Wisdom from my walk

Today has been so much better around here!  Caleb hasnt been sick all day, miracle #1.   #2 being Dean got off of work early so I ran out to a different TRU after we called to see if they had the main gift Caleb wanted and they had 2 left!  I was so glad to get it !  I thought for sure he wouldnt have it for Christmas.   Dean also took the time today to take a ton of stuff to the dump making room to clear out one of our storage rooms. theres still a ton of stuff we want to list on freecycle or craigslist and the room needs cleaned up but getting things out of there was the first step in getting things done.   I’m glad about that.   So overall it’s been a better day.   I’m not sure if I am getting the stomach bug too or if my morning sickness is back but i”ve been nauseas for 2 days at least.   Today it’s been really bad.   Other than that today has been the best day for a while eventhough it hasnt been perfect.  well I have tons to get done before heading to bed, just wanted to let everyone know the kids are finally getting better.

I’m failing as a parent. For weeks Caleb has been telling us what he wants for Christmas.  Last week we saw the Little Tikes Electronic Drumset he wanted but we didnt have the money to buy it til today.   I was afraid the stores would be out but didnt have much choice.  Today the stores were out and you cant find it online.  I found it on fingerhut online for a lot more than TRU had it for in store and we’re not willing to pay more plus S&H.  Dean says caleb wont mind but he hasnt heard caleb talk about it all day for weeks.  We went shopping with a list of things caleb wanted, they had nothing on the list and we hit a few stores.   Online stores are out too.  We got him a few things but nothing on his list.  I feel like a horrible mom.   We arent able to buy much this year as is which upsets me but to not at least find one thing he wants is breaking my heart.   At least he’s young enough he might be persuaded to like what we got him instead.   luckily Bo is young enough not to care what we get him since he’s not getting much at all.   We had to spend a good deal on getting caleb new pants to fit, he’s outgrown the new wardrobe we bought him 2 months ago, I kid you not, and he’s not fat he’s just grown a ton in 2 months.   how in the world are we gonna afford a 3rd, well since it’s a boy it shouldnt be so bad on clothes, and we’re having a hard time finding things to get for Bo since we’ve got so many toys from Caleb’s growing up so there wont be much except for all the newfangled things to get when Baby 3’s birthday and  when holidays roll around.  (although i eyed up a great new highchair that I think we will eventually get for Baby #3   since ours is 5 years old and starting to drive us nuts)  I came home more stressed than I was when I left the house, it was our first night out together without kids in a while and I am stressed, dean is sick and mom called to tell us to come home since Caleb threw up 4 times in the living room after we left.  Merry freaking christmas!  Have I mentioned ever how I hate holiday gift giving/buying due to the stress?  Sorry folks the only people we’re giving gifts to this year is our own kids and my nephews if that.   We’re barely getting much for the kids as is.    I hate this, and even with Dean working tons this month things are still tough.  I guess the important part is the bills are paid, the new van has tags(temp at that but legal) and now insurance.  so I guess the van will be our big gift to our family this year.   it’s a good one but I wish we could afford two cars and gifts for everyone.   Bah humbug!

Our morning had gone well, as far as Dean and I knew that is.  Dean got up and took Caleb to school then came home and made us biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  after getting dressed and ready to get out, we headed to run errands, drop off library books, go to the post office to mail a package, and go pick up Dean’s pay from working the christmas tree lot.    We got back from running in time to pick up Caleb, city schools got dismissed at 11:15 today(or half day) .   When Dean got home from getting him I was informed that Caleb had thrown up at school.   We were hoping it was something he ate for lunch, since he bought lunch.   but since he’s been laying around and has thrown up again.  So here we are facing what was going to be a fun family day, going to see santa and shopping now we’re not sure we’ll get to do anything.  we’re praying he doesnt get much worse, the drs office yesterday was telling people that the stomach thing is going round that some kids are sick for 24 hours and some for 4 days.  of course Bo had it forever, so with any luck Caleb will just have it for 24 hours!   My mom is supposed to watch the kids tonight so we can go get the kids christmas gifts, if we dont tonight i’m afriad  we wont get to or that they wont have the things on calebs list, but we had to wait til today since that’s when Dean got paid.   I’m  not looking forward to a weekend with another sick kid, I”m so done with this.   At least I’ve had a break some today, I guess I should be grateful for  the small things!   and breakfast was yummy, my hubby is so sweeet!!

Miracles do happen, Dean is off of work tomorrow! with any luck we can get some more stuff taken care of w/ the van and get some gifts for Christmas.  so far we’ve only gotten one thing each for the kids!   If Dean hadnt worked so much this month we wouldnt have any gifts for the kids, it’s a sad realization but not one that was new to us.    Hoping after we get the expenses for the van finished we’ll be ok, it’s just getting that far!  and having to keep paying medical bills isnt helping this holiday season either.  i’ve got a stinkin appt on Tues w/ my specialist and thats gonna cost us too.  I hate drs and paying for stuff when we already pay for health insurance.  it’s a pain !   but this was supposed to be an upbeat entry, Bo had his first “real” food meal for lunch and some real milk too so crossing our fingers we dont see it again soon!   ;-)  now if his teething pain would ease up and he could breathe a little better I’d be really happy!   but at least tomorrow I wont have to take care of him alone, that’s so awesome!  I am so glad Dean is going to be off!!!Maybe I wont have  abreakdown just yet!

just wanted to say it wasnt sooo bad getting Caleb, the snow stopped but it’s raining or something wet and it’s quite slick out.   I always dread falling while holding Bo and I have a horrible history of falling in wet/icy conditions but we all made it safely home.   now if I can get everyone to take a nap…..did I mention on top of his miserableness Bo is cutting yet another tooth this week.  I am so ready for a vacation!!!

It’s really coming down out there, the snow that is.   All the school systems but ours seems to have closed early.   I was tempted to go get Caleb when I got home from the dr so I wouldnt have to take Bo out again, but  I dont want to mess with screwing up his attendance anymore!   The streets/sidewalks in our neighborhood are covered and it’s coming down a lot so I dread what it will be like to go out in this in 2 hours w/ a sick kid.    So the dr we saw today, not our regular pediatrican thinks Bo is getting better.   I am not so confident.   bo fell asleep in the van on the way home, i brought him in and he is still sleeping on the sofa, in his coat!   I tried to rouse him thinking he needs to eat soon but he wont wake up.   this is so not my kid.   he sat quietly in my lap for 30 minutes waiting to be seen at the drs office, and there were toys a plenty for him to play with, but if i tried to put him down i got the usual screaming fit.   I hope he gets better soon I really cant take much more.  Dean requested off for tomorrow but they wont tell him yet if he can have it off, I told him I dont care he’s calling in sick if he has to.  I cant take another weekend alone with a sick kid without a break.   We’re hoping to get our christmas shopping started tomorrow, but Caleb has a half day so who knows how the day will go. the only good part of todayso far is the fact that Bo is sleeping and quiet and I can eat my lunch, and in peace.  I’ve not been able to eat much this week since he’s been so fussy.  take away a pregnant womans chances to eat and shower and let me tell you it doesnt make for a pleasant woman, then add a sick kid for 2 weeks and you might realize why I’m losing my mind.    I should have just picked up Caleb when I was out, ugh I am so not looking forward to going out in this mess to get him.  ok enough whining today, sorry it’s been so blah around here all week!

I’ve lost my patience in the last two weeks.    Having a kid cry unconsolable for hours a day is something we’ve never had to face and I dont know how parents do it.  Friends of ours said their baby was like that for the first 4 months of her life, I think I would have taken her back to the hospital!   I am spoiled I’m sure that Caleb was and is a healthy and pretty easy to care for kid, as a baby and now.  Bo unfortunately is taking on my lack of immunity and is not facing this bout of illness well.   It’s odd because I nursed him a lot longer than I did caleb and caleb was healthy, makes me reconsider nursing this next one.  Maybe my milk isnt good enough it sure didnt help Bo build an immune system.

So BO has another drs appt today.  We had to call the on call dr last night becuase Bo turned blue.   For once something made Dean worry!   He’s been fine since then, color wise, but he’s got a fever, still crying for no reason without being calmed, wont drink, and is having fast labored breathing.   I am dreading going to the dr again, and wishing Dean could help out but I guess this is just a lesson in patience and perserverance for me, one i’m failing to cope well with.   I dont mind God letting me learn through my own illness/struggles but this one is too much, seeing my baby suffer.    Everytime I feel Baby 3 kick I look toward the future with fear that one day I might have to go through something similar with him.    it’s scary…..sometimes I hate being a mom….well I need to at least try to comfort the screaming kid although it rarely helps…