Wisdom from my walk

I got some lab work back today, one miracle is that the pain I was having was not from gout, she thinks it’s just aches and pains from pregnancy. That’s great news because if it was gout they’d have to start me on daily preventative meds. My other lab work from the ob’s office came in and I have an infection, I’m so mad it took them 5 days to tell me, it explains all the kidney pain i’m having. Then the first nurse told me they were calling in something that I was allergic to to treat it, she asked if they knew about the allergy, I was like I’m sure it’s in my chart. So then I had to wait for them to call me back to say they would try something else which I may also be allergic to but they want to try this since I keep getting this infection. So we wait and see how this med goes over. So at least half of the labwork was good results!

I had to call and make Bo an appt for tomorrow with the dr, he’s had really bad congestion for about a week, as well as some sort of sore on his gums in front of his teeth. He’s been so miserable. He took an almost 3 hour nap this morning and I woke him up!! I only hope he naps later on too! The last two nights he’s slept through the night and that’s been so nice!! but he hasnt napped during the day for those two days either so hoping his nap today doesnt keep him from sleeping through the night.

Nothing new or exciting going on this week. I have to run and do some errands just wanted to check in. hope everyone has a good week!

After a visit from a friend a few days ago, I found some money under a magnet on our fridge door with a note saying to use it on us. I was amazed and grateful. I’ve been wanting to get a date with my hubby for a while but it nevers happens. We were going to go back to the Book Festival today, we went yesterday with the kids but were only able to do kid friendly things. But I was tired and not feeling great so we decided not to. My mom came over for lunch and then to stay with the kids so we could go out for a bit. We ended going to Ellicott City and walking through the stores then getting drinks and a slice of some sort of Apple cake at the Bean Hollow. Dean really liked the cake but my pregnancy tastes didnt, I was dissappointed in it and my drink but it’s not their fault, its my silly taste buds lately. so thanks Karen for the fundage to go out!!!! it was so nice to have no real destination and to talk in peace and quiet! It was a much needed break on a busy day.

Dean was one of 5 speakers today at church. I wasnt able to make the first service and barely made the second with a fussy Bo and with my not feeling so great, but I knew I had to be there for Dean. I made it in a little late and sat with a friend and waited in much anticipation for what dean would say. the series is called Snapshots and they were profiling 5 people who go to our church who took a big step of faith and what the process was and the effect of it. I joked with Dean when I arrived and asked if he had cried during the first service, he said no and I was suprised then he turned to me and said you know I did! Dean started out by saying he was an emotional guy, I knew it was a hard topic for him and still very fresh in his mind. He talked about going to Gulfport and serving Katrina victims. The last few days we’ve been trying to keep in touch w/ Dean’s dad, who had met Dean down there when he went to serve, because his dad went back down to serve again and this time took a dozen people from Ohio with him. Dean really wants to be able to go back and help out but it really doesnt seem possible in the near future but we both felt called that he needs to. We dont know if it will happen but we are praying about that and a lot of other ministry oppurtunities that are coming our way. I am very proud of my husband for what he did and for doing what he does every day despite his dissatisfaction with his “real” job. He wants so much to be in full time ministry and actually we both would but we dont know if it will ever happen. Until then we seek chances to make an impact in others lives in whatever way we can. there was a business meeting at church tonight and there’s a lot of changes coming as far as leadership in ministry areas and it’s an exciting time for the different areas affected. it’s neat to be a part of some of those changes and to know that even thoujgh we dont know exactly what we are called to that we are serving as we are led day to day. our pastor called it being in a state of readiness, something that we try to do as much as possible with two kids and one on the way. it’s hard and often times I feel useless because of my health and the kids but I now know that the plans I have for being involved in leadership in the childrens ministry is a big step and a big job and for now that’s where I’m being led. We are still talking and praying about “where” we need to be but for this season we’re here and it’s a good place to be.

Between the new washer and the car repairs we are now an additional $1100 in debt! I am so upset. we were so close to being out of debt now this. we need to win the lotto soon, I guess we better start buying some tickets first! I’m serious we had $250 left of debt to pay off on a credit card now we’re back to over $1000 in debt. It’s not that bad and both were for emergent needs (well we could have went to the laundromat but that would have been money spent that we could have been putting into a new washer) I wish we could get a minivan now and not fix the hyundai. blah! I hate being an adult and having so many things to deal with. I’m still waiting on test results, and I just LOVE waiting all weekend til Monday to get test results! ! I’m glad today is almost over, not much worse can happen I dont think. At least I wont get stranded in the car again, not today at least!

Yesterday afternoon the brake and battery lights in our car kept coming on. It would come and go. this happened months ago and we ended up buying a new battery and things were fine. Today I risked going out w/ the kids to the mall for a concert and the car did find on the way, the lights coming on and off. I was frustrated when we got there the concert was not there. Not sure what was up with that, there should have been one, I checked the schedule this morning. So we had packed our lunch so we played at the indoor playground and ate our lunch.

The drive home is about 20 minutes from where we were. As we hit the exit ramp for 695 the lights remained on and the mph and rpm gauges went nuts. Finally they stayed at zero. the radio was out, the a/c was off, because Dean told me to turn both off. Shortly after the gauges zeroed out the clock light went off and I got stuck in stopped traffic w/ no shoulder to pull over to. The first exit was to get onto 295 and I didnt want that at all. I finally got a spot with a small area of shoulder and pulled over. I put the windows down and called Dean. i forgot to turn the keys all the way off, and I didnt notice til I heard the cut shut off. I turned the keys off then tried to start again, there was nothing. it wouldnt do anything. I couldnt get enough power to roll up the windows or even get the clock to come on. In tears and completely stressed out I called our car insurance to find out about roadside coveragee, unfortunately we had to get towed and then get reimbursed. Dean found me a tow and it was there in about 5-10 minutes. They took the kids, I and the car to the shop. Dean met us there. The car started after we got there so who knows what is wrong.

We had no money when our washer died a week or so ago, so we charged a new one. We had to take the car to meineke because we have a credit card for there too. I am so stressed. we have no savings and we’re barely paying the bills we have now. Now we’re going to have lots more bills to pay. I am an emotional mess and dont know what we are going to do. I know we’ll get by, but when things go wrong for us, it always happens in a lot of ways at once. I was already stressed about bills and awaiting for test results from some labwork I got done this week and now we sit and wait to see what the shop says when they call. Luckily friends are letting us borrow their second car this weekend, which I hate doing. I hate to put money into the car when we know in 6 months or so we’re trading it in for a van. We’d do that now except we need our tax money to help us with that. that was the plan, get our tax money, trade in the car and use some tax money so we’ll have a really low monthly payment on a minivan. I so need a vacation from the stress of dealing with this crap. I know we’ll be fine and that God will provide but it’s still hard to deal with so much at one time. I hate not knowing where the money is going to come from or what the best thing to do is. at this point I dont even know if we can trade the car in until it’s operable. Blah!!! at least it’s Friday!!!

In the last week Bo has learned to do two things, walk and talk. He’s babbling like crazy these days. I was getting concerned because before the last 2 weeks he barely said a thing. I’m wondering if it has to do with it just being him and I all day so he has more quiet without Caleb always filling the air with his noise. As I sit here he’s rambling on and on as if he’s trying to tell me something, it’s hilarious. He is walking from one sofa to the next and it’s a good 6 steps between the two with nothing to hold on to. It’s so awesome to see him growing up so much. he says Da to Dean now but laughs at me when I try to get him to say Mamma. He is saying a lot of “Ga” type words, which I wonder if his way of trying to say caleb. Since he usually does this when Caleb is home. No matter what he’s saying it’s cute as can be, especially as he toddles across the room doing so. well the kids need my attention, just wanted to boast about my baby boy.

Well my appt was quick and kind of frustrating. Partially because I didnt ask the questions I should have now I’m wondering about a zillion things. Suprisingly it was a dr I hadnt met, which suprised both of us as often as I’d been there and I thought I had seen all of them. Kind of glad I hadnt, she was too brief for my taste, left me feeling like I’d been rushed out the door. Her immediate concern was to find the heartbeat, I mentioned the other day hearing it via ultasound so knew it had to be there. After a painful 10 minutes of her pushing on my stomach, even for a good 5 minutes after I told her how much it was hurting, she asked me if I had been told I had a tilted uterus. i said no but at the first appt and 2 ultrasounds they had a very hard time finding the baby via normal ways but finally after much work found it. She pulled out the u/s report and didnt say if it mentioned it but said it said everything looked good. She said we shouldnt expect to hear the heartbeat in the office w/ doppler until after 12 weeks due to the tilted uterus, guess its’ good I had those ultrasounds or I’d be really worried.

instead of the one cyst I had that showed up 4 weeks ago on ultrasounds I now have two right next to each other. those and the tilted uterus have accounted for a lot of pain lately and I’m glad to know I’m not imagining it. She also is doing tests to check my kidneys because I’ve had a lot of pain in that area this last week, also very painful so we’ll see what comes back. she did remind me that the u/s showed my dates as a week behind. this pregnancy is completely different than my first two, this one complete with it’s own set of annoying problems. i dont know why my kids torture me before they are even born, I dont deserve to have to struggle so much with pregnancies, I wish I was one of those lucky enough to have fast uneventful healthy pregnancies, I’ll keep dreaming. I’ve gained 4 lbs total already, that’s freakin nuts to me, with the other 2 kids I lost all the way up until the third trimester. It’s no wonder I look and feel a few more months pregnant already. I am not thrilled at all with how things are going so far with this pregnancy and I’m not entirely excited about it because of everything. I hate not being happy about things but I just cant seem to get excited about this one. it would help if I didnt feel like my body was giving up on me. some days I am in so much pain in various parts of my body that getting out of bed is hard. I really need to check in with my neurologist but I know if I do it will mean tests and possibly finding out if I do indeed have ms and I’d like to prolong that if I can. but in the mean time the days are getting harder to get through.

the time between Caleb getting home from school and waiting for Dean to get home are the worst part of my day. by then I’m so worn out and miserable that all I want to do is sleep but caleb is always wired; luckily Bo sleeps for most of this stretch of time or I’d be really miserable.

on a good note, my meeting with my pastor went really well. Soon I’ll be the “team lead” for the nursery at church. they are going to go from one main director of sunday school to one for each age group, an idea I thought of a while ago and was excited with the vision he has and the plan for initiating the changes. It’s going to be great and there are going to be a lot of changes. I am excited to be able to be a part of it and only hope I’m physically able to do my part. I’m going to do my best to not give up hope that I can overcome whatever is going on with my body, I just dont look forward to the everyday struggle. well Bo is awake and caleb is driving me nuts, just wanted to update with what happened at my appointment. I’ll try not to whine on here for a few days, but that means little to no updates, sorry!

I’ve lost my desire to write lately. I am sick of complaining about how I feel and right now that’s all that’s really going on in my life. Last night friends came over and brought us dinner, it was awesome! Manicotti, ceasar salad, green beans, all of which I was able to eat and enjoy!! Not to mention I didnt have to prepare any of it. It was heavenly. Suprisingly too Dean cleaned up all of the dishes and for once I didnt have to go clean up the kitchen before bed, that was oh so nice. So we were in bed early and we able to watch the season premiere of NCIS and something else, geez I cant believe I cant remember. Oh well…so far I’m loving a lot of the new shows this season. it’s nice to have something good to watch since the kids have always been in bed on time and earlier than in the summer so that Caleb is rested for school. it’s been hard to go out in the evenings because we want him in bed by 8 and nothing we do socially lets us get home that early. so we’ve started staying home more and spending time together and it’s been kind of nice. I love having more time in the evenings with Dean. I wish though we could go out together, alone.

Friends offered to keep the kids this evening but we’re broke so we really cant go on a date even with a free sitter. that and like I said the kids need to be in bed early so I’m sad we cant take them up on their offer this evening. I really want to go out with Dean but I dont think it will happen for a long time, our budget isnt allowing for much these days, and now we’ve got more bills w/ the new washer and changes w/ the insurance making me have to shell out more money for pregnancy related bills. It’s sad and I know it’s going to be even worse once Baby E arrives so we may as well get used to not being able to go do things anymore. I keep saying in 20 years, I’ll be able to…..sad but true I’m sure. that or I’ll need to get a job or Dean a second one. Someone got fired at his work and he’s talked of applying for the position, I’m hoping if he does and gets it that it’ll be a raise in pay. so pray that something miraculous happens for us financially!!!

I’ve got an ob appointment this morning then a meeting with our pastor about childrens ministry. I’ve never met with a pastor before, and the memories I have of the pastor at the church I grew up with are so different from the man who is the pastor at current church. He constantly amazes me of how down to earth and real a pastor can be, I’m looking forward to my meeting and hope to be able to help out with some major changes happening to our kids club(sunday school program) For a long time I couldnt imagine being on the same level with a Pastor, I mean being able to talk freely and openly and not worry about the world finding out and coming hatefully to me because of something that was said in confidence. For a long time I couldnt trust leaders, and to some extent I still struggle with this. being in our current community of faith I’m amazed at the differences in leadership now vs what I was raised with. I am glad to step in the doors of a church and to not feel judged and to know that I am welcomed as I am with open arms by all. To know that there are people who will take a stand for and with me if life gets rough. To know there’s a family of friends who cares deeply for me and my family. We’ve struggled with where God wants us to be, as far as serving. We still dont know, but I know that we are blessed to have found such a great community of faith to call our church home and for now we’ll continue serving there as we are lead until we are lead elsewhere.