Wisdom from my walk

pregnancy really screws with your head, and your dreams. the only time I’ve experienced dreams where I wake up truly upset or angry about something that happened in a dream is when I am pregnant. I spent the last hour of my morning before getting out of bed tossing and turning and being mad at Dean for something he did in my dream. I mean I was truly angry with him and I kept trying to go back to sleep but I couldnt stop thinking about the dumb dream. In my other pregnancies this happened, but I dont remember what the dream was about, I know in one of the pregnancies, bo’s I beleive I dreamt someone close to me died and I awoke scared and upset and waiting the phone call that it was true, luckily it was just a dream.

So in my dream this time, I caught Dean in bed with another woman. she wasnt beautiful or anything, but I can see her face clearly still. After I “found” them, she got up and walked away and said it’s not a big deal I’m leaving to go back to Alaska today anyway and she was gone. Dean tried to tell me it didnt mean anything and explain it away, in the dream I mean. I left and took the kids to my friends house. I was crying and telling her what happened and she kept laughing at me. That made me really mad! she said Dean would never do that to you and she wouldnt believe me. So I went home and kept hitting Dean and told him it was over. In the dream we had kids, but two blond curly haired little girls. I mean one was an infant and one was crawling around, walking sometimes. There was no bo or Caleb, just these two baby girls. It was a strange dream and I awoke still angry w/ Dean; hours later and I still am a little frustrated.

I told Dean about the dream and he instantly got offended that I’d think he’d cheat on me. I mean it was a dream, but I did ask him if there was something he needed to tell me! 😉 the last time I had a dream like this, one so real and that stuck w/ me, I woke up crying and couldnt shake the bad feeling all day. I wonder what makes us dream the way we do? I’m glad it was just a dream and the funniest part to me of the dream was I kept telling people there’s no reason for him to be with someone else, it’s not like we’re not having sex all the time. I thought it was funny that I kept saying that to people, especially people I’d never ever talk to about my sex life. It was crazy, just another pregnancy symptom you dont get told about, very vivid dreams. I hope that’s my “one” for this pregnancy and that it wont happen again. It may have something to do with that cheese steak sub I ate shortly before going to bed! 😉

I spent a good part of yesterday afternoon in bed, but today I am still exhausted and miserable. It doesnt help that the sky is clouding up and I’ve got a long to do list since I wasnt very productive yesterday. Dean is going to try to take Caleb to school in the mornings for me since that’s one of my hardest times of the day. Today was nice, but I will miss the walks/talks we have in the morning, but I’m sure it’s good for Dean and Caleb to get some one on one time. Everytime when Dean is home and he tries to rough house w/ bo or just play with him in general Caleb always tries to get Dean’s attention, going as far as pushing bo or getting in between them. He is a daddy’s boy and he wants daddy to only play with him. Poor kids going to hate it when he has to share daddy w/ another baby too!! I’m hoping it gets easier for him, but I dont know that it will.

So far today I’ve baked 4 dozen cookies, cycled out clothes that dont fit Bo anymore, reorganized baby toys in his room so he can play in there instead of having most of his toys all over the living room and put laundry away. It’s probably no wonder I’m so tired, Ive still got lots left to do and Bo is finally napping so off for a shower and then more housework, maybe I’ll get a nap this afternoon but I’m not counting on it!

I went to pick up Dean around noon to help out this afternoon. We had to run to walmart then come home and eat so 2 hours later and i’ve not gotten any rest yet! but for now bo is sleeping and Dean went to go get Caleb from school so I’m hoping I truly have the rest of the day off. I made myself eat lunch and once again am regretting the decision to eat at all. I hate feeling like this!! Sad part is that I dont expect it to get too much better, eventhough I’m just about into my 2nd trimester. In fact it seems to be getting worse, as it did with the first 2 pregnancies. Just Lovely! I wish Dean was one of those fortunate souls who could work from home; that would be great! Well I better rest while the house is actually quiet. I cant wait to hear how excited Caleb is when he finds out daddy is home and will be the rest of the day. I’m sure it will make him a very happy little boy. At least I’m hoping!! He and Bo are both daddy’s boys, makes me frustrated, I struggle day in and day out for these kids, even before they were born, as I am with this kid in utero, and who lights up their eyes? who’s name do they call out…sure as heck aint mine. Blah! yeah sure Caleb tells me I am pretty and that he loves me but…for once to see either one of them get excited when I get home…oh yeah, thats right I’m not priviledged enough to ever leave them…..oh well…off for a much needed rest.

Caleb’s been going to school for almost a month now I think, and I’ve not had any real connection with any of the parents and honestly dont know if I want to. sometimes standing by and watching/ listening to them is like watching a tv show. Today the drama was as bad as I overheard one parent calling the cops on another who refused to move her car out of where it was double parked which resulted in quite a heated battle between several parents. I dont think I’ll ever drive Caleb to school, it’s dangerous up there. People park wherever they want, usually doubleparked on both sides of the street so no other traffic makes its way through the street, it’s a a true mess, they really should have cops or something or for the people who live right across from the school signs up about no parking or at least reminders about double parking, hello it is illegal folks.

last week all they were talking about was the sex offenders who live in our area, they know this becuase they went onto the sex offenders registry website and found out where they live. A few days later I hear one may saying one parent accused him of being a sex offender because how he looks and acts towards the kids, this guy was picking up his own freakin kids folks! I dont blame him for being mad. to me he just seemed a little odd by the way he acted and talked, BUT to come out and call him an offender?!!

yesterday they were complaining about the senior citizens who use the school to play bingo and how they try to park where they shouldnt and they left the school door open all day. One lady said I respect my elders but i’ll get mean if I have to, apparently some of them had been asked to stop doing what they were doing wrong and they called a mom some foul names and it wasnt nice. All this folks is the things I hear while waiting to pick my kid up or drop him off. yesterday I heard that last week the school was on lockdown and the cops came because a kid was waving a gun around a classroom, turned out to be a toy but the kid was let go and his parents not even contacted!!! the eldest kids at this school are 8th graders, I think the parents should know this from the school officials not from overhearing playground gossip.

So all I know about some of the parents of my kids classmates is that most of them are bitter, mean, gossiping ladies. Sure a few I’ve tried to chat with seem nice but I havent been able to really get into the circle since everyone knows each other already and dont care to talk to anyone else. It feels like I’m the one in school again, I sure dont miss this enviroment and it’s making me wonder if it’s really good for Caleb. but he really does like it and he’s learning so much already. I just hate the drama I have to see everyday, I wonder what “good Stuff” I’ll hear today! 😉

Last night I was throwing up pretty badly and feeling pretty bad, bo decided he wanted in on the fun and threw up all over his bed which I just changed out his sheets this afternoon. I’m still pretty sick this morning and just want to crawl into bed. My whine for today…I just pray Bo doesnt get sick anymore because I cant stomach it. I so wish Dean was home today.

I’ll sleep well tonight! About a week ago Dean and I were worrying that Bo would never sleep through the night. As if he overheard us and thought he’d be nice to us, so since Saturday he’s slept through the night. The bad part of this is that he thinks it’s time to wake up at 6 am. He’s not really ready to get up and will let you hold him and maybe even fall asleep in your arm but if you put him down he’s wide awake again. So this morning I was up at 6 listening to him babble, he’d cry off and on but I think that was mostly because he was coughing and had a runny nose. So I got up shortly after that for my morning. Since then I’ve walked Caleb to school and home from school. Sure school is not far but when it’s 7:30 am and you have been up for a little while and were tired to begin with it is a pain. by the time I got home from walking him to school I was wiped out. I then had to feed Bo, get him ready and get myself ready to take him to the drs across town.

we went to said appointment then joined my mom for lunch at a chinese buffet…mmmm! Bo loved it too! Then we came home for a bit then ran to the grocery store to get a few ingredients that I didnt have to make cookies then came home in time to get out the stroller and walk to get Caleb. Caleb was all excited about his homework project which is to make a costume showing the shapes they’ve been learning. there will be a shape costume parade on Friday. We just got the info on this today, 3 days to be creative! So I put Bo down for nap and Caleb and I worked at least an hour on a shape hat and necklace. He wants more, a “costume” because of course the teacher told him what he needed to do so now he wants a whole costume. I told him we’d start w/ what we had and tomorrow do some more, time for me to think up what else to do to match his cool hat that he decorated himself. Then we made some special cookies for Dean, carrot cake cookies. I didnt expect Caleb to like them at all, he loves them and he’s really never into cookies ever so I was glad, they even have raisins so I’d rather him like those than chocolat chip cookies! I’ll post the recipe later, it’s so easy and super yummy! So now it’s time to work on dinner and get Bo up from nap. It’s been a long day and we’ve had the windows open and fans blowing all day so the atmosphere is so nice, a cool breeze and the smell of cookies! Makes for a good afternoon! that and helping my son on his first real homework project that is cool! Days like today make me glad to be a stay at home mom!

Carrot Cake Cake Mix Cookies

2 carrot cake cake mixes (the kind that has pudding in the mix)
2/3 cups butter or margarine – melted
2 eggs
2 cups raisins
Bake for 10-12 minutes at 375 degrees. Let cool on cookie sheet for 2 minutes then on cooling rack.

I cut the recipe in half and it made enough for us. The dough was a little hard so I added about 2-3 tablespoons of applesauce to make it a little more moist. they turned out nice and yummy. The real test will be if Dean likes them! but Caleb did and that’s suprising so hopefully….

As if conquering walking wasn’t enough for one week

He gets so proud of his newfound abilities!

He’s definitely trying to master climbing in and out of things!

I swear this was their own doing, they were just as cute and smiley before I had the camera out!

At the Book Festival on Saturday Caleb enjoyed various crafts including this hat and button he’s wearing.