. Friends of ours kids schools start later and I wish Calebs did too now, but since he wakes up early anyway it’s best to get him up and out. Plus he’s home earlier than the other kids who go in later. It wouldnt be so bad but when I’m exhausted the last thing I want to do is walk to the school. I know it’s good for me to walk and I”m glad I have to walk him now so that I get some exercise but it’s still not fun.

well bo is tearing up a roll of toilet paper for fun so gotta run. I just realized I”m getting comments but no email notification like I used to so forgive me if I didnt reply to your comments. I know I changed my settings so I would stop getting so many spam comments and I guess I changed my notification setting too. I’ll try to get back to those who commented later today.

it’s so funny, I’ve gotten more calls today and yesterday from people from church checking on me than I did the whole time Dean was gone, but it’s kind of pointless since now Dean is home and I dont need any help, well ok I could maybe use a little break but I think the timing is ironic. Oh well I guess it’s the thought that counts. I think it must have been not known that Dean was coming back this week because everyone keeps calling/emailing as if he’s just been gone when it’s a week later and now he’s back already.