Wisdom from my walk

Well said!!! Just wanted to share…like I said I dont care much about politics but this much is true, the man did at least take notice of an awesome group of Christians doing something great for the hurricane victims and I’m impressed with his taking the time to visit and support their efforts.

I wish things didnt always have to get so complicated. My ob’s office called today about my appt and u/s scheduled for this wednesday. She said that due to our insurance(which was effect. 1.1.05) I cant get u/s done at the office anymore. With Bo’s pregnancy I would get all bloodwork, ultrasounds and appointments, even non stress tests done at the office. So the only place I can go to u/s is American Radiology and they wanted me to get an appt today or tomorrow for an u/s so it would be done before my appt on Wednesday. She called me shortly after 9 am, the only appt I could get before Thursday was for 11:30 today, I had to be there at 11:15. After a scramble to find someone to keep Bo so Dean wouldnt have to leave work I was on my way to my appt for my u/s.

I get there and find out there’s a $25 copay for u/s. I was already mad about the insurance this just topped it off. I am so frustrated. My biggest concern is that at the end of my pregnancies I’ve always needed weekly u/s and stress tests, and I’m guessing that it will now cost me $25 for every u/s even if they are every week. We can possibly change to a different insurance carrier after open enrollment and it will take effect in January but who knows if there will be a better choice available. if not then I am not going to get my weekly u/s at the end, both boys were fine even though I had them in the first two pregnancies and unless something major happens I’m sure this child will survive without the weekly checks. But Dean keeps reminding me to stop worrying about something that is months away. Doesnst he know that’s was pregnant women do?

Nevertheless, I got to see Baby E via u/s today. Heartbeat was 146 and I got to hear it for the first time, that was exciting. Again though they had trouble finding the baby, the first attempt showed an empty sac and I flipped out. When she switched the way she was doing the u/s she found the baby right away and it was nice and big on the screen the way it should be. but after that first time and she asked me if I was sure my dates were right i was preparing for the worst. but by the end of the exam we saw movement and heard the heartbeat. I have a pretty big cyst, which I am hoping the dr will discuss w/ me on Wednesday , I’m guessing its the cause of the bad pains I’ve been having. but baby seems fine, I’ll know more on Wednesday though. it was a fun busy morning and I”m super stressed. I have errands to run that wont get done til tomorrow now, it’s very annoying. but I got to see the Baby so that was nice.

I’ve had a strong aversion to a lot of foods during this pregnancy so far. tonight the plan for dinner was this sausage/potato meal that I make. I was hungry before starting to cook but as soon as I opened the sausage I was ready to throw up. The more I cooked the worse it got. I was unable to eat dinner at all. I got sick without even haven eaten any of it. It was lovely. Now it’s late and I’m hungry again, now that my stomach has settled. Dean had taken the boys for a walk and I was searching for something to eat. I found something that I knew in the past during this pregnancy hadnt made me sick, in fact something I’ve enjoyed a lot, so made a minute steak sandwhich. Dean hates the smell of minute steaks. So while I suffered cooking his nice big meal, he gets home and complains about the smell now that I made something I will actually be able to eat. I think it’s funny and almost am glad he doesnt like the smell, he’s getting off so easy. I get sick and miserable and he gets to be fine for 9 months but gets to be proud of the new life when it arrives. I’m the one doing all the hard work and suffering he should have to suffer a little. ….I wouldnt wish sickness on him, but I wouldnt mind him being sick so I dont have to. Too bad it doesnt work that way.

Why is it that today is the first day all week that the boys have fallen asleep around the same time, late at that, almost 4 pm for nap and I cant sleep!??! The washer is supposed to be delivered between 3-5 pm today. It’ s not here yet and the boys are just asleep so chances are it will arrive and be a loud production and thus ending their nap. The most frustrating part is it if werent being delivered I’d be asleep. I guess it’s worth it for my new washer. I cant wait to see how big a load it can do!! So I lay here on the couch and wait; praying they dont ring the doorbell if I am asleep! Well I’m going to rest while it’s quiet, which it rarely is anymore.

tonight we are heading to the mall to get Dean and Caleb some new clothes. Caleb has outgrown most of his clothes and has looked silly all weeking wearing shorts that are almost too short for him to wear. he must’ve had a growth spurt in the last few weeks or something because it’s a big difference. Bo’s clothes are getting smaller too and for once he actually looked bigger than a friends kid who has outweighed him even though Bo is months older. I’m glad the kids are growing but we cant afford new clothes for everyone! Thank goodness for credit cards…we’re going from not much due on credit to way too much. i wont even go into how much we ended spending total on the washer, but we did spend a good deal on a 5 year extended warranty plan so this wont happen to us again in 4 years! well I really need a few minutes of shut eye if I can manage it in. I’m hoping they get here late actually! the other day I wanted the BGE guy here late too because I had to leave to get Caleb from school. Luckily most deliveries of this sort are late so with any luck they’ll get here somewhat after 5 or better yet when Dean is home!! around 5:30ish, that way we can rest and I dont have to deal w/ kids and the delivery guys.

I’m always suprised when people find out how sick I get while pregnant and quesiton why I would ever do it again. For the first few years of our marriage we dealt with having trouble getting pregnant. we finally got pregnant and when we wanted to try again it still took years to conceive Bo. Anyone who’s dealt with the inability to conceive for whatever reason knows how valuable getting and staying pregnant is. I would never question someones motives to have one, two, three or 20 kids even. My own brother asked me what the point was to keep having kids. I asked him if he got anything out of being a parent, and he said of course. Sure you may think one child is enough for your family or you may think you want a dozen(like Dean! 😉 )

I cant say honestly anymore how many kids I want in our family. I love Bo and Caleb and I will love this child too. I know Bo added so much to our family and our lives would be so different without him. I know that this child too will add a lot to our family and will be a blessing to us and to his/her brothers. I cant say for sure why i wanted another child, and days like yesterday when I am so sick I feel like I dont even want to be pregnant I will honestly say I question the decision to get pregnant again. I always wanted to be a mom and a wife. I’m already both but I know that our family is still growing and Dean and I have even talked about eventually adopting a child or two later on. Why? because God have blessed us and we want to share our love and His with others. If we can be a help to a child out there who needs love then will be do that when the time comes. For now we are loving our children and becoming better people because in my honest opinions kids teach parents a lot and I would hate to miss out on what my child could give to me, our family and the world just because I get sick while this child grows inside me. I know that I make a lot of sacrifices while pregnant and it’s because I loved this child even before I knew it was created. because I have dreamed of another child and while this pregnancy may not have come at the best time or is risking my health, it’s still our child and I am so grateful that God has given us the job of raising not 2 but now 3 children. He trusts us enough to bless us with another life. because I trust Him to take care of me and this baby. so please dont question our decision to have another child while you wouldnt do the same, and above all please dont tell me about your perfect healthy pregnancy. I know that I struggle during pregnancy, I believe that this is a time of testing for me. everyday I have to make choices of what is right for this baby before it’s even here. I have to watch what I eat and do what I can to limit the harm caused to this child because of my health. Like i said there are days I question if we made the right decision to have another child, but above all I know that we want another child and that if God gave us this chance to have one then we made the right choice. Questioning our decision is one thing, but dont question God, and we know this pregnancy is a gift from Him so please think twice before you say what’s on your mind.

there are days when I wish I worked and could have a full time nanny and maid. I love being home to see the kids grow and learning but I could use something more satisfying than keeping up home and making sure the kids dont kill themselves. 😉 Heck I’d just love some time out and to come home to a clean house and no dirty laundry (or clean laundry to put away!) What a nice dream. One day my kids will be all grown up and maybe then I can have someone take care of me for once. Until then I guess I’ll just get by….

Is it really too much to ask to enjoy a meal. to actually want to eat it, then to enjoy every bite and not get extremely ill halfway through said meal or right after. I hate this part of pregnancy and I mean HATE. that’s all I got for today. dean went to the dr today for back pain, he hasnt been to the dr in a year and even then it was for a physical to work at Caleb’s preschool. He had to get xrays and some meds for his back. I was glad he went, hoping he’s feeling better once he starts the meds tonight. It’s no fun both of us being miserable.

EDIT: I made brownies to take to life group tonight and now feel even worse. I love brownies but the smell is too much for me. I cant believe I actually want to throw them away it’s so bad. This is a sad sad day. Brownies are my enemy. What is this world coming to!?!?